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Have you ever been outside stargazing and wondered if someone else was looking at the same star as you? I did for the first time last night. I felt like only a speck in time, an annoying piece of thread on the shoulder of God. Sadly, that's all I am, because like that lifeless piece of thread, i have no control over my emotions and my outcome. Like the finger flicking that piece of thread away, so was I by that special girl. I feel like an annoyance, i am that fly that will not go away, that tingling in your nose just before you sneeze, that pimple on your face that keeps coming back. I am unwanted like the broccoli on a kid's plate. i am good for you, yet you do not want me. I am not saying that i am the one, only that i can give you so much if only you'd let me. I would do anything for you, but you have cast me aside for your dessert, you piece of chocolate cake. My heart is like a reopened wound, the band-aid that covered it has been ripped off. The warm blood seeps down my skin once again, a constant reminder of what could have been. I had to lose it all to know that i had it all, had to mess things up to realize that i needed to fix them. My blood, my essence, my emotions, have been spilled and you know how i feel, that's what is so difficult. I am the dice in your hands, the odds are against me, my chances are low. You, the flower in my life, are also the burden upon my back. You cannot be both at once, can you? Maybe it's all up to me to decide what you are to me. Yes, i ultimately choose what to make you to me, but i can never be satisfied unless i can share these feelings with you. Like the beginning of summer vacation, so is it when you smiled at me. I wish you did not have your wall up and would just let me know what is going on. Do i have to climb it or will you just lower your defenses down? I know that you are holding back, i know that I am the reason for the wall in your life. Please just take this chance with me. Trust your heart, and you'll make the right choice. God is there, he will lead you in the right direction, as he will me. My heart is filled in him, yet it is neither complete nor incomplete without you. You are the icing on the cake, the cake is still called a cake, although the icing makes it so much more enjoyable. I know you are safe in your shell where you are, and I am not asking you to forget your first anything; but if you took that chance, if you stepped out of your shell, i will catch you when you fall, i will be there when you need me. Inside your sheel are you truly happy, do you have everything you want? I made my own shell because i wanted one for so long, but i mistreated it and it broke. I also learned that having a relationship just because I was tired of being single and wanted one was not the right thing to do. I have learned from my mistakes, i am different. But one thing remains the same...the feeling at the pit of my stomach, like going down a roller coaster, everytime i see you or hear your voice. I am climbing up the roller coaster, nervously awaiting the fall. I cannot see what lies below me, only the back of a stranger's head. I hope that you will be there when i take the fall, and if not, that you will let me catch you. I will always be there to catch you, no matter what. You are my elusive prize, i hope God, when he gives me my icing, that it will be you. Right now you are my icing, and i feel that God has provided me with a second chance. 'I can do everything through Christ who Strengthens me' and 'you do not realize now what i am doing, but later you will understand.' I will eventually understand everything and why we met, but until then i know only God's will and my emotions. He will be with me in all i do forever, and i hope that you can see me the way i see you, as a beautiful, delicate rose in full bloom. Your thorns have pricked my finger, but i still come back for more, and will continue until God points me in another direction. I wish i knew everything, because things would be much easier, but i am just a pesky fly, that piece of dust on your shoulder, that you have brushed aside. I will be your icing if you let me, all you have to do is ask.