[exo] honey&lightning - iii

[printedapples]

Title: Honey&Lightning
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: total ~50k
Pairing: BaekYeol
Genre: hurt/comfort, heavy melodrama
Summary: Lightning never strikes the same place twice.
Warnings: Highlight for full list mentions of past domestic violence, illness, animal death



Baekhyun doesn't bring the topic up again in the days following, but he's extra affectionate with Chanyeol, doting on him even more so than before, reassuring him through caresses that fill him with hope.

He's tacked the decorations along the walls of their home, stringing the paper snowflakes across their windows and creating a walking troupe of elves above the frame of the main door. They talk about what they want to do over the holidays, and it’s a nice distraction for Chanyeol as he mulls over how he can broach the issue again. When he wakes up on Christmas Eve to an empty bed, Chanyeol panics and hurries into the living room to find Baekhyun sitting with his head in his hands, newspaper spread open on the table. He does not look like he has slept yet, dark rings circling the skin under his eyes.

He is still and tense, shoulders stiff and hunched. Chanyeol approaches with caution, resting his palm on Baekhyun's shoulder.

"Baekhyun?"

"He's dead." He says it so quietly Chanyeol almost misses it.

"What? Who?"

"He's dead," Baekhyun repeats, voice strained and hollow. When Baekhyun finally turns to look at him his face is caught halfway between confusion and grief. "Chanyeol," he starts, forcing a deep breathe. "Chanyeol, please take me outside. I. I need to be outside for a while - Chanyeol take me somewhere, anywhere."

That's all it takes for Chanyeol to move. He gathers a pile of clothes for them to wear, helping to dress Baekhyun, who's still petrified and shaking before dressing himself. Once they are both clothed, Chanyeol scoops up the shorter one in his arms and carries him out of the apartment, keys tucked away in his pocket. Baekhyun is too distraught to put on his shoes so Chanyeol carries him until they reach his bike, letting Baekhyun crawl off onto the seat before he mounts in front of him, triggering the ignition and kicking off. He is quiet again, and it feels oddly familiar, just like that time when Baekhyun was self conscious of his hand. This time though, he's holding on to Chanyeol, squeezing almost too tightly.

Chanyeol takes them to the park they frequent with Chorong, carrying Baekhyun on his back, then lowering him onto the bench with a bit of coaxing. Baekhyun curls up immediately with his knees to his chest, toes of his bare feet scrunching up from the cold contact with the metal. Chanyeol takes off his jacket and wraps it around Baekhyun's feet, sitting slightly further away than usual, giving Baekhyun some space to breathe.

He stays quiet for a while more, forehead resting on his knees as he gathers his thoughts, sorts out his mind. He reaches out for Chanyeol's hand, grasping it firmly before he begins.

"Remember that day at the Han river, when I told you about the piano prodigy I was in a relationship with?" Chanyeol nods.

"He's dead. Died two days ago."

Baekhyun starts shaking again at this point, and Chanyeol stays silent, squeezing his hand tightly in reassurance, the only thing he can do.

"When I moved in with him I was only nineteen. I was too young, Chanyeol, too young and too naive. He was nice when we were out on dates, or in school, and he would often call or text me to check on me. At first I thought it was great that he cared so much, but then things started to change when he graduated."

Baekhyun's so tense his nails are digging into the flesh of Chanyeol's hand, but he pays it no mind, ignoring the pain.

"He graduated when he turned twenty one. You know what they say about talent? You're a genius when you're fifteen, but once you turn twenty you're a normal person, just like everyone else. Twenty one is when hard work catches up. He managed to get jobs quite easily at first, but then he started stagnating and he just couldn't meet the expectations society had of a former prodigy. They expected him to become special, outstanding at least, but he had become plain, ordinary.

“After his third concert flop, he started to... he started hitting me."

Chanyeol inhales sharply, trying to quell the rising anger in his chest.

"At first I let him. He was stressed out because of employment and finances, and I thought he was just lashing out. I thought it was a one off thing."

"He hit you, Baekhyun." Chanyeol forces the words out, pained just from speaking them. "That is never okay."

"Then the texts and calls became overbearing, oppressive. If I was eating with classmates he'd demand to know who they were, where we were, why we were eating together. I wasn't allowed anywhere but to school and classes, and I couldn't meet my brother anymore because he was paranoid and obsessed with the idea that I was planning on leaving him.

“He even started stalking me at school. I bore with it, hoping that it would just be a phase. I didn't have anywhere else to go. My brother was newly married with a young child, and I didn’t want to put them in danger. I also wasn't welcome in my old home.

“But things just got worse. He started drinking, and word had spread about how the once revered prodigy was nothing more than a drunkard and shadow of his teenage self, so it got even harder to get jobs, especially after all the screw ups with performances.

“Rumours about me started to spread around then, that I was out for his money, that I was with him only for his reputation. That I was the cause of his ruin.

“Every night he would drink, and every night he would hit me, kick me, punch me, throw things at me, shove me against the piano, strip me, call me degrading names. He'd check my cell phone so I had close to little contact with other people, and I grew to have a mentality that maybe, perhaps, I was the cause of his problems. I had already broken my family, and I blamed myself, so I couldn't fight back.

"I started wearing turtle necks and long sleeves to hide the bruises. When I graduated I got a job at one of the hotels in downtown Seoul, and with my income I hoped things would get better. But it didn’t. At that point I was getting so scared that I was concealing my full salary from him, sending a portion to my hyung, but whatever money I channelled into our shared expenses he would squander away gambling or drinking. It got so bad that we even had our electricity cut.

"A few days before we met, that was when I finally snapped out of it." Baekhyun takes a deep breath while Chanyeol rubs his back soothingly. "He was drunk when I got back from work, and he shoved me to the floor and started kicking me. He stepped on my hand, and one of my fingers got injured. After that he pushed me to the piano and started yelling at me to play. Rachmaninoff's second concerto. The piece that brought me back to classical music. At that point I could barely see through my own tears, and my hand hurt so much I couldn't do it. I couldn't move my index and pinkie. I begged him to let me stop but he wouldn't. He grabbed my left hand and took off the ring, to pawn for money, I suppose. Then he broke my finger."

Chanyeol is absolutely seething, flushed and hot from the rising anger, eyes hard and cold. Baekhyun reaches out to caress his cheek, and the fury dissolves into hurt, into pain, into helplessness and frustration.

"I couldn't get myself to a hospital until the next morning when he was passed out. By then it was too late, the tissue in my ri - um, fourth finger had been starved of oxygen for too long. They could fix my other fingers, but not that one.

“I stayed at the hospital for a few days after the amputation, but that was as much as my savings would allow for. I couldn't afford to get treated for anything else.

“I went back to our place after that. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to work things out so, so badly. I already tore family apart; I didn't want my relationship to fall through as well. But when I walked through the door he was there, waiting, and there were soju bottles all over the floor.

“The piano was trashed as well, legs broken and splintered. That piano was my sole comfort, it was mine. He grabbed me and tried to hit me then, and I finally snapped.

“For the first time in years I fought for myself. I shoved him away as hard as I could, which wasn’t all that hard considering I had a casted hand. He just got angrier and flew in fury at me. What happened after was a huge mess, and I can't remember much of it besides the fact that I was distraught. I just completely lost it. I kicked out when he was trying to undo my belt. I couldn’t let him have that. I think he slipped on one of the soju bottles while trying to regain his balance, then he fell and hit his head on the corner of our table.

“I thought I killed him, Chanyeol. I thought I was a murderer. I got up and ran, took the bus as far as I could go, and then I walked until I found a place I could just hide out in, and take shelter from the rain. I didn't dare contact my family, and I couldn't tell you either because I was scared you would get implicated. I didn't want you to get hurt.

“Turns out I wasn't the one who killed him. He drank himself to death. He passed away from alcohol poisoning.

That night I lost two loves." Baekhyun ends. "I fell for his talent, his music. I fell in love for all the wrong reasons but still, it was," Baekhyun pauses to breathe. "Love. Even if it was foolish and blind."

“Is that why you've been checking the news so diligently?" Chanyeol asks quietly.

Baekhyun nods. “I've been looking through the obituaries every day. After the first three weeks, when I didn't see anything I started to relax a little, but I couldn't be too sure. What if no one had found him? I did the crosswords every day to try to hide it, but it also helped me to pass the time. That's why I changed my hair colour too, in case the police were looking for me. In case he was still alive and trying to track me down.

“I'm sorry I kept this from you Chanyeol, I'm sorry I had to lie to you. I didn't mean to deceive you." Baekhyun apologises quickly. He squeezes Chanyeol's hand tightly, scared that the other would feel betrayed.

Chanyeol shakes his head with a sigh. “You had your reasons. I'm not mad at you." He picks up Baekhyun's other icy cold hand, holding them both in his own, blowing on them to warm them up.

“I’m so confused Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whimpers. “Is it bad that I'm relieved he’s gone? It's like I can finally breathe, I'm so glad I can finally be honest with you but at the back of my mind there's this bone crushing sadness that I can't explain. Like my lungs are filled with sharp, heavy rocks."

"He tried to break you," Chanyeol chokes out. "Baekhyun, he tried to - ”

Baekhyun pulls his hand out of Chanyeol's so he can wipe away the stray tears trailing down Chanyeol's cheek.

"Don't cry for me," Baekhyun kisses the spots under his eyes. "I've cried myself an ocean. I was alone, I had nothing, but I've never felt the urge to live as much as I did those few nights, in that run down car park.

"But now I have you, Chanyeol. I have you. I have a home, I have Chorong, I have a family." Baekhyun cups Chanyeol's cheek tenderly. "It hurts me to see you sad. It hurts more than any physical pain I can imagine."

"Thank you for telling me," Chanyeol wraps his arms around Baekhyun, pulling him close, pulling him so their chests are pressed against each other, heart to heart. "Thank you for trusting me."

"And thank you, Chanyeol, for...everything," He smiles brightly, and Chanyeol can't help but smile too.

"I love you." Baekhyun laughs, freely, happily. "With every fibre of my being, from the depths of this cleft, trampled heart, with every ounce of humanity in this body, Chanyeol, I have never been sure of anything more than I am sure of the fact that I love you."

*

They shower together to warm up when they get home, Baekhyun blushing adorably as they huddle, shivering under the hot water, both trying not to let their eyes stray too low, staying away from the twin trails of hair on their pelvises. Baekhyun shows Chanyeol all his tiny scars, guiding Chanyeol's hand so he can touch them, telling him each and every story, sharing all the hurt he's kept to himself, and somewhere in between the first and the twelfth, he stops feeling the shame he always had, standing proud and unafraid as Chanyeol strokes the marred flesh with gentle caresses, pressing lips to each spot when each story is done.

In return, Chanyeol shows him his own wounds, telling Baekhyun about all the accidents he’s had at work. Chanyeol catches Baekhyun staring at his reflection in the mirror when they're done, slightly dazed from the heat and affection.

"I feel weird," Baekhyun starts, reaching out to touch the mirror.

"Hmm?" Chanyeol replies, kissing his bare shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"I had those bruises for so long," Baekhyun muses. "It feels kind of odd without them. Like I lost a part of myself."

Chanyeol hmms and wraps him up in a towel, guiding him out of the bathroom, onto the bed. "Baekhyun."

"Mm?"

"Did you know you have quite a few moles?" Chanyeol chuckles, sidling up next to Baekhyun. His skin is warm and moist from their shower, delicious and tender.

Baekhyun blinks at him blankly. "Do I?"

"Well first there's this one on your thumb," Chanyeol teases him, holding his hand so he can peck it.

"Then there's this larger one on your ear." He manoeuvres himself so he's hovering over Baekhyun, supporting himself with arms on each side of his head. Baekhyun blushes violently when Chanyeol leans down to nibble on his ear, squeezing his eyes shut when the knot of the towel around Chanyeol's waist comes loose.

"And this really cute one at the corner of your mouth," he whispers before trailing his nose across Baekhyun's cheek, kissing him sweetly when he meets parted lips. They kiss slowly, intimately, and Chanyeol coaxes soft moans out of Baekhyun when he slips his tongue past teeth and into his mouth, wanting more and more as Baekhyun threads fingers into his hair and guides him closer with fingers pressed into his neck, moaning louder as he sucks on his bottom lip. He whines when Chanyeol pulls away to breathe, panting, admiring the way Baekhyun's hair is tousled and his lips are red and bruised, chest rising and falling as he catches his breath.

"Don't stop," he whines, pouting. Chanyeol shakes his head and smirks, continuing with what he started.

"But I recently discovered this adorable one on your nipple," he chuckles, pecking a trail down Baekhyun's neck, past the bump of his Adam's apple and nuzzling his collar bones before he reaches the pinkish nub, now erect, kissing it before nibbling on it with his lips. Chanyeol gives it a tentative lick when he hears Baekhyun's breath hitch. He earns himself a loud squeak when he draws his tongue across it slowly, high pitch dropping low into a moan when he does it again, more deliberately this time.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun pants as he rolls off his body and hops away, pulling on a shirt and boxers. Chanyeol smirks when he catches sight of Baekhyun's growing arousal when he ducks out of the room towards the kitchen.

"PARK CHANYEOL!" He hears Baekhyun shriek indignantly, followed by the sound of two pillows hitting the door. He pours them two glasses of juice as he breaks out into a fit of giggles, hiding his own blush with his hand as he imagines Baekhyun wanting and needy on the bed.

"I AM GOING TO STARVE YOU!" he screams, followed by a quieter, "Come back here please? Chanyeollie?"

*

Baekhyun doesn’t follow through with his threats at all, but he shoots Chanyeol a few scowls before they begin preparing for dinner. Chanyeol turns on the end of year music programme on the television, and they listen to the cheery emcees spew seasons greetings in between the equally peppy songs, singing along to the ones they knew.

They do not have anything particularly fancy, just their usual dinner of rice and stew, but with the addition of a separate plate of sliced turkey covered in cranberry sauce, and some dessert made by Baekhyun, served with generous dollops of honey and cream.

He cannot resist kissing Baekhyun when he sees his lips glossed and shiny from the sweet syrup. Baekhyun gladly indulges him, letting himself be pressed back against the edge of the couch, food forgotten on the table as his whimpers and moans blend into the music. He gives back as much as he takes, fervently licking away at the sweetness that coats both their mouths. Chanyeol's pretty sure he's doing it on purpose when he spills some of it on his chin, grinning at Chanyeol cheekily with a coy smile.

He does the dishes while Baekhyun goes to get changed. He lets Baekhyun have his only dress shirt because he said he wanted dress up, donning his usual clothes himself and waiting by the couch with the other presents he had gotten Baekhyun before. He busies himself with Chorong in the mean time, playing with her happily while he gave her her present, which consisted mainly of a variety of her favourite dog treats.

Chanyeol looks up when he hears the loud click of the disposable camera and a tiny, muffled giggle.

“You guys are so cute.” Baekhyun beams fondly when Chorong presses her nose to Chanyeol’s cheek. Baekhyun’s eyes light up with an idea, and he hops nimbly over to the couch, taking his place by Chanyeol’s side. “Hold that, Chorong!”

Chanyeol’s still confused but he smiles for the camera anyway. With Baekhyun kissing his left cheek and his dog licking his right, he can’t think of a situation more ideal than this, and Chanyeol laughs when Baekhyun takes another few shots of them together for good measure. Happiness hasn’t felt this easy in a long time.

Baekhyun clambers onto his lap so they can take another with peace signs and their heads touching, then slides off his legs so he can kneel on the floor and take one with his arms around Chorong. He puts the disposable camera away safely when it runs out of shots, kissing Chanyeol’s nose before asking sweetly for his phone so they can take more pictures together.

Baekhyun thanks him heartily when Chanyeol nudges his presents towards him and prompts him to open them, apologising sincerely for his own lack of presents for Chanyeol. He shakes his head and hugs Baekhyun tight to let him know it is okay, that his company is more than a gift in itself.

“Can I have you for Christmas?” Chanyeol asks jokingly, wiggling his eyebrows.

"You're so gross." Baekhyun scoffs in mock offence, laughing as he shoves Chanyeol away.

"You could've had me in the afternoon though," he adds quietly as an afterthought, and Chanyeol splutters in his seat, hiding the blush on his face with his hands.

“Baekhyun!”

Finally, Baekhyun reaches for the bag which held his presents. He opens it eagerly, face lighting up with delight as he pulls out the scarf and puts on the beanie, posing cutely for Chanyeol to admire. The scarf is a rich, saturated shade of navy blue that complements his skin tone, made of a chunky soft knit ending in a simple decorative snowflake pattern. Chanyeol laughs when he takes the tassels at the end and waves it in his face, using the loose strings to tickle his nose.

“You look dashing,” Chanyeol smiles, reaching out to play with the pompom bouncing about on Baekhyun’s head. Baekhyun wraps one end of scarf around Chorong’s collar after that, tugging on Chanyeol’s shirt until he’s sitting close enough for him to wrap the other end of the scarf around his neck, smiling proudly at his handiwork before scooting backwards so he can take a photo of them. He tsks at Chanyeol’s blank wallpaper before scrolling through the photo app and setting the image of them with the scarf as his default.

“That’s much better,” he grins as he returns the phone to Chanyeol, who smiles back and kisses him on the cheek.

*

The lights are brilliant, as expected, an abundance of sparkling, twinkling stars sprinkled across storefronts and streetlamps, hung from the branches of trees like meteors fluttering down through the dark night sky. Nothing though, compares to how pretty Baekhyun's eyes are as they blaze with wonderment and joy, sparkling deep black diamonds set against delicate powder snow.

Baekhyun rides pillion as usual, with his head securely tucked into Chanyeol's helmet, arms warm and pleasant around Chanyeol's waist. He goes slower than usual, taking extra care on the road and giving Baekhyun extra time to look around excitedly, fidgeting behind him nonstop as they cruise through the streets. He squeezes Chanyeol lightly whenever he spots particularly attractive decorations, excited voice muffled through the visor of the helmet.

It starts snowing on their way back, heavy flurries of snow pouring out from the dark clouds above. Baekhyun squeals so loudly Chanyeol can hear it loud and clear, and he decides to indulge Baekhyun by taking a left instead of a right, coming to a stop at the small park near their home.

Baekhyun is running off into the field before Chanyeol even manages to dismount, helmet still on his head as he starts spinning and waving his arms around. The snow continues to fall and soon the ground is covered in a pristine sheet of white - well as pristine as it can get with Baekhyun around, Chanyeol chuckles as he starts attempting to build a snowman.

"Chanyeol!" he yells excitedly, motioning for him to hurry over. The helmet lies forgotten by his feet as he gathers as much snow as he can with his bare hands, piling them together before getting Chanyeol to help pat the ice into place. Chanyeol continues compacting the ice while Baekhyun runs off in search of twigs and stones to use for arms and buttons. He comes back with his nose and cheeks pink from the cold, and Chanyeol tries to hug him from the back, but he wiggles free in favour of concentrating on building the head of the snowman.

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol pouts, pretending to be cross, and Baekhyun tackles him to the ground.

"Are you jealous of a snowman?" he asks, pressing his icy hands to Chanyeol's neck, which has him jerking up and rolling away, accompanied by Baekhyun's overjoyed laughter. They call a truce after Chanyeol slips some snow down Baekhyun's shirt, ducking as a ball of snow comes flying towards his head.

By the time they're done putting the helmet on their creation and arranging his face into a lopsided grin, the snow has let up a bit, light enough for Baekhyun to push Chanyeol back into the cushioned ground, wiggling on top of him after.

"What were the chances that we would find each other?" Chanyeol asks in wonder, cradling Baekhyun in his arms.

Baekhyun pauses to think, tickling Chanyeol's jaw. "Lightning never strikes the same place twice," he replies simply. "But sometimes Zeus decides to humour the winds of fate."

"Lightning struck," Chanyeol muses, admiring the softness of Baekhyun's face, his handsome brows and delightful eyes, the pouty lips and the breath taking beauty of it all combined, peering curiously at him. "I've been lightning-struck indeed."

*

Chanyeol has the next two days off. They spend most of their time at home, snuggling in bed or bundled up in blankets on the couch, watching whatever special programmes that were being telecast on TV while talking comfortably with each other, telling each other more about themselves and their lives. Baekhyun's completely opened up to him now, recounting animatedly the things he used to do with his hyung when he was a kid, the kind of food his mom would make them, and what they usually did for the new year. He mentions his mom's old job as a hair stylist and promises to show Chanyeol when he cuts his own hair. Baekhyun doesn't sound sad when he talks now, and even if Chanyeol picks up on hints of wistfulness every once in a while, it's drowned out by his usual playful tone.

Despite everything though, Baekhyun's insomnia just won't let up, the dark circles under his lower lids becoming permanent fixtures on his face. Chanyeol gets an idea after he catches Baekhyun examining his own reflection again, still bothered by the lack of bruises on his abdomen and torso.

“It’s weird isn’t it?” he frowns when Chanyeol steps behind him, large warm hand splayed across Baekhyun’s pale tummy.

“No it isn’t.” Chanyeol states firmly, rubbing soothing circles with his hand. “You are not weird at all, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun rests his hand over Chanyeol’s, soft against his bony knuckles. “Sometimes it feels like none of it ever happened.” He speaks softly, leaning into Chanyeol’s touch. “There’s nothing left and sometimes I wonder if I made it all up in my head. I still have those tiny scars and I’ll never get back my finger but something just feels…missing without the bruises. It's like the pain was never real."

"The pain was real Baekhyun. The pain was unimaginable and real, but you survived it." Chanyeol says firmly as he loops arms around his waist, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck, nibbling on his skin as Baekhyun squirms and giggles, sucking on it until a red mark appears. "You are the strongest person I know. You are Baekhyun: sweet, brave, courageous - a lionheart."

"Do that again," Baekhyun breathes, when Chanyeol bites him softly, admiring the discoloured mark on his neck. "Do it again Chanyeol," he pleads, moaning out loud when Chanyeol shifts his attention to the left side of his neck, repeating his earlier action. Baekhyun responds in quiet whimpers, uninhibited now, turning around so he can kiss him hungrily, curling his fingers into the fabric of Chanyeol's shirt as he pushes firmly, guiding him backwards until he's falling on top on Chanyeol on the mattress. Chanyeol flips them over quickly, covering Baekhyun's smaller body with his own. He doesn't prop himself up like usual, relishing the feel of Baekhyun's skin on his, laughing when Baekhyun pouts and says he can't breathe, trying to nudge Chanyeol's much heavier body off with his knee.

He accidentally brushes against Chanyeol's groin in the process, and he blushes a deep red when Chanyeol lets out a loud groan that slips past his throat, muscles tense from the sudden surge of pleasure shooting down his spine.

"Baek," Chanyeol manages to hiss. "Stop wiggling."

Baekhyun responds by pulling him down close for another kiss, slipping his tongue past parted lips and his hand under the hem of Chanyeol's shirt. His fingers are soft and cold against the heated skin of his tummy and Chanyeol shivers as his nails scrape gently against his abdomen.

"I'm cold," Baekhyun pants as he breaks their kiss to breathe, bumping his nose against Chanyeol's. "Warm me up?"

Chanyeol nods once before he feels Baekhyun tugging at the hem of his shirt, lifting the fabric so it's bunching up before pulling it over Chanyeol's head. He smiles delightedly when Chanyeol blushes, letting his fingers roam free, caressing and teasing newfound skinscapes and territory. He giggles when Chanyeol chokes and his hips jerk when Baekhyun tries to slip his hand past the waistband of the taller one's boxers. Baekhyun whines and pouts at him when he pulls away and shakes his head.

"Not yet," Chanyeol says firmly, trying not to let his voice shake. His heart is pounding so loudly in his ears he can barely hear anything else, except for the lovely sounds Baekhyun was emitting. "Tonight is about you, Baekhyun."

He silences Baekhyun's protesting whines with a curious kiss to one of his nipples, wondering if he would get the same reaction as before. Baekhyun all but shrieks when he does it, hyper sensitive from being aroused and he shoves Chanyeol away, expression halfway between crying and laughing.

"That tickles!" He cries, squirming as Chanyeol nudges the pink nub with his nose. "Chanyeol!"

But Chanyeol persists even as Baekhyun tangles his fingers in his hair, licking and swirling with his tongue purposefully until Baekhyun is relaxed and receptive, coaxing moans from him that escalate in volume when Chanyeol shifts to straddle his hips, grinding down on the growing bump in his slightly damp boxers. He palms him through the thin cloth, earning grunts and whimpers when he flexes his fingers and adds pressure to the hardening flesh.

"Chan - " Baekhyun's eyes flutter shut when he strokes him firmly. " - yeol."

"Can I, Baekhyun?" He tugs at the hem of Baekhyun's, or rather, his navy boxers, slipping it past Baekhyun's thighs when Baekhyun nods thrice eagerly and lifts his hips, erection now freed from friction, hard and resting against his abdomen. The head of his penis is pinkish and cute, colour reflected in his bruised lips and Chanyeol can't resist giving it an experimental kiss. Baekhyun writhes underneath him, panting and needy. Blood rushes to his own groin when he catches sight of the discarded boxers, now on the floor, stained and soiled with Baekhyun's precum.

He's about to kiss Baekhyun again when he turns his head quickly to the side, and his lips press against his flushed cheek instead.

"Chanyeol," He pouts. "I want to touch you too."

"Can I look at you?" he asks as he plays with Chanyeol's waistband, tugging down his boxers quickly when Chanyeol nods. Baekhyun giggles when he reaches his hand downwards between Chanyeol's legs and wraps his fingers around his heavy length, giving it a slow stroke before letting go to fondle Chanyeol.

"You’re… kinda...big," he giggles with glee and Chanyeol squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment, not used to scrutiny. Baekhyun calls him cute and kisses him sweetly before stroking him again, delighted when Chanyeol moans his name, loud and drawn out.

"Baekhyun!" He gasps when the smaller one swirls his thumb around the sensitive head twice. Chanyeol's hips buck instinctively when Baekhyun does it again with added pressure, and he shimmies upwards so Baekhyun can reach more easily. He lets his pelvis rest against Baekhyun's and grinds down hard before rolling his hips once, nice and deliberate, and the pleasured mewl that slips past Baekhyun's throat is so attractive that Chanyeol feels himself throb painfully at the sound.

"Chanyeol," Baekhyun whimpers, guiding Chanyeol's hand to his own erection as he spreads his legs apart. "Touch me, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol gladly obliges, stroking Baekhyun slowly with one hand while he fondles him with the other, manoeuvring so he can slip his tongue into Baekhyun's open mouth. Baekhyun's soft moans and whimpers egg him on as he slides his hand harder, faster, until Baekhyun's hips are bucking up into his hand and his breathing turns into heavy pants and gasps. He whines loudly when Chanyeol pulls his hands away from his groin, using the back of his now sticky palm to brush away the bangs that have fallen across Baekhyun's forehead, kissing him on the nose and eyes before nibbling on his lips. He pulls back quickly after, sitting on his heels as he admires the sight before him, Baekhyun languid from arousal, flushed pink and nipples erect, legs splayed apart as he waits for Chanyeol to return, eyes hazy from arousal but crystal clear with love. Baekhyun is stunning and beautiful, lovely even as he frowns and pouts, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. Chanyeol's heart aches and he longs to be close, closer, feeling Baekhyun's pulse, quick and strong, thrumming through his body.

The three words he wants to say are on the tip on his tongue, natural, easy, loaded, but he can't. Not yet, even as Baekhyun hooks a leg behind his neck and nudges him close, eyes curious and concerned. He caresses Chanyeol's cheek patiently. Chanyeol feels torn, full of regret that he can't tell Baekhyun the words he wants to hear, can't chant it to him a hundred, a thousand, a million times in whispers, in loud declarations. But he's sure, absolutely so, that he doesn't deserve to speak them until he tells Baekhyun the whole truth about himself, and his future, so he bites down the words and keeps them for another day, pressing fluttery kisses down Baekhyun's thigh as he sighs the name closest to what he truly wants to say: "Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun."

"I will cherish you," Chanyeol growls fiercely as he kisses his way up Baekhyun's body, stopping only to lick and suck at his throat, scraping teeth over skin until a pretty poppy blooms crimson on his Adam's apple.

"And I will keep you safe," he says firmly as he lets his mouth roam over Baekhyun's trembling skin, leaving a constellation of love bites in his wake. Baekhyun has his hands tangled gently into his long hair, cupping his ears and tracing skin lightly.

"For you are precious," he breathes, resting his forehead against Baekhyun's. When he moves back so he can look into Baekhyun's eyes the smaller one's firm nod and happy, dopey smile tells him that Baekhyun knows, that Baekhyun understands all the words he's left unsaid.

"And I am yours," he ends, kissing Baekhyun sweetly, relief pulsing through his veins as Baekhyun laughs into their kisses, nodding again each time, beaming up at Chanyeol whenever they part to breathe with the prettiest blush on his cheeks.

He yelps when Chanyeol ducks away after, licking teasingly down his abdomen until his lips are nibbling on Baekhyun's half hard cock. Chanyeol guides his legs apart while he strokes the corner of his hip, helping him to relax as he takes Baekhyun into his mouth. Baekhyun moans his name when he bobs his head up and down, hollowing his cheeks and sucking until the smaller one is hard again, thrusting helplessly into Chanyeol's mouth, searching for friction from gentle scrapes of teeth and tongue. He keeps one hand at Chanyeol's nape and loops his legs around his torso to keep Chanyeol in place, fingers pressed into the ridges at the base of his spine.

When Baekhyun comes with a loud cry of his name, Chanyeol keeps his mouth over him as his cock pulses against his tongue and his thighs tighten around his ribcage, swallowing up every last drop with soft licks. Baekhyun tastes sweet and smooth. He pulls away when Baekhyun's legs slip down and he makes a quiet sound, nudging Chanyeol for hugs and cuddles and kisses, limbs especially pliant after his release.

"Chanyeol," he breathes as he steals a kiss, leaning into the warmth emanating from the taller one's body. "Chanyeol."

His lids start to droop as his breathing evens out. Chanyeol cradles him in his arms, bumping noses with Baekhyun while he pats his hair softly, drinking up the I love yous that spill from Baekhyun's lips as he drifts off to sleep with his left hand curled over Chanyeol's heart. Baekhyun glows happily even with his eyes shut, sleep softened features filled with crystal light.

He untangles himself from Baekhyun's adorably clingy limbs once the smaller one is deep in sleep with his pert mouth and swollen lips slightly parted, eyelashes casting delicate shadows onto his cheekbones, hair tousled and falling across his forehead. Chanyeol pulls the blanket up to his shoulders and tucks him in safely before ducking into the bathroom to deal with his own aching boner.

He thinks of Baekhyun as he touches himself, hot and heavy in his own hand, drowning in images of Baekhyun spreading his legs for him, Baekhyun screaming his name, Baekhyun moaning and grinding and snapping hips in thrusts to meet his, writhing as he comes hard with stars and love in his eyes. He tugs and swirls until his length is slick and smooth in the circle of his palm, quickening his pace until he's choking on muffled cries, coming helplessly with Baekhyun's name at the tip of his tongue and his taste at the back of his throat.

Chanyeol cleans himself up quickly, hurrying back to bed with wobbly legs. Baekhyun has turned onto his side, arm outstretched towards where Chanyeol would usually be. He hops back into bed naked and slips under the duvet, accommodating himself to Baekhyun's body, flooded with affection when the smaller one latches on to him instinctively.

Chanyeol steals one last goodnight kiss from Baekhyun, and with him in his embrace, for the first time in months, or maybe even years, Baekhyun dreams against his shoulder with a smile on his lips, letting go of all his pain as he finally breathes easily.

*

Chanyeol is awakened by the stubborn vibrating of his phone under his pillow, and Baekhyun stirs as he squirms around, trying to fish out the device before the caller gives up on waiting for him to pick up. His eyes widen in surprise when he sees the name on his screen, hurriedly swiping his thumb across the glass and bringing the device to his ear.

"Yah! Chanyeollie," His sister’s cheerful voice greets through the static. “Were you still asleep?”

“Hey noona,” he replies back. His voice is hoarse and gravelly from sleep. She laughs at him teasingly, and Chanyeol smiles at the sound. He’s missed his sister - they were extremely close when they were both still schooling, and she loved doting on him, dragging him out shopping and making him share desserts with her at cafes. She is probably the reason why he has such a fondness for sweet things.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun wakes then, sitting up as he rubs his eyes sleepily, head tilted in confusion.

“Baby brother? Is there someone there with you? In bed?” He hears her voice raise excitedly as he winces and holds the phone away from his ear, leaning over to kiss Baekhyun good morning on his cheek. “Park Chanyeol! I heard another voice!”

“It’s my sister, Yura,” he chuckles as Baekhyun blushes, leaning against him in the cold winter morning. He holds the phone to Baekhyun’s ear gently, smiling. “Introduce yourself, say hello,”

Baekhyun looks back at him in panic, stuttering as Chanyeol gives him a supportive nudge. “H-hello,” He says meekly before shaking his head and motioning for Chanyeol to move the phone away. He crawls into his lap as Chanyeol laughs, not bothered by the fact that they were still both naked, clinging to Chanyeol for warmth.

“He sounds cute!” Yura exclaims before launching into a barrage of questions. ”Are you dating him? Is he your boyfriend? What’s his name? Have you done it with him yet?”

“Noona!” Chanyeol protests at the last question, feeling a blush creep onto his face. Baekhyun blinks at him curiously, and he kisses his neck to hide his embarrassment. “Yes, Yes, his name is Baekhyun and no, not yet. Why do you even want to know?”

“You’re my baby brother, of course I’d be curious.” She giggles and Chanyeol sighs, carding his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair. Baekhyun leans forward to kiss him on the nose. “Anyway, I just called to check if you’ll be coming home for New Years’. Baekhyun is, of course, welcome as well.”

“I’ll be there,” He answers firmly. “I’ll let you know about Baekhyun later.”

They chat casually for a bit until Yura’s break at work ends and she has to hang up. Baekhyun’s curiosity has been piqued by his name being mentioned, and he pokes Chanyeol in the cheek once his phone is tossed aside on the bed.

“Where are you going?” he lilts coyly, nibbling on Chanyeol’s left ear, tongue poking out to lick around the shell of it.

“Why, will you miss me?” Chanyeol raises his eyebrows.

“Mmhmm,” Baekhyun nods twice, letting the tip of his nose trace over metal studs and cartilage, humming into his ear.

Chanyeol laughs and wiggles away. “I’ll tell you in a second if you stop teasing me.”

Baekhyun pouts and rolls off him, sitting back with the blankets wrapped loosely around his waist. The bites Chanyeol had left on his skin the night before speckle his pale torso, brazen landmarks mapping out eagerly surrendered territory. Baekhyun looks as lovely as ever even when scrunches up his nose at him, tousled bed hair sticking out at odd angles and falling in wisps over his face.

“Pretty,” He says, reaching out to brush the particularly red mark on Baekhyun’s neck with his fingertips, and Baekhyun smiles contentedly at the gesture. He sits up straight and shrugs off the blanket so Chanyeol can get a better look, inviting him to admire the patterns on his skin.

“Do you want to meet my family?” Chanyeol's asks, lips ghosting up his abdomen as he kisses his way past his heart and to his throat. He shivers when Chanyeol scrapes his teeth against a vein gently. Baekhyun has his fingers tangled in his messy locks, pressed soothingly against his scalp.

“Yes!” Baekhyun nods fervently. “Yes, of course!”

“Every New Year Yura and I take time off work to go visit our parents. They stay further out in a different city. It’s a couple of hours away by train, if you don’t mind coming along, I have something important I need to show you there.”

“I’d love to come along,” Baekhyun beams eagerly, and Chanyeol nods, tone serious again when he speaks.

"Baekhyun, this isn't going to be a joy trip. I promise I’ll tell you everything when we’re there,” He kisses Baekhyun’s collarbones, and Baekhyun quiets down, cradling Chanyeol’s head against his heart.

“Okay,” he says, smiling tenderly. “I’ll wait.”

*

Kyungsoo pops by the workshop again on the twenty-eighth. He hops off his bike with a large ribboned paper bag in his hand, greeting some of the other mechanics wordlessly before he comes to a stop in front of Chanyeol. Kyungsoo is a regular here, and most of Chanyeol’s colleagues knew him. Jongin is waiting on his own black bike, helmet still on his head, visor down. He waves amiably at Chanyeol across the distance.

“Presents for you and Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo states simply as he shoves the gift bag into Chanyeol’s arms. “Jongin picked out the bag, don’t ask.”

“Thanks Santa Soo,” Chanyeol replies, still slightly startled, accepting the gift graciously even as Kyungsoo scowls in annoyance.

“We’ve fixed up the next date for Wolf. You guys will have back to back shows on at the end of January. The rest of the members have already agreed.”

Chanyeol nods silently, typing the dates into his phone, marking them out on the digital calendar. There really is no point arguing with Kyungsoo over anything - what Kyungsoo wants, Kyungsoo will always get.

“Hmm?” he asks when he catches Kyungsoo biting on his lip, as if to speak. “What’s up?”

“When are you leaving?” he asks seriously, gaze piercing as he meets Chanyeol’s eyes.

“Tomorrow, in the morning.”

“Is Baekhyun…?” Kyungsoo gestures carefully, and Chanyeol almost catches a sigh of relief when he answers his friend.

“Yeah, he’s actually kind of excited about it,” Chanyeol bites his lip. He’s been apprehensive about Baekhyun’s response and their trip in general, anxious and worried. "I want to tell him everything. I think I'm ready."

“The presents will come in useful then,” Kyungsoo mumbles, clapping him on the shoulder. "I'll come by later to get your dog."

"Thanks, Kyungsoo,"

His friend shrugs in reply, turning swiftly away, hurrying back to Jongin.

*

"Hey," Baekhyun calls out gently from the doorway, poking head through the gap with a grin. "Are you ready?"

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol smiles, stretching his out his arms for a hug. “You look wonderful.”

Baekhyun is dressed in the gifts from his friends - a pair of nicely fitted denim trousers along with a simple yet stylish plaid shirt, worn under the leather jacket Chanyeol had given to him the first time they met. The clothes fit him perfectly, and Chanyeol admires the way his body is framed by the cuts of cloth. This is the first time he is seeing Baekhyun in clothes that aren’t his since the first night they met, back in late autumn. He has on the scarf and beanie from Chanyeol as well, bundled up warmly and ready to go. The little pompom on the beanie bounces as he walks.

Chanyeol lets Baekhyun's weight push him over onto his back, hands wrapping tightly around his waist when Baekhyun laughs and buries his face into Chanyeol's neck.

"I love you." he says simply, kissing Baekhyun's temple. It's selfish and unfair of him to say it so suddenly after holding out for so long, after everything before and everything yet to come, but the words slip stealthily past his lips, launched into the air impulsively from his heart. As much as Chanyeol has faith in Baekhyun he couldn't risk not letting the other know, not when he might not have him by his side again the next time he walks through the door to his apartment. The possibility is excruciatingly painful to imagine but nonetheless there.

Baekhyun remains quiet for a moment too long and Chanyeol shifts awkwardly, trying to change the topic. "We should go soon or we'll miss the train."

"Don't you dare brush it off, Chanyeol," Baekhyun threatens as he holds the taller one tightly, beaming up at him only to have his expression falter when he sees the frightened look in his lover's eyes. "Please don't turn away from me."

"I'm scared, Baekhyun, love," Chanyeol confesses, usually steady hands trembling as he reaches out to cup his cheek. Baekhyun's eyes soften when he takes a hold of Chanyeol's hands in his, holding them firmly between his smaller ones until they stop shaking, rubbing soothing circles over little scars and calluses until Chanyeol's hand is soft and warm again.

"My mom is ill."

Baekhyun perks attentively, but his hands are still soft and gentle against Chanyeol's own.

"She can't really control her body very well, and sometimes she struggles to talk,"

Baekhyun nods slowly.

"I just thought I should give you a bit of a heads up," Chanyeol says nervously. "It can be quite a shock."

"I understand," Baekhyun nods again firmly, before climbing off the mattress and tugging on Chanyeol's hand. Chanyeol stumbles after him helplessly, holding on desperately when Baekhyun spins around and tiptoes to kiss him full on the mouth, forceful, impassioned and reassuring all at the same time, pulling away only when the reminder on Chanyeol's phone beeps loudly in interruption.

"Come on," Baekhyun smiles gently as he stretches out his left hand for Chanyeol to take. "We have a train to catch."

part: iv/vi