Tuesday...

[sleepytreedrago]

Still depressed. Still uninspired. Still angry. Still alone. Still unmotivated. My new manager is a bit annoying. Today I watched a bunch of episodes of Pete & Pete. I felt so much longing for the fun and character-driven stories. Is it totally fucked up to wish your childhood was like a tv show? There are so many moments I wanted to do differently. I wonder why I made the choices I did. Would a happier and more creative past have turned me into a neo-con? Would I have gotten a business degree and work in some high rise, drinking beer, marrying some rich asshole at some huge cliche wedding? Is ignorance really bliss? Those people seem to be happy and well adjusted, even if they lack passion, individualism, or inner beauty. Then again, who am I to be so judgmental? If I want pizza and Dr. Who, then I should get them and make everything work out in the end. If I want to make art, I need to stop feeling bad about it and do it already. Or not. It doesn't if it's not perfect. My mom still loves the painting i made for her. So what if I think it's crap. It's what she thinks that is important. I chose the subject and style based on what I knew she would enjoy, and she does. I feel better about it when I think that something is only art when it's intended audience thinks it's art. Fuck everything else. Does truth really matter either? If what we believe allows us to be stable, productive members of society, and enjoy life, without hurting others, why not let us believe? Isn't truth relative anyway? I feel thin today, and tall, and strong, so why can't I be those things? There are other women out there shortter, fatter, and weaker than I am. So I might as well feel confident in my flesh, right? I'm lovable, fuckable, huggable, and kissable. So what if some people don't agree? They don't have to. And who cares if my journal is boring? Don't read it!

It was awful that the past few years harbored a corrupt regime of crap, but now people are waking out of their comas and fighting back.

::hums "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"::