(no subject)
I'm real slowly startin'-ta realize that when people ask me how I been or what I been up-ta that I don't really got-a answer for 'em. I been good, I been bad, I been tired, I been moody, I been outta it, I been in it. 'n' then I just been. I'm still in the gray area, I thought I woulda fought my way outta it by now. I been in-a tunnel-a some kind. Maybe it's-a comfort zone or some shit, but there ain't no real comfort-ta it. It's been a lot like some kinda rehab, it's been one day at-a time, through all-a it. I was tellin' someone a minute ago that months seem like years-ta me now, 'cause they do. I couldn't tell you what life was like last month, it's been-a blur I can't remember right now. I think I been walkin' 'round wit'-out feelin' too much for nothin', I think I been sleepwalkin' through shit. I only got wakin' moments now 'n' then-ta remind me what's goin' on.
One-a those wakin' moments are rude awakenin's, I don't know what the fuck I was thinkin' marryin' this woman twice, man. I shoulda been stopped. If I ever in some state of complete fucking retardation try 'n' marry this woman again, I want one-a you-ta put me out my own misery. 'Cause that's all any-a this has been, misery. I see the kids as much as I can see 'em, when we ain't fightin' over all that needs resolved. I ain't even really allowed-ta talk-ta her but we never did follow the rules. I just want it-ta be done wit', 'n' I'm 'bout ready-ta give her my right 'n' left arm just-ta have that happen right now.
Another one-a those moments was when I was gettin' outta the bathroom in my Vegas apartment the other day 'n' saw her hairbrush sittin' by the sink. Wit' her gross hair in it. 'Cause she's gross, don't let her little make-up commercials fool you. I picked her hairbrush up 'n' realized that I live wit' someone now. 'n'-a female, even. I ain't lived wit'-a girl in years 'n' me 'n' her have been in the same apartment for over a month. 'n' both-a us are still alive, surprisin'ly. But that shit could change at any second if she keeps tellin' people I'm gay just 'cause I pay attention-ta her sad little career. >:o She's not really in the tunnel wit' me, but she gets through sometimes 'n' snaps me outta it so we can watch movies 'n' hate everyone in 'em.
Any other moments are some that come 'n' go. I come outta it-ta yell at someone over shit that prolly makes no difference-ta them, I'm knocked outta it when someone is tryin'-ta remind me they still give-a shit 'bout me. I phase in 'n' outta it. I'd tell one-a you-ta come wake me up completely but that whole thing 'bout not wakin' sleepwalkers 'cause they'll go insane 'n' kill you could be true. Especially when it's me.
I think overall, I just been tryin'-ta fit the pieces where they do. I figure once I got 'em all, I won't be in the tunnel no more. They may not lay the same as they did 'fore any-a this but it'll be some way-ta deal wit' things on the outside 'gain.
One-a those wakin' moments are rude awakenin's, I don't know what the fuck I was thinkin' marryin' this woman twice, man. I shoulda been stopped. If I ever in some state of complete fucking retardation try 'n' marry this woman again, I want one-a you-ta put me out my own misery. 'Cause that's all any-a this has been, misery. I see the kids as much as I can see 'em, when we ain't fightin' over all that needs resolved. I ain't even really allowed-ta talk-ta her but we never did follow the rules. I just want it-ta be done wit', 'n' I'm 'bout ready-ta give her my right 'n' left arm just-ta have that happen right now.
Another one-a those moments was when I was gettin' outta the bathroom in my Vegas apartment the other day 'n' saw her hairbrush sittin' by the sink. Wit' her gross hair in it. 'Cause she's gross, don't let her little make-up commercials fool you. I picked her hairbrush up 'n' realized that I live wit' someone now. 'n'-a female, even. I ain't lived wit'-a girl in years 'n' me 'n' her have been in the same apartment for over a month. 'n' both-a us are still alive, surprisin'ly. But that shit could change at any second if she keeps tellin' people I'm gay just 'cause I pay attention-ta her sad little career. >:o She's not really in the tunnel wit' me, but she gets through sometimes 'n' snaps me outta it so we can watch movies 'n' hate everyone in 'em.
Any other moments are some that come 'n' go. I come outta it-ta yell at someone over shit that prolly makes no difference-ta them, I'm knocked outta it when someone is tryin'-ta remind me they still give-a shit 'bout me. I phase in 'n' outta it. I'd tell one-a you-ta come wake me up completely but that whole thing 'bout not wakin' sleepwalkers 'cause they'll go insane 'n' kill you could be true. Especially when it's me.
I think overall, I just been tryin'-ta fit the pieces where they do. I figure once I got 'em all, I won't be in the tunnel no more. They may not lay the same as they did 'fore any-a this but it'll be some way-ta deal wit' things on the outside 'gain.