Tough, but fair.
The Benchwarmers: B-
Jesse and I were sitting in the theater before the movie started, and hoards of little'uns started streaming into the seats. "Is this a children's movie?" we asked ourselves. It turned out, it mostly was, like a cleaned-up version of Bad News Bears. It still had its moments, but it also follows the narrative arc of underdog-sports-movies that is outlined in Wet Hot American Summer.
Friends with Money: C
Friends with Money is comprised of 1) a main idea and 2) a set of characters. That's what I call a situation, not really a movie. Parts of it were interesting and performances were strong, but overall it's mostly pointless. You know, like Jennifer Aniston.
Brick
Yes, I saw this again. And…once more after that. And I would see it again if someone wanted me to go with them. So you don't need to be a badass teenage shamus to figure out how much I liked it. I'll see you at the parent conference.
Lucky Number Slevin: C-
Look, I like you, Bruce Willis. Ben Kingsley, too, and sometimes Morgan Freeman. So I can forgive you all for tempting me into seeing this film, which can only be described as "godawful" (one word). I can see that you, too, might have been tricked by a grafter-gangster movie that almost looks stylish on the surface. But somewhere along the line, you must have known that the movie, for all of its slick-talk, is just idiotic. Let's pretend this whole thing never happened, and go back to doing movies about gifted kids.
American Dreamz (with a "z"): C+
Once again, Mandy Moore is good in something that doesn't quite make the cut (see also: Saved, How to Deal). The movie itself is an incredibly ambitious take on politics, popular culture, and people--but none of the parodies are very sharp. It's like trying to write calligraphy with a crayon.
Hard Candy: B
Since there's only two characters, one of whom is tied up (literally) for most of the movie, the film feels pretty stagey. But it has a powerful message: Don't fuck (literally) with 14-year-olds. They're angsty.
The Notorious Bettie Page: B+
For a movie about smut, it's actually really cute. I declare it the feel-goodiest smut-movie of the year!
Next month is bookended with trilogy-finishers: Mission Impossible: Tokyo Drift and X-Men: Mutant on Mutant Action. Both involve creative higher-ups that are batshit crazy. Needless to say, I am excited.
And I leave you tonight with a short, untitled play:
Scene: My mother's friend arrives outside the house in her SUV. She leans on the horn, letting out a loud, uninterrupted blast. When my mom doesn't appear outside immediately, she does it again. And again.
My sister: Is that woman crazy!?
My mom: She's doing it to annoy our neighbors.
My sister: Good. Carry on.
And scene.