I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes.

[sliger153]

yesterday was one of those days that just kept getting worse until i felt like i couldnt breathe. i was stressing about NYC, when falyn called me at work. she told me she had big news, and she was so excited.  i had no idea what she was about to tell me, but thank god i was next to a chair. she told me she got a call yesterday, and shes leaving for india in the fall. india. its so so so far. i cant even visit her there. i'm so scared to be without her for a whole year. but i just keep telling myself it could be worse, it could be forever. then i got home and my mom and i faught about florida and stuff. then she got online and bought my brother a ticket and not me because she was pissed at me. then when she finially decided not to be gay anymore she got online and the flight was totally booked. so a huge screaming match later she's paying twice as much for me to go on different flights. whatever. then my dad came over. i havent seen him since.. i dont know. he came and took my mom and jason to the fair. buttttt he didnt ask me. even though i'm still so mad at him it made me so sad that he didnt even talk to me. and today i asked him if he was planning on giving me money for NYC and he said he didnt have any. but he had enough to take my brother and his friend to the fair all night. godddd. i hate him. i talked to tammy last night for like 2 hours. which was awesome. we are having a tammy/nicole day when she comes home. so now i have to pack and just not think about any of this because i have a mission to go on. i think i may go see laura today. its easier to talk to her than pray. i have no idea why. but its been a while since i've been there and i need to talk to somebody.

ohhh and the only happy thing this week? becky had the baby. Kingen Eligh. 7lbs 1oz. Everyone's doing great. Especially Joel, who practically jumped on me when I gave him a hug today. I'm so excited for them.