two thousand and great
im so ready to leave. someone take us away from this place. my grandpa everyday has new excuses why we cant go sailing and my grandma makes me feel uncomfortable. my cousin wont stop saking me the same questions over and over and make me feel responsible for their boredom. yes, i have tattoos and pierceings. no, it doesnt feel good when you pull or pinch on them.
my bro and the rest of the fam left two days ago after a slightly tearful goodbye and sandwiches. we will meet again, oh yes, we will meet again. friday night we went to beer tasting at the local liquor store and made friends and were priveledged to sample many specialty beers that the connoisseurs brought in. barley wines and deep heavy stouts that made my panties twinkle with satisfaction. christmas beers and heffewizens. yum yum yummmmmmmm. one kid gave us his number at the end of the night and rang us up for sevral dollars less than we should have been and said goodbye to a slightly sauced car full of weirdos.
later that night...
i see a racoon in the middle of the street. STOP!!!! RACCOOOOOOON!!!! i yell. and point. jordan turns round and pulls over. the boys get out and pee and i step on a fire ant hill. when the traffic passes i run out and pick it up by the tail and can barely lift its complete intactness. broken jaw and eyes and brains coming out the sockets. no blood. no busted guts. we wrap it in plastic and put it in the trunk. chinese food feast with the family; racoon in the garage. we excuse ourselves and i prepare myself. dad is wise to us and is our lookout as i tie the twine around the neck and then to a palm in the side yard. i expertly (altough this is my first raccoon) cut around the wrists and start peeling with grandpas freshly sharpened filet knife. jordan got woozy and had to sit down when the blood was draining out of the chest cavity. skin removed, i take out the viscera, separating the heart from the guts as it is rightfully mine. off come the feet and head. covered in fur and blood, i wrap the body and pelt and we go back to the house.
the next day...
up at 5am to sell at the famers market after a restless night. exhausted and $300 richer we retreat to the comforts of home. we abstain from family dinner to roast and eat florida delicasies: fried clams and beer. delicious raccoon. and grease. the roast continues to be devoured by everyone in my family. my grandma even tried a bite when we brought over the leftovers but g-pa wouldnt touch it. his loss.
so new years eve came slowly and without planning after the family left. then i remembered i had that kids number from the liqour store. so what the hell, it was either that or sitting home with my g-parents and watching tv? 9:30 rolls around and we take the golf cart out to the gate and he brings us back to his house which is right next to the condo. we drink good wine and talk. friends show up and we break out the fancy beers, throw champagne glasses in a brown bag and hit the beach. the party has obviously been going on for some time already when we arrive at 11:53 cuz everyone at "the kid fire" is drunk, yelling, making out, high fiving and acting dumb. and the keg is out. good for us we came prepared. we have just enough time to pop the cork and dispense the glasses. the midnight yelling goes on for several minutes as the christmas trees are thrown onto "the adult fire" and it gets huge hot and smelly. luckily the kids we were with were equally disgusted with the display of teenage hormaones and irresponsiblity so we all kept our distance. slightly drunk and a few mushrooms later, we are almost the last people on the beach and we are sitting around the deserted adult fire which i had recently stoked and talked life and politics til 3:30. back home for a few more beers and shroomy giggles, then home again, home again. it was a superb night.
i finally talked to matt who will be meeting up with us soon. and dana who sounds great and like her old self. im in the process of trying to get food stamps in florida which is turning out to be a headache.
oh. did i mention my grandparents decieved us and are kicking us out in 5 days?
my bro and the rest of the fam left two days ago after a slightly tearful goodbye and sandwiches. we will meet again, oh yes, we will meet again. friday night we went to beer tasting at the local liquor store and made friends and were priveledged to sample many specialty beers that the connoisseurs brought in. barley wines and deep heavy stouts that made my panties twinkle with satisfaction. christmas beers and heffewizens. yum yum yummmmmmmm. one kid gave us his number at the end of the night and rang us up for sevral dollars less than we should have been and said goodbye to a slightly sauced car full of weirdos.
later that night...
i see a racoon in the middle of the street. STOP!!!! RACCOOOOOOON!!!! i yell. and point. jordan turns round and pulls over. the boys get out and pee and i step on a fire ant hill. when the traffic passes i run out and pick it up by the tail and can barely lift its complete intactness. broken jaw and eyes and brains coming out the sockets. no blood. no busted guts. we wrap it in plastic and put it in the trunk. chinese food feast with the family; racoon in the garage. we excuse ourselves and i prepare myself. dad is wise to us and is our lookout as i tie the twine around the neck and then to a palm in the side yard. i expertly (altough this is my first raccoon) cut around the wrists and start peeling with grandpas freshly sharpened filet knife. jordan got woozy and had to sit down when the blood was draining out of the chest cavity. skin removed, i take out the viscera, separating the heart from the guts as it is rightfully mine. off come the feet and head. covered in fur and blood, i wrap the body and pelt and we go back to the house.
the next day...
up at 5am to sell at the famers market after a restless night. exhausted and $300 richer we retreat to the comforts of home. we abstain from family dinner to roast and eat florida delicasies: fried clams and beer. delicious raccoon. and grease. the roast continues to be devoured by everyone in my family. my grandma even tried a bite when we brought over the leftovers but g-pa wouldnt touch it. his loss.
so new years eve came slowly and without planning after the family left. then i remembered i had that kids number from the liqour store. so what the hell, it was either that or sitting home with my g-parents and watching tv? 9:30 rolls around and we take the golf cart out to the gate and he brings us back to his house which is right next to the condo. we drink good wine and talk. friends show up and we break out the fancy beers, throw champagne glasses in a brown bag and hit the beach. the party has obviously been going on for some time already when we arrive at 11:53 cuz everyone at "the kid fire" is drunk, yelling, making out, high fiving and acting dumb. and the keg is out. good for us we came prepared. we have just enough time to pop the cork and dispense the glasses. the midnight yelling goes on for several minutes as the christmas trees are thrown onto "the adult fire" and it gets huge hot and smelly. luckily the kids we were with were equally disgusted with the display of teenage hormaones and irresponsiblity so we all kept our distance. slightly drunk and a few mushrooms later, we are almost the last people on the beach and we are sitting around the deserted adult fire which i had recently stoked and talked life and politics til 3:30. back home for a few more beers and shroomy giggles, then home again, home again. it was a superb night.
i finally talked to matt who will be meeting up with us soon. and dana who sounds great and like her old self. im in the process of trying to get food stamps in florida which is turning out to be a headache.
oh. did i mention my grandparents decieved us and are kicking us out in 5 days?