Before: Before the First Kiss
Dilan loves girls. He loves how they move, how they look, how they smell. He loves touching them, and being touched by them. Over the past two years he's gotten one hell of an education in how to please girls and learned a lot about what he likes as well. He likes it when someone strokes his ears, he loves teeth, oral is just amazing in ways that he never, ever, ever expected. Sex is awesome and it makes his head spin almost enough to distract him from class work.
What's hard is, well. Getting hard in awkward times and positions. Like when he glances over at Braig and sees him waving his hands just like that and has a sudden vision of those hands on him. When he's curled up in bed with Braig like they've done since he was six and the smell just goes straight into his penis. It's awkward and it makes him feel awkward and he just -
Braig is his best friend. He doesn't want to lose that. He can't bear the idea of losing that. Everything he is and everything he has is turned toward keeping Braig from knowing just how much he wants.
There are weeks where he attempts to quantify what it is. He's not gay - no other guy real, fictional, celebrity, or whatever has made him so much as twitch. He's not bi either for the same reasons. It's not the ears because almost everyone in their town is Braig's species. Same deal with the eyes. The long hair might have a little to do with it - he likes silky hair. It's weak and he knows it's weak but he doesn't get why Braig is making him hard.
He loves the older boy. Really, truly, deeply, from the bottom of his toes to the top of his head he's crazy over Braig and Braig - likes girls. Only girls. It's probably a good thing that he's too self-absorbed to realize that Dilan is nuts over him.
That's another thing, why can he love - why is he so stupidly in love - with someone so self-absorbed? Braig is lazy, he lets Dilan do all the work keeping their rooms clean and making sure that their clothing is in the hampers. Although he does let Dilan sleep with him and has since Dilan was six. Braig is selfish, he takes what he wants and doesn't even think about other people. Although he does give things to Dilan when he notices that the younger boy is interested. He's egotistical and assumes that he's better than everyone at everything. Okay so he is better than everyone else at almost everything and he does admit that Dilan can keep up with him if asked. Braig is a jackass and Dilan loves him for it.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.” it's muffled into the pillow of the bed he never sleeps in. Even trying to make himself stop wanting Braig he only makes himself harder. He curls up around his pillow and tries not to think about the dark silk of Braig's hair and the golden glint of Braig's eyes and the width of Braig's shoulders when he gets dressed in the morning and “ARRRRRGHHH!”
He's stupidly in love with Braig and he doesn't know what to do about it.
What's hard is, well. Getting hard in awkward times and positions. Like when he glances over at Braig and sees him waving his hands just like that and has a sudden vision of those hands on him. When he's curled up in bed with Braig like they've done since he was six and the smell just goes straight into his penis. It's awkward and it makes him feel awkward and he just -
Braig is his best friend. He doesn't want to lose that. He can't bear the idea of losing that. Everything he is and everything he has is turned toward keeping Braig from knowing just how much he wants.
There are weeks where he attempts to quantify what it is. He's not gay - no other guy real, fictional, celebrity, or whatever has made him so much as twitch. He's not bi either for the same reasons. It's not the ears because almost everyone in their town is Braig's species. Same deal with the eyes. The long hair might have a little to do with it - he likes silky hair. It's weak and he knows it's weak but he doesn't get why Braig is making him hard.
He loves the older boy. Really, truly, deeply, from the bottom of his toes to the top of his head he's crazy over Braig and Braig - likes girls. Only girls. It's probably a good thing that he's too self-absorbed to realize that Dilan is nuts over him.
That's another thing, why can he love - why is he so stupidly in love - with someone so self-absorbed? Braig is lazy, he lets Dilan do all the work keeping their rooms clean and making sure that their clothing is in the hampers. Although he does let Dilan sleep with him and has since Dilan was six. Braig is selfish, he takes what he wants and doesn't even think about other people. Although he does give things to Dilan when he notices that the younger boy is interested. He's egotistical and assumes that he's better than everyone at everything. Okay so he is better than everyone else at almost everything and he does admit that Dilan can keep up with him if asked. Braig is a jackass and Dilan loves him for it.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.” it's muffled into the pillow of the bed he never sleeps in. Even trying to make himself stop wanting Braig he only makes himself harder. He curls up around his pillow and tries not to think about the dark silk of Braig's hair and the golden glint of Braig's eyes and the width of Braig's shoulders when he gets dressed in the morning and “ARRRRRGHHH!”
He's stupidly in love with Braig and he doesn't know what to do about it.