Down here, we call it "Pocket Full of Ass."
So, I like to be culturally literate. It’s why I do things that are not necessarily in my best interest, like read The Da Vinci Code or The Devil Wears Prada just to understand what people are talking about. So when I found out that a made-for-cable-TV movie sold 400,000 DVDs on the first day it was released, had a soundtrack that went triple-platinum, and had nine singles chart on the Billboard “Hot 100,” I wanted to check it out. Of course, I’m talking about Disney’s High School Musical.
The plot is simple (spoilers, I guess): Basketball star meets geeky girl while on vacation. They decide that they love singing together (zer?) and want to try out for the high school musical. Their friends, parents, and the real theater geeks want them to stay in their predetermined stereotypes. Drama ensues. People dance on cafeteria tables. It’s basically one part Breakfast Club and one part Mean Girls, with a dash of Fame for good measure.
With most cultural phenomena, I can understand why something is popular, even if I don’t personally love it. I can see, for example, that Harry Potter has a compelling story and interesting characters, even if JK’s writing will keep it from ever becoming one of my favorite children’s books (not to slag on Harry twice in two posts, but there you have it). High School Musical, though, is a complete enigma. The songs are far from catchy, the characters are hollow, and the plot is recycled from Grease, minus some of the sophistication. Its blandness even keeps it from being hilariously bad. The only parts that are even ironically enjoyable are the baseless opinion reversals of the supporting characters. Examples (more spoilers), paraphrased by me:
Chad: Don’t try out for the musical. You have a responsibility to our basketball team. *Angry face*
Troy: But I want to try out for the musical.
Chad: Okay, we’re teammates. I support your decisions.
Sharpay: (pronounced like Shar-Pei): The musical is my thing. I hate you for trying out, and I’ll eat your soul if you get cast in the lead.
Sharpay: Okay, you beat me out for the lead. Congratulations! We can be best friends.
It’s a startlingly boring glimpse into the ’tween/teen world. I will save you from it. Since I have taken on the responsibility of delving into the depths of shrill teenagerdom for your benefit, I recommend you try these other (way better) young pursuits instead. They are ranked in order of how well they’d fulfill your desire to watch High School Musical.
Get Over It
This is probably the best choice when it comes to movies about high school musicals. It comes with such hilarious moments as Ben Foster auditioning with the Big Red jingle, Martin Short going nuts as a crackheaded director, and hearing Michelle’s dad shout “Sisqó will save the day!” while watching it in her living room. (Yes, that’s Sisqó, as in “The Thong Song.”)
Similarities to HSM: High school? Check. Musical? Check. Cheesy boy-band-type songs and bad choreography? Check. Looks like this one’s got it all.
Bonus: A surreal dance number performed by Vitamin C set to The Captain and Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together” which, I must admit, is oddly cute.
Instant Star
This little sister show to Canadian sensation Degrassi (see below) features a song each week that is not as instantly forgettable as the songs on the High School Musical soundtrack. Plus, it explores themes that go a little deeper than, “You like to bake and I like to play sports, but we can still be friends.”
Similarities to HSM: Has both high school elements and musical elements, and mercifully keeps them separated.
Bonus: The occasional Degrassi crossover episode.
Josie and the Pussycats
The songs in this movie were created by a super-team of Matthew Sweet, Mike Viola, and Fountains of Wayne (and, uh, Babyface), so they don’t actually suck. Plus, they wear those cute ears!
Similarities to HSM: Wait, were they in high school? Did they have jobs? I don’t remember. Well, jury’s still out on the “high school” part, but the “musical” part is probably the best on this list.
Bonus track: Alan Cumming admitting he’s “White-Ass Wally.”
Degrassi: The Next Generation
The Cadillac of teen-targeted entertainment. There’s no music (if you’re lucky), just straight-up soapy drama. And chock full of people who say “aboot.” Missfee, back me up on how awesome this is.
Similarities to HSM: High school sans the musical--now with more STDs!
Bonus track: Getting to read Boycott the Caf’s episode recaps while trying to figure out if the writer is 12 or 22.
The plot is simple (spoilers, I guess): Basketball star meets geeky girl while on vacation. They decide that they love singing together (zer?) and want to try out for the high school musical. Their friends, parents, and the real theater geeks want them to stay in their predetermined stereotypes. Drama ensues. People dance on cafeteria tables. It’s basically one part Breakfast Club and one part Mean Girls, with a dash of Fame for good measure.
With most cultural phenomena, I can understand why something is popular, even if I don’t personally love it. I can see, for example, that Harry Potter has a compelling story and interesting characters, even if JK’s writing will keep it from ever becoming one of my favorite children’s books (not to slag on Harry twice in two posts, but there you have it). High School Musical, though, is a complete enigma. The songs are far from catchy, the characters are hollow, and the plot is recycled from Grease, minus some of the sophistication. Its blandness even keeps it from being hilariously bad. The only parts that are even ironically enjoyable are the baseless opinion reversals of the supporting characters. Examples (more spoilers), paraphrased by me:
Chad: Don’t try out for the musical. You have a responsibility to our basketball team. *Angry face*
Troy: But I want to try out for the musical.
Chad: Okay, we’re teammates. I support your decisions.
Sharpay: (pronounced like Shar-Pei): The musical is my thing. I hate you for trying out, and I’ll eat your soul if you get cast in the lead.
Sharpay: Okay, you beat me out for the lead. Congratulations! We can be best friends.
It’s a startlingly boring glimpse into the ’tween/teen world. I will save you from it. Since I have taken on the responsibility of delving into the depths of shrill teenagerdom for your benefit, I recommend you try these other (way better) young pursuits instead. They are ranked in order of how well they’d fulfill your desire to watch High School Musical.
Get Over It
This is probably the best choice when it comes to movies about high school musicals. It comes with such hilarious moments as Ben Foster auditioning with the Big Red jingle, Martin Short going nuts as a crackheaded director, and hearing Michelle’s dad shout “Sisqó will save the day!” while watching it in her living room. (Yes, that’s Sisqó, as in “The Thong Song.”)
Similarities to HSM: High school? Check. Musical? Check. Cheesy boy-band-type songs and bad choreography? Check. Looks like this one’s got it all.
Bonus: A surreal dance number performed by Vitamin C set to The Captain and Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together” which, I must admit, is oddly cute.
Instant Star
This little sister show to Canadian sensation Degrassi (see below) features a song each week that is not as instantly forgettable as the songs on the High School Musical soundtrack. Plus, it explores themes that go a little deeper than, “You like to bake and I like to play sports, but we can still be friends.”
Similarities to HSM: Has both high school elements and musical elements, and mercifully keeps them separated.
Bonus: The occasional Degrassi crossover episode.
Josie and the Pussycats
The songs in this movie were created by a super-team of Matthew Sweet, Mike Viola, and Fountains of Wayne (and, uh, Babyface), so they don’t actually suck. Plus, they wear those cute ears!
Similarities to HSM: Wait, were they in high school? Did they have jobs? I don’t remember. Well, jury’s still out on the “high school” part, but the “musical” part is probably the best on this list.
Bonus track: Alan Cumming admitting he’s “White-Ass Wally.”
Degrassi: The Next Generation
The Cadillac of teen-targeted entertainment. There’s no music (if you’re lucky), just straight-up soapy drama. And chock full of people who say “aboot.” Missfee, back me up on how awesome this is.
Similarities to HSM: High school sans the musical--now with more STDs!
Bonus track: Getting to read Boycott the Caf’s episode recaps while trying to figure out if the writer is 12 or 22.