Buried in Sand

[slender_dragon]

As I look at it half-buried in sand, the tears cloud my eyes.

I see you.

I want you.

I had you.

And I lost you.

I brush the tears away in frustration, wondering just WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED.

I want to bleed because that's what I feel. Pain.

I want to hurt, because I am hurting.

I want to yell, scream and shout, because I feel my words are falling on deaf ears.

And I want to kill my feelings, because I don't want to feel anymore.

I don't want to hate you anymore.

I don't want to love you anymore.

I don't want to give you a second chance anymore.

I don't want time to remind me of the hurt and the anger.

I bottle it all up, never to show it, because it matters not that I cried. It mattered not that I wanted you to come get me.

You didn't.

True, I should be able to save myself.

But maybe I was just waiting for you to show me just how much I mattered to you.

Aunt Irma or not, this is real.

It was always real.

I may not love you romantically, save that for your lover.

I love you still.

I wait still, hoping one day, a day I still remember hope, that you will be back.

And things will be back, as if the dark cloud never came to swallow us both.

I took you out because I didn't want to see any more things that will only hate you more.

I am happy you are happy, but I will be honest. I also want to be a part of that happiness.

In my prayers I pray I find peace, and find the reason behind why I cared about you.

I pray that I can look back at this and laugh someday, realizing just how immature this whole thing was.

But right now, I am still in pain, I don't care if it's been months.

I have been hurt

And for that, I will cry and whine and wail about it.