(no subject)
Everything about my body language screams leave me alone. I went to verizon, and as i was walking up to the door, one of the workers was sitting in a chair by the window staring at me and smiled, i guess anticipating to help me. and when i walk in i shift my eyes past him and walk right by and start looking at phones by myself. then when he was helping the next group that came in that wanted to look at the phone i was looking at so he timidly came up behind me and didn't say a word to me, just to them. so i moved and let them look. I get that a lot.
after driving around and listening to "hiding inside the horrible weather" with the windows down and thinking of summer, i come home and my sister and her boyfriend and friends are pulling out of the driveway. after i pull in, they pull back upbehind me and ask if i'd like to go to johnny carino's with them. not really, i tell them. and they speed away. then I come inside and my mom's walking around my brother's room, i ask what she's doing in there and she say's looking for his sock. then follows me into my room and says maybe it's in here. I tell her it's not and she sighs and turns around, "fine, I'll leave you alone in your smelly room then." and slams the door.
this is just a story about the last hour of my life. try to imagine the past 20 years. i constantly wonder if my past made me this way, or i was just born like this. either way, it doesn't seem to even affect me anymore, being alone. which i think in itself is depressing.
after driving around and listening to "hiding inside the horrible weather" with the windows down and thinking of summer, i come home and my sister and her boyfriend and friends are pulling out of the driveway. after i pull in, they pull back upbehind me and ask if i'd like to go to johnny carino's with them. not really, i tell them. and they speed away. then I come inside and my mom's walking around my brother's room, i ask what she's doing in there and she say's looking for his sock. then follows me into my room and says maybe it's in here. I tell her it's not and she sighs and turns around, "fine, I'll leave you alone in your smelly room then." and slams the door.
this is just a story about the last hour of my life. try to imagine the past 20 years. i constantly wonder if my past made me this way, or i was just born like this. either way, it doesn't seem to even affect me anymore, being alone. which i think in itself is depressing.