I pray for Granite

[slightlydazed32]

Im not really sure where to go from here. I feel very lost, and hurt by something, that I had no right to in the first place. I had absolutely no right to feel this way.. But Some how I got to this point.. And I have to deal with it. I suppose it is extreme Karma. I deserve it. I knew in my heart that I was never meant to know love at all. That isn't my purpose here. I was never suppose to know what it feels like.. not even a little bit. In a way, it feels like i made a deal with the devil, I allowed myself to feel what... I could only describe as love. But, deep down, in my heart of hearts.. I feel manipulated. Im not sure if I can even say that he would never do that to me.. Honestly, I can't. There is no way I could even trust any of it. Not even the feeling. It could have been placed there. I could honestly just be a figment of my imagination. Clearly I have no proof of any of this.. But seriously.. Im so confused. I don't think I should have ever played with Fire. Because I wasn't ready for it. And now, I don't think that I will ever be ready for it at all. I'm completely lost. If only there was some.. guidance, Somewhere.. That's all I ask. A little guidance. I did end up getting everything I've prayed for.. But not in the way I wanted. I suppose that is just how God works.. Unfortunately.. Though I know he has a plan for me. At least.. I think I know. I would like to think that it is grand.. And that He loves me enough to allow me to Love.. Properly this time. Hopefully. He showed me what i wanted.. And than it slipped through my fingers like sand. I want something solid this next time.. Solid like Granite. I pray for Granite.

For now.. I am going to have to suck it up and get over it. At least enough to live my life until the next time.