not happy @ all
There's always something
in the way
There's always something
getting through
but it's not me
it's You, it's You...
i find peace when
i'm confused
i find hope when
i'm let down
not in me ... me
in You
it's in you
there are so many things that im feeling right now and none of them are anything good. this is my journal and i am going to vent. be prepared. if youre going to tell me ive been stupid or that i knew this was coming--then dont tell me b/c i dont want to hear it right now. yes, i did know this was coming...but okay, it takes neil reading my email for him to tell me that he is too busy for me???? why couldnt he have realized that he should have told me this on his own?...i am extremely upset right now and i do understnad that what he was telling me was teh truth...but i just did not get the closure out of that that i expected. i poured my heart out into an ass long email and all i get in return was'youre right i am too busy....im sorry...blahblahblah ...its my fault' ---that wasnt what i was looking for. i liked this kid for 6 months. i feel so dumb and rejected right now. if you like somebody enough you make it work...and he just doesnt like me enough- which is fine- but he could have told me that instead of just leaving me hanging. don't get me wrong--everyone here probably thinks neil is a huge jerk (which right now i might agree w/you on) but in reality hes not--i owuldnt have liked him so much and for so long if he was. but now that i guess everything is done let me vent some more. im so mad at him...but i cant be..but @ teh same time...this isnt my fault...it is his fault and i do have to remember that. yes, the timing is off-but you know what neither one of us can control that and thats something that can be worked around so screw the timing. its his fault b/c hes the one who didnt tell anybody anything and hes the one who is going to realize that he made a dumb mistake. oh well people make them (clearly) but its extremely hard to not be mad @ myself when in reality i did not hign but bend over backwards for him. vaughn told me that im any guys dream- he told me that everything i do for my boyfriends, how i treat them, how i buy them lots of presents (heheh :) )-just everything-he told me that any guy should be happy to have that and that theyre dumb as hell for letting it go. a week later im glad he said this- hes right- screw neil. if neils too busy for me than its his loss. yes i do still like him but thats going to have to change b/c i cant like somebody who doesnt have time for me and isnt willing to try that. for somebody who is so intelligent...i expected more out of him. i dont feel like writing anything else. i feel like sitting and moping/crying...so im going to...and hopefully ill do some hw too...probably not i have no motivation left for that either.