(no subject)
im writing ths for myself just because i need to let myself talk...and then read what i say and think about it.
in that past two weeks i have had alot of awesome times...but something seriously just isnt right. i miss things the way they were. i never really knew how perfect mylife really was...even tho i go through mad fucked up shit...i dunno i cant explain it.
i feel fucking empty...i miss people...i miss times...i dont want to see anyone else die from fucking drugs..i dont want to seee another god damned person fuck themself....i wish things would stop changing...and i wish they would stop changing so god damned fast...my lifes a freaking blur...theres so much i have to take in and i just dont want to do it nemore. i have a fucking blackhole that follows me around and i swear it just sucks every thing into it and fucks me in the ass. its not even like nething bad as happened to me i just dont feeel right. i dont know what the hell im doing nemore...im not even doing nething wrong now adays and i still dont feel right. ha whoa i feel like the new freakng orry. thats one crazy bitch. neway...i just wanna feel complete...i dunno if i could get that from a job...or a pet...or a fucking significant other...i just would like to feel right...id also like to stop babbling.
i havent smoked weed. i quit that...it was easy.
i have become a major alcoholic...i get drunk everynight....alcoholism run on both sides of my family...i need to stop..but its really all that makes me happy. aa here i come.
i talked to a kid from jacksonville tonight. he made me think. i dont like that.
im in love....yes i just said that...i had alot of time to think about that one....in love with someone i cant even fucking find, hes fucking missing in action and has no clue im looking for him. its contriuting to the emptiness.
some of my freinds are bullshit...an then some are the greatest people i know.
hah i love hunter i think of him as one of my only tru blue guy freinds lately...thank u for making me smile when i feel like shit...and u dont even know ur doing it. ha thats y i love u...i tell u everyday tho so i dunno why im typing this shit.
neway right now i just feel like shit...it might be sleep deprovation...i havent slept in three days...or it might just be i really am depressed...but i doubt that. i wish life werent such a fucking bitch. its starting to get to me a little bit.
in that past two weeks i have had alot of awesome times...but something seriously just isnt right. i miss things the way they were. i never really knew how perfect mylife really was...even tho i go through mad fucked up shit...i dunno i cant explain it.
i feel fucking empty...i miss people...i miss times...i dont want to see anyone else die from fucking drugs..i dont want to seee another god damned person fuck themself....i wish things would stop changing...and i wish they would stop changing so god damned fast...my lifes a freaking blur...theres so much i have to take in and i just dont want to do it nemore. i have a fucking blackhole that follows me around and i swear it just sucks every thing into it and fucks me in the ass. its not even like nething bad as happened to me i just dont feeel right. i dont know what the hell im doing nemore...im not even doing nething wrong now adays and i still dont feel right. ha whoa i feel like the new freakng orry. thats one crazy bitch. neway...i just wanna feel complete...i dunno if i could get that from a job...or a pet...or a fucking significant other...i just would like to feel right...id also like to stop babbling.
i havent smoked weed. i quit that...it was easy.
i have become a major alcoholic...i get drunk everynight....alcoholism run on both sides of my family...i need to stop..but its really all that makes me happy. aa here i come.
i talked to a kid from jacksonville tonight. he made me think. i dont like that.
im in love....yes i just said that...i had alot of time to think about that one....in love with someone i cant even fucking find, hes fucking missing in action and has no clue im looking for him. its contriuting to the emptiness.
some of my freinds are bullshit...an then some are the greatest people i know.
hah i love hunter i think of him as one of my only tru blue guy freinds lately...thank u for making me smile when i feel like shit...and u dont even know ur doing it. ha thats y i love u...i tell u everyday tho so i dunno why im typing this shit.
neway right now i just feel like shit...it might be sleep deprovation...i havent slept in three days...or it might just be i really am depressed...but i doubt that. i wish life werent such a fucking bitch. its starting to get to me a little bit.