(no subject)

[slipknot4life1]

Ever since dad died, its been harder and harder. Ever time i think that ive found myself, i just end up getting more lost. Right now, more than ever i need him, and hes not here. I cant take this, i hate it. I wish i was my old self. I became more sociable and  now i dont even know who i  am. I dont know what i want in life and i cant study. Everything that i do want, i know i can never have. Its too hard trying. Ive never been one to  actually give up, but now i just think its all i can do to let go. I know that after someone close to you dies, its suppose to be hard, its not  suppose to  easy,  But this is too  much, i dont even know who i am.
I thought that after  a  year id be able  to understand hes dead but i cant. i just cant. and now, theres other things on my mind that i cant let go of. its hard