(no subject)

[sleptwithghost]

Its hard when when the girl that you are in love with doesnt belive you
when every single word you  say somehow turns into a lie
and the truth doesnt exist
I used to think that I wouldnt try to do something if i didnt already know that  I could do it
but now I know i cant be the perfect boyfriend
things ive fucked up with in the past are always going to come back in the end to haunt me and put a dent in things
and thats fair to some extent
but not always
im not horrible
im not great
im just me and thats who ive always been
ive gotten rid of the bad parts of me but those are what seem to shine through the most
ive never been on a high horse yet i keep gettng knocked off of it anyways
so im left wait a feeling of failure
and ill lay in my bed holding the sweater of the girl i love thinking of how little she thinks of me right now
its not as though ill be wondering just where it is i went wrong
but even when im doing something right
or not even doing anything at all
i still mess up
its a very hard thing
but when things do work
its beyond great
ill have the biggest smile on my face and feel like im on top of the world
hell i am on the top of the world as far as i care
and to see her smile is the sweetest thing in the world 
something i want to see all of the time
which is why it hurts so much when she doesnt belive that i love her
every moment though
either good or bad is worth it
just t have her around in some way