Time for me to think again.
Alright here goes. and to answer your question, yes, it's almost Red moon day for me so shush.:P
I went out with
dark_profanity today to Ateneo for stuff. It was a quick matter so we were able to finish around 2 pm then head home.
I've been getting "the vibe" again since I left Bicol. It all began with
*car conversation involving a certain cousin who was being paired off with a relative's relative*
The conversation went, one of my cousins attended some gathering and one of the relatives of someone saw her and asked if she could come to the next day's Villa Escudero outing. They had balikbayans home. She went.
defense #1: I had work that day, so whether or not they invited I couldn't go.
Clincher: I have a far closer relation (1st cousin status compared to her 2nd cousin status) to the relative involved. Why was I pushed away?
*car conversation involving another cousin who, upon seeing her picture, gets a "ang ganda naman ng apo mo" comment*
defense #2: Beauty is only skin deep, as I constantly remind myself.
All that self-affirmation always works, but of course, I need a little boost from outside forces too you know.
that's why Poldo stays put as my shopping buddy! :P
anyway, in light of those two drama-worthy scenes, I ignored the rising feelings completely. then this afternoon, around 6pm...
*read a plurk and somewhat gets reminded of her own past.*
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel that my feelings, though insignificant to a lot of people, are not worthy of a cup of coffee, late night crying sessions and other things girl bonding is all about. I always ask my mom why people don't seem to think that my feelings matter or that I also want to feel that the world is giving me a hug. I feel that I'm alone with my problems.
She just says:
"That's because we know kaya mo yan."
But sometimes I also want to feel that I'm worth something.
I keep asking Poldo if what I am doing is right, because I notice that people who don' give a damn and screw life here and there seem to be getting ahead in life, ahead of me, considering I followed all the things needed to do to set the mood for a good/imperfect but happy life.
I keep thinking that somewhere down the line, I probably did something wrong and I'm clutching at straws just figuring out where.
Despite the constant "you're doing good"s. Why does it not seem to be doing good?
Of course, I'm could be looking at a completely different aspect in life and choose to ignore all te rest, and as i write this, I recall all the other good things that do happen to me. It just escalates ten fold when red moon day draws near.
you're doing good mara. You're doing good.
I went out with
dark_profanity today to Ateneo for stuff. It was a quick matter so we were able to finish around 2 pm then head home.
I've been getting "the vibe" again since I left Bicol. It all began with
*car conversation involving a certain cousin who was being paired off with a relative's relative*
The conversation went, one of my cousins attended some gathering and one of the relatives of someone saw her and asked if she could come to the next day's Villa Escudero outing. They had balikbayans home. She went.
defense #1: I had work that day, so whether or not they invited I couldn't go.
Clincher: I have a far closer relation (1st cousin status compared to her 2nd cousin status) to the relative involved. Why was I pushed away?
*car conversation involving another cousin who, upon seeing her picture, gets a "ang ganda naman ng apo mo" comment*
defense #2: Beauty is only skin deep, as I constantly remind myself.
All that self-affirmation always works, but of course, I need a little boost from outside forces too you know.
that's why Poldo stays put as my shopping buddy! :P
anyway, in light of those two drama-worthy scenes, I ignored the rising feelings completely. then this afternoon, around 6pm...
*read a plurk and somewhat gets reminded of her own past.*
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel that my feelings, though insignificant to a lot of people, are not worthy of a cup of coffee, late night crying sessions and other things girl bonding is all about. I always ask my mom why people don't seem to think that my feelings matter or that I also want to feel that the world is giving me a hug. I feel that I'm alone with my problems.
She just says:
"That's because we know kaya mo yan."
But sometimes I also want to feel that I'm worth something.
I keep asking Poldo if what I am doing is right, because I notice that people who don' give a damn and screw life here and there seem to be getting ahead in life, ahead of me, considering I followed all the things needed to do to set the mood for a good/imperfect but happy life.
I keep thinking that somewhere down the line, I probably did something wrong and I'm clutching at straws just figuring out where.
Despite the constant "you're doing good"s. Why does it not seem to be doing good?
Of course, I'm could be looking at a completely different aspect in life and choose to ignore all te rest, and as i write this, I recall all the other good things that do happen to me. It just escalates ten fold when red moon day draws near.
you're doing good mara. You're doing good.