(no subject)
okay heres the deal
im not afraid of rejection...its happened before...and it will happen again. im sure of it
but
i am 100% completely confused
i talked to rahul today (thanks for finally talking to me...after reading my last entry...at least it got the point across...) anyways..he told me im reading too much into things.. well this got me thinking, i probably am- and im probably only paying attention to the positive things. i bet i could pick out just as many negative details from every convo as i can positive ones. this is not good lol
so now im having no hopes
whats the point- jordan used to tell me that if you expect nothing you'll never be let down...so i have no expectations. i have a lot going for me otherwise and if something happens then cool but if not- then ill get over it
but still i kind of want to know. but if its a bad truth...ill probably cry - i shouldn't b/c its not like you can help who you do or don't like but still...i cry
so then i consulted alan on this- he told me either he is 1. oblivious or 2. trying to let me down easy....so then i def went w/number 2 and again lost more hope lol
then i called up my wife in ohio!!!!!!! who i miss w/all my heart! and she said shes just as confused as me :( so then i got even more hopeless lol
so basically...ive accepted the fact that i have a crush who does not have one back on me
so thats the 'boy update' for this entry-...b/c i feeel completely offset...usuallyim okay at reading guys...but this one...is a tricky little one! :( rahul told me i know what im doing. no, if i knew what i was doing ever, i would not be in this stupid situation now would i?
so that brings me onto my next subject. why do people have to read to know what they should do...dont get me wronga t all..its better than nothing...BUT....i mean shouldnt you do what is in your head and heart to do?...if i feel like hmm my best friend who psychotically IM's/calls me hasnt...then maybe something is wrong and I should act on that. i dont get it- this isnt just about rahul it applies to many instances. but still....i mean i guess its easier for me to write that im mad @ him in addition to ignoring him to get him to understand and i guess i write things intentionally soemtimes too.... ;) ...like livejournal entries....and away messages...eh hm
i dont think that last paragraph really made sense
at all
so i did well on psychology and i think i did really crappy on evolution today..we'll see though
i went shopping afte rthat bad exam...and then there was a nader warning so all the stores closed temporarily...but i still managed to spend more money than i should have...actually it wasnt too bad but still
so i cant help but to think back on so many things that ive done that have led me to this exact moment
i would have never imagined in a million years that my life would be where its at today
im not saying its bad or anything its just...different than i ever thought...and i never thought i would be this old
my sister is buying a townhouse....thats weird to me- shes done w/school...my dad turned to me and said 'you're next' ...
ummmmm i have no idea what im doing LOL
but really- its not funny
but i guess you just get to go w/the flow
so the ? of the night becomes...what do i do now? give up?
so now im listening to this song that always makes me sad so im going to turn it off and go to bed lost...
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never comprimise
For the life of me cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshman
im not afraid of rejection...its happened before...and it will happen again. im sure of it
but
i am 100% completely confused
i talked to rahul today (thanks for finally talking to me...after reading my last entry...at least it got the point across...) anyways..he told me im reading too much into things.. well this got me thinking, i probably am- and im probably only paying attention to the positive things. i bet i could pick out just as many negative details from every convo as i can positive ones. this is not good lol
so now im having no hopes
whats the point- jordan used to tell me that if you expect nothing you'll never be let down...so i have no expectations. i have a lot going for me otherwise and if something happens then cool but if not- then ill get over it
but still i kind of want to know. but if its a bad truth...ill probably cry - i shouldn't b/c its not like you can help who you do or don't like but still...i cry
so then i consulted alan on this- he told me either he is 1. oblivious or 2. trying to let me down easy....so then i def went w/number 2 and again lost more hope lol
then i called up my wife in ohio!!!!!!! who i miss w/all my heart! and she said shes just as confused as me :( so then i got even more hopeless lol
so basically...ive accepted the fact that i have a crush who does not have one back on me
so thats the 'boy update' for this entry-...b/c i feeel completely offset...usuallyim okay at reading guys...but this one...is a tricky little one! :( rahul told me i know what im doing. no, if i knew what i was doing ever, i would not be in this stupid situation now would i?
so that brings me onto my next subject. why do people have to read to know what they should do...dont get me wronga t all..its better than nothing...BUT....i mean shouldnt you do what is in your head and heart to do?...if i feel like hmm my best friend who psychotically IM's/calls me hasnt...then maybe something is wrong and I should act on that. i dont get it- this isnt just about rahul it applies to many instances. but still....i mean i guess its easier for me to write that im mad @ him in addition to ignoring him to get him to understand and i guess i write things intentionally soemtimes too.... ;) ...like livejournal entries....and away messages...eh hm
i dont think that last paragraph really made sense
at all
so i did well on psychology and i think i did really crappy on evolution today..we'll see though
i went shopping afte rthat bad exam...and then there was a nader warning so all the stores closed temporarily...but i still managed to spend more money than i should have...actually it wasnt too bad but still
so i cant help but to think back on so many things that ive done that have led me to this exact moment
i would have never imagined in a million years that my life would be where its at today
im not saying its bad or anything its just...different than i ever thought...and i never thought i would be this old
my sister is buying a townhouse....thats weird to me- shes done w/school...my dad turned to me and said 'you're next' ...
ummmmm i have no idea what im doing LOL
but really- its not funny
but i guess you just get to go w/the flow
so the ? of the night becomes...what do i do now? give up?
so now im listening to this song that always makes me sad so im going to turn it off and go to bed lost...
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never comprimise
For the life of me cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshman