lonelygirl11
If I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, why don't I write here? My emotions don't make much sense to me. So often there is such strife in my mind without any compromise between emotion and logic. Sometimes, it's almost if they are at war and trick each other into helping one another, but never really helping me. I wish my grandma hadn't left so soon, but I felt so bad about her rushing to my rescue, that I couldn't ask her to stay longer. Ugh! I can't even sit still to write more than a sentence at a time. Times like this I wish I had a car again. I can get out, but still be by myself. I can be around people as little as possible, but still get out of my apartment. Today I really miss my mom. But I'm afraid when I reach her, it won't be her. It will be the mom that hurts me. I don't want to feel all this anymore. Why can't it all just go away? Why can't I just disappear? No pleasure seems to be worth all of this pain. Food has no taste. Art has no depth. Words have no meaning. I don't belong here.