"I'll be there for you. These five words I swear to you."

[usedtohaveabs]

Who: usedtohaveabs, jewhawk and rockstarwarbler
What: The unconventional cavalry with a side order of UST
Where: Jacksonville, Florida
When: Follows THIS
Rating: Could be anything

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[usedtohaveabs]

Quinn was just locking her car once they got out and she had gathered one of Kurt's Louis Vuitton bags from the backseat and slung it over her shoulder. It had some new pajamas in there for him, is favourite robe, some books, and a few other bits and pieces to try and help comfort him some more. She looked up in time to see Blaine coming down the steps and talking so pleadingly to Puck, that it broke her heart. She nearly promptly burst into tears, and she could see here in the flesh now how close friends they were. She had meant to let Blaine know Puck was coming to, but it just slipped their minds on the drive.

Now, Quinn knew Kurt wasn't eating, but she didn't know the latter. It didn't surprise her, but she hoped it wouldn't have come to that. In fact, hearing it, she hoped maybe after they had lunch, they might be able to all go in and see Kurt together. Maybe Kurt just needed a reminder he had friends around him. It couldn't hurt. But now, she just couldn't stop herself quickly going over to Blaine and sweeping him up in a hug. She only knew him through Kurt, and had spoken to him a few times since all this went down, but she felt like he had been in Kurt's life for ages. She held him, rubbing his back. "It will be okay, sweetie. We're here now, okay? You can tell us what's been happening. I only know bits from Kurt's dad. We don't know the full story, but we both wanted to come."

[jewhawk]

Puck was just about to go to Blaine himself and get his bro-hug on when Quinn was in his peripheral vision, then right in front of him, hugging Blaine herself and comforting him. It struck him very suddenly how much it meant to him that Blaine and Quinn liked each other, even though he and Quinn still hadn't really discussed future prospects with each other all that much in detail. But if Puck was considering attempting something serious with someone, that someone damn sure better like his best friend.

And this here went far beyond just liking Blaine. It was a sort of caring protective thing that was similar, if differently handled, to the way Puck felt toward him. His heart ached as he watched Quinn comfort Blaine, that sickening feeling in his chest that only came when Blaine gave him The Eyes, and damn, was that ever a major case of them he got when his BFF got down the stairs to them. "B... Hang in there, okay, buddy? We're here, and we all knew this was gonna be hard, and get worse before it got better. We just gotta fight through it."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine wasn't going to cry. He kept telling himself that over and over again. He had broken down a couple of times alone in his car over the past week when the helplessness engulfed him and left him feeling useless in the entire situation. He had finally found at guy he was head-over-heels for, someone he adored and really had fallen in love with. In just these short few months, Kurt had come to mean the world to him, and that was probably why, when he discovered Kurt's secret, it hurt so much that he hadn't picked up on it when Kurt was in so much pain and then to suddenly have all those feelings torn out from under him without a chance to stop and catch his breath had devastated him.

But then Kurt came back, and wanted his help, and he wanted to give it... but there was nothing he could do. All he could do was be here if Kurt wanted him, but Kurt was just getting sicker, and Blaine didn't understand it. "What if I'm the reason he's getting worse? Am I making him worse?" he asked Quinn when the hug came to an end. He just stood there looking between Puck and Quinn, trying to fight off that lump in his throat warning him of tears. But he wouldn't. He wanted to do what he could to help and he needed to stay strong. "I-I just don't get it. He was supposed to come here to get better, to help him want to eat and not feel so miserable. But he's getting worse."

[usedtohaveabs]

Quinn gave Blaine's back another soft rub. "Come on, let's go sit down. We can talk." She nodded in the direction of a picnic table situated under a pretty looking tree in the garden adjoining the parking lot. The actual patient-access gardens were beyond the stone walls at the back of the building, but they had the areas available out here if family wanted to go for walks with the people staying there receiving treatment. It was all very classy and attractive to the eye, but Quinn still knew Kurt hated it. He couldn't really see the beauty. In fact, the last time he had been discharged from here and they were putting his luggage in the car, he made a comment about not even noticing there were gardens out the front before.

They sat down at the table, and Quinn slid in next to Blaine and took his hand. "Blaine, Kurt's not just like a normal sick patient getting treatment in a hospital. You have to remember that the intense therapy and treatment regimes they have him on will be knocking him completely off course. Yes, the lack of eating is worrying, and yes, by now, they probably would have been hoping to at least get him responding to some level of controlled eating, but you're not making it worse. Kurt is already a severe case when he gets like this. That's why he's here. And I know it's hard, honey, but if you want to help, you have to keep those balls to stick it out. You can go home if you want to, like he asked, but I don't think that deep down, it's what he would want. I think he's probably just trying to give you an out. To Kurt, in his head, it's like he's stuck in a World War Three battle, but he's the only fighter on his army. That's the enormity of the fight to him. We'll go in there later and show him that he's not alone. That you're still here. Okay?"

[jewhawk]

Quinn and Blaine led the way over to the picnic table, Puck trailing close behind them. He set down the food on the table in front of them, and then just sat across from them. He had to admit, letting someone else comfort Blaine was sort of a tough thing for him to do. Even if it was Quinn, and he knew that, in a way, there was probably a level of understanding between the two of them that he couldn't understand. They were two of the people who loved Kurt most in this world, and while Puck genuinely liked the guy, he couldn't fully understand their feelings toward him the way that they could understand each other.

"Kurt's battle here is something I really can't understand," Puck admitted to both of them. "But I do understand the concept of pushing people away when you really don't want them to go. And if I remember correctly, when it was me pretending I didn't need anybody in the damn world, you were the one who kept fighting for me, too, Blaine. I know this is breaking your heart, but I also know how damn stubborn you can be when you need to be. And we're all here rooting for him, too, so you ain't alone in this."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine glanced back and forth between them anxiously as he listened and started to fiddle with the strap of his watch distractedly. "It's not that he's not listening to me. I think he is listening, because it's not like I'm on his case the whole time. I'm not going to get up on him and try to tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing. We talked a lot on the trip up here and he told me how a lot of this is for him, and how hard it is to fight the voices in his head. Then he worried. I would probably think he was a mental case or something talking about voices in his head, but I don't. Not at all. And I looked it up on the net too, about the eating disorder voices and everything. I understand it better now."

"But he's stuck in there. He's sick, he's miserable. I've seen gradually more and more over the week how he's just fallen further and further in this misery. He hardly even talks to me now. The day before yesterday, he barely said anything, and when he did, it was to tell me I should just go back home to Miami because it was wasting my time and he was horrible company. And the nurse who has been keeping me informed of everything, they said whenever they try to feed him, he vomits. It's not even making himself sick, he's just rejecting the food because of the mess in his head. I just didn't know if it was me that was causing his progress to get worse like that." He looked to Quinn imploringly. "Because you said he's been here before, and so did he. And he got better, right? What if me being here is just blocking his progress, like a distraction or something? They said if he can't eat in the next few days and start regulating his system, they need to find another way. With the tubes in his nose, or maybe even directly into his stomach. He's lost more weight being here, but it's hard to tell because he's wearing even more layers. He won't even let me hold his hand. No kisses, nothing."

[usedtohaveabs]

Quinn rested her hand over Blaine's and gave it a soft squeeze. "Honey, no," she murmured, cutting in on his run of thoughts before he too far onto the self-blame route. "This place has helped him twice in the past, but the first time they failed. He ended up in hospital being fed naso-gastrically. He lost so much weight, he was in the danger zone. He looked horrific. They had to admit him to an actual hospital for acute care, and because he was so malnourished, he caught pneumonia. He was on all these antibiotics and oxygen. It was terrifying. He swore he never wanted to end up in that place again, and I know that will be a driving force here, but his mind plays tricks on him and that's why he needs this intense therapy and probably even medication. He's not just here to fix his eating, because they can't do that as long as he is psychologically struggling..."

She paused and rubbed his hand, trying to soothe him. "And that takes time, Blaine. It's not an overnight fix. When they start interrupted Kurt's eating disorder tendencies, it throws him right off course. He does need to get worse before he gets better. It's like anyone fighting demons, and these ones have their claws hard and firm into Kurt. I spoke to his dad. You'll love his dad, he's a wonderful guy. He told me they're doing some investigations, that maybe Kurt's got other medical things going on. Unfortunately, when you deprive your body of nutrition, it can set off a bunch of other problems. Like Puck said, you can only be there, sweetheart. I know it's hard. It's awful, and you'll feel over and over again like you're useless, but you're not. It just all boils down to the fact that at the end of the day, Kurt has to fight it. We can't do the fighting for him. And if you feel like it's all getting too much and you're losing your footing, that's why we're here to help you," she added, pointing between herself and Puck.

[jewhawk]

Seeing Blaine hurt made Puck hurt, too. It always had. There was a level of friendship and connection between the two of them that was above and beyond any friendship Puck had ever had. It was more like being brothers than being friends, and Puck would've done anything to protect Blaine from this heartache and hurt. In this moment, Puck could understand Sebastian's point of view the night Kurt had ended things with Blaine. Granted, he knew that Blaine wouldn't be anymore happy without Kurt than he was right now, so it was kind of a catch-22.

"We're not gonna let you go this alone," Puck promised, his eyes sliding from Quinn's face to Blaine's. "There's a lot I don't understand about this, B, and I know you don't understand everything either, but Quinn's been through this with Kurt before, and she loves him with all her heart. I know she's gonna help you find your feet with it, and you know I'm always here to be your bro, one way or another. Blaine, I think, no matter what he tells you, Kurt wants and needs you here. He just doesn't want to hurt you anymore. It's just like when he broke up with you. It wasn't what he wanted, but it's what he thought was best for you, so he did it anyway." His eyes went to Quinn for confirmation that he was on the right track, and he took a settling breath before finally looking back to Blaine. "You're my best friend, man, and I know you. I know you want to do what's best for Kurt. And I think that's exactly what you're doing."

[rockstarwarbler]

Blaine turned his head and looked over to the large pale-brick building and towards the general direction of Kurt's second-story room. The nurse said Kurt had been up and around for the group therapy session, but he had wanted to go back and lie down after it. He had been sleeping the last she looked in on him. When she asked Blaine if he wanted to try for a visit when the visiting hours began soon, he told her he wouldn't, trying to respect Kurt's wishes. But what it what Puck was saying, and it really was like when Kurt broke up with him? That he actually wanted him there, but was trying to push him away to protect him? He wet his lips and looked first at Puck, then to Quinn. "I think I want to visit him. I told them I wouldn't, but I want to. Will you guys come with him? You don't think that will freak him out if we all go in?"

"I was getting him flowers ever day the first few days, then he told me to stop wasting my money because they would just die anyway. It wasn't like he can take them home with him. So, I got him this little stuffed cow which was so cute. I bought it, and then took it back when I panicked he might thick I was trying to call him a fat cow. I feel like I'm overthinking everything. I exchanged it for this plushie turtle with bunny ears that looks stoned and I have no idea why beyond the fact when I saw it, I thought, 'Hell yeah, turtle wants to wear those bunny ears like a boss' and it just reminded me of Kurt and his unique way of just being himself. I gave it to him, and he loved it. It was the next day he told me not to come. But then I... I was just walking past the shops in town at a loss of what the hell to do, and I saw this in a little handmade gift store..." He took out a small velvet box from his pocket and snapped it open, showing them a pendant on a silver chain inside. "This is what I said to him right before we arrived here. Do you... think it's too full on to give it to him?"

[usedtohaveabs]

Quinn put her hand to her chest, feeling like she was about to break down in tears just from how touched she was at hearing the boundless depths of Blaine's tender loving care for Kurt and the innate need to help him. All he wanted was to help Kurt feel a little bit better, and even though he was floundering around thinking he was just making everything worse, she knew he didn't realise just how much of a massive impact he was making on Kurt. First the adorable story about the flowers and the stoned turtle, and now this. Blaine sitting there showing them this sweet little gesture of how huge his heart was and how willing he was to lay it on the line for Kurt. She had an instant lump in her throat, and had to draw in a breath of air to maintain her composure. "Blaine, it's beautiful. And if you bought it for him, then no, I don't think it's too full on to give it to him at all. I think it's going to show him more than any words can express..."

Her words came out shaky and choked. "We can only try to visit him, okay? It's impossible to say how he will be. Kurt's never actually flown off the handle and refused visitors, but he has requested to be alone a hell of a lot. All we can do is just drop in, and then if he's too freaked out, Puck and me will make ourselves scarce. Just play it by ear, honey. I know from experience when it feels like everything is falling apart, sometimes all it takes is to be reminded you're not alone."

[jewhawk]

This was a new experience for Puck, seeing Blaine so totally in love with somebody. Sure there had been crushes over the years, but nothing major, and nothing of this magnitude by any means. This wasn't a crush. This was the real deal, as shocking as it was after such a short time. And it was tearing Blaine up inside, Puck could tell. There was a moment of relief when Blaine finally decided that he wanted to try to go see Kurt today. "Dude, I think it's gonna mean a lot to him that he's always on your mind and heart like that. You've been here the whole time, Blaine. It's obvious how much he means to you."

"Of course we'll come," Puck replied with a nod, reaching across the table to squeeze Blaine's shoulder. "We'll do whatever we can." He stopped short when Quinn spoke, something striking him as particularly meaningful in the last statement she made. Without even meaning to, Puck turned to look at her, something clinching in his gut as it hit them that it was entirely possible he'd managed to fuck up any chance he had with her at all. Biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself focused on what he could do at the moment, the man turned back to his BFF. "Here, buddy," he said, sliding food across the table to Blaine. "I got your favorite. Try and eat before we go to see him." It was natural for Puck to slot into protective brother mode and try to get Blaine to focus on his own needs for a moment when it was clear that Kurt's were coming first for him at the moment.

[rockstarwarbler]

Despite making the choice to go in with Quinn and Puck to see Kurt in a little while when the visiting hours began, he was nervous. What if Kurt got pissed off he was still there? It wasn't like Kurt had told him to piss off out of his face. It hadn't been like that. He just told Blaine to go because there was no point him being there, and he even went to tell Blaine he didn't want to hurt him when he got worse than he already was. He must have been trying to protect him again, but Blaine just didn't want to go. He wanted to be here for Kurt, even if it was just that and there was no other way to help. He looked down at the pendant and then closed the box over with a sigh. "I... I just need to see him. I want to just keep him company for a little while so he's not alone. He's here all on his own and I know his family are on their way, but I can be here too, right? Do you think he's going to get sick of me?"

Those insecurities were still there, because he really did care so much for Kurt. He loved him. He had fallen in love with him, and still loved him even with all the battles. It was a relief to have Puck and Quinn here, he realised. He had been so tense since they arrived and he had been trying to keep it together alone, that it was just nice to know he had support. Blaine's stomach was in knots and as the food came his way, he wasn't sure he could eat it. But a quick check of his watch told him he had a little bit of time to waste before they let anyone in to visit anyway, so he distractedly took out the plastic container so he could take a few bites of the food. As he chewed then the swallowed, he looked down helplessly at the sandwich with a small. "We take this for granted! We take food for granted, and he can't even... he can't... it just... it's making him sick and that hurts."

[usedtohaveabs]

Quinn had to just shake her head emphatically then and rested her hand on Blaine's forearm. "No, Blaine... no. I don't think he's going to get sick of you. You have to understand, honey, that you are the first person Kurt has let into his heart like this, and his heart is a very, very fragile place that he doesn't know his way around very well yet, so he certainly doesn't know how to let you in there without a roadmap. But he's trying. I know that he's trying so hard here. And you know how I know? Because he let you bring him here, to a place he hates, and he's letting you help him. You have come to mean the world to him, Blaine, and I think you have this way that you can be there for him, reminding him that you are, without him getting sick of you. He doesn't know yet that he can reach for you if he falls, and the only way he will know is if he does, and you're still there. So, don't give up yet, sweetie. I know it's hard to hear him trying to tell you to go home for your own good, but just hang in there. Once he turns a corner, you'll start to see the Kurt I know, and his family knows, and I promise, it's something beyond special."

"He's in the right place," she reassured him and then chewed on the corner of her lower lip, meeting Puck's gaze. "I know you see a lot on your job that's probably really full-on, but I should probably warn you that Kurt's not going to be anything like he was that night at the pizza place. Blaine can probably tell you, it's confronting to see someone in the condition Kurt is in. It might drag up regrets of the past... it always does for me whenever I see him battling this. Like... maybe if I didn't pick on him when we were younger, he might never have ended up like this." She didn't know why she was warning him, she just cared about how he was going to take this... and cared about how it was going to affect him.

[jewhawk]

"B, even when Kurt tells you that you should go home, I really don't think he wants to be alone. Quinn knows him better than pretty much anybody, and if she thinks your being here is good for him, I think it's a damn good bet that she's right. Dude, I know this is killing you. You've been walking around with an almost constant case of The Eyes since this all started." With a small smile, he patted Blaine's arm. "I'm lucky you haven't asked me to buy you a car or something, or I would've, because I can't say no to The Eyes. But in all seriousness, B, he came here because he wants to get better, and you're a huge part of that. He wants to get better for both of you."

The concern in Quinn's touched Puck's heart just a little, though he wasn't taking it as anything more than concern on the basis of his friendship with Blaine. The fact was, that warning she was giving him? About regretting what he'd done to Kurt in the past? Was stuff he was already dealing with. On some deep level, he felt sure that a lot of this was his fault, and that was hard to accept without a rush of guilt deep in his gut. "I... I pretty much already feel that way. But I'd feel worse if I weren't supporting him now." He gave her a small nod though. "But... thanks. I'll brace myself the best I can." Though if he were honest, he had no idea how good his best would be.

[rockstarwarbler]

"I'm just scared I'll screw up with him and, like, make him sicker or cause him to want to push me away more. I love him, and I want to help him so damn much, but I understand now how... how precarious his emotions are, and that a lot of it is the illness at play right now. He hasn't told me to piss off, he just sort of said he wanted to be alone right now. I don't know whether it's because he is feeling at his absolute worst and just automatically thinks he looks it. Maybe he doesn't want me to see, or he's embarrassed. I would probably be the same. But he's still beautiful to me, he's just sick. I just wish this all in his head didn't have to automatically slot me in as the bad guy. It might not seem like it, but I'm actually pretty tough. I've dealt with some seriously bad shit in my time. I've got the balls to cope with helping him through a recovery like this. I know it," Blaine said with a small whimper of frustration.

At this, the mouthful of his sandwich that Blaine had been working on suddenly felt like it was made of stone. He was sure if he tried to swallow too much more, it would just get stuck in his throat and make him want to throw up, even if it was just the emotions that were causing it. He put the sandwich down with a sigh, managing to get the mouthful down but when he looked at Puck, he just nodded mutely in agreement to what Quinn was saying. He washed it down with a sip of apple juice before he spoke again, and at least having the food in front of him was a bit of a distraction from just sitting there wanting to cry helplessly. "Last I saw him was two days ago, and he looked bad then. Even just the week or so he's been here, he's lost more weight. He covers up in layers. I guess that's why I never noticed it as much. But he's really pale now. His complexion has this grey tinge and he has heavy bags under his eyes. His hair is getting long too. I guess that would normally bother him, being a stylist and all, but it's like it's the least of his worries."

[usedtohaveabs]

Quinn watched Blaine's face while he spoke, seeing every niggle of pain hew as experiencing showing there and in his eyes. This was the real deal. The penny was finally dropping with her that this was the guy Kurt needed to be with forever. He was the one who was going to be Kurt's only hope to beat this thing and she was more than willing to grab hold of that and make sure he could keep up. "You've said that a few times, you know. Puck referenced it too. You never said what, though." She wasn't pushing. It was just an observation, but as Blaine was so freely here to help Kurt with his struggles, she had to wonder what his were to make him so tough.

She gave a frown of concern hearing Blaine's graphic description of Kurt's condition. She didn't now how she would handle if he ended up as bad as he was last time he battled this. It really had been touch and go. As far as she was concerned, as confronting as it was for Kurt and everyone around him to witness, if they needed to feed him through a tube to sustain him, it was better than nothing. She still had the images in her head of when she saw him like that for the first time. He had been asleep and she went to the hospital with Mercedes, and they were feeding him with a tube in his nose. It had been horrible and Burt had told them how Kurt had been screaming in protest at it because it was painful, until he just gave in. She didn't know if Blaine would handle that. "It's okay, sweetie. Kurt will just probably end up wearing hats or bandanas if his hair bothers him. Which is pretty hot, you know. He looks badass in a bandana. Seriously, though, once he gets back on his feet again, like we know he wants to, you guys should check in for a weekend at a day spa. Get the works. He loves that sort of thing."