Utterly Unloveable and Emotionally Retarded
I am in such a bad place right now.
I have no idea how i got here, or how to get myself back out. Its like this spinning vortex of constant realizations. None of them have been good. I have wasted my time, emotions and life trying to figure out why things are the way they are. And Im tired of it. I am sick and tired of love and sadness, happiness and hate. Its all to much for me to take. I am an emotionally retarded fool who will never be able to control the random ups and downs.. Why i thought i could live without medication is beyond me. I now understand why i nearly ODed a while back. It makes so much sense now. I am a completely sick and twisted piece of worthlessness. Why don't people see that? I think what i am looking for the most out of people is for someone to confirm that. Though Im pretty sure it would destroy me. I am emo. I suppose. I just wish people saw me for who i really am. Than perhaps they wouldn't want anything to do with me. I hate being alone, but i feel like it would save a lot of people from spending part of their emotions on me. It is a complete waste of love and feelings. I am a waste of space. I am worthless.
I think saying it, is making feel better about it. Coming to better terms with it.
People don't understand me. They feel like they can read my mind and my emotions, but they really have no clue. I am a lot stronger than they thing. I am a lot better at making them think one thing about me when it really isn't true. It is my best defense. I can trick myself and others. I do it completely subconciously. But i really do it.
My whole body hurts.
I have no idea how i got here, or how to get myself back out. Its like this spinning vortex of constant realizations. None of them have been good. I have wasted my time, emotions and life trying to figure out why things are the way they are. And Im tired of it. I am sick and tired of love and sadness, happiness and hate. Its all to much for me to take. I am an emotionally retarded fool who will never be able to control the random ups and downs.. Why i thought i could live without medication is beyond me. I now understand why i nearly ODed a while back. It makes so much sense now. I am a completely sick and twisted piece of worthlessness. Why don't people see that? I think what i am looking for the most out of people is for someone to confirm that. Though Im pretty sure it would destroy me. I am emo. I suppose. I just wish people saw me for who i really am. Than perhaps they wouldn't want anything to do with me. I hate being alone, but i feel like it would save a lot of people from spending part of their emotions on me. It is a complete waste of love and feelings. I am a waste of space. I am worthless.
I think saying it, is making feel better about it. Coming to better terms with it.
People don't understand me. They feel like they can read my mind and my emotions, but they really have no clue. I am a lot stronger than they thing. I am a lot better at making them think one thing about me when it really isn't true. It is my best defense. I can trick myself and others. I do it completely subconciously. But i really do it.
My whole body hurts.