February 8th, 2005
So its been anouther birthday, anouther disappointment. Just like all the rest, anouther day. I am 20 now, 20, with no best friend. I am 20 and never had a true girlfriend. I am 20 and never had a party of any kind. I am 20 and I can count the friends with less than 10 fingers. I have to be others errend boy, I have to conform my life around the scheduals of others. I have to sit here and have no one to talk to, no one I trust, no one I care about. There is so much supressed inside. I have never had a good birthday, well last year was close... but now I am back to living like a recluse. I can't even get a job around here, because either school, or distance interfear with the impossibly few jobs there are availible in this area. I just want to live as a normal person, like a common person, at least. I just want to be normal But it doens't matter. It just doesn't matter. every other day is going to be like today... with no chance of changing, not because i don't want it to change, but because no one cares enough to even talk to me, comfort me, not even my own father, and forget about any other family memeber. I just don't know what to do anymore... i don't think there is a thing i can do... It is impossible to be human in this area...