there are no words for the life that is mine...
so r and i had another jampacked day of running around buying stuff. we were on our way to a craft store but r spotted some 'really cool' mittens at this market so we stopped at the nearest parking lot and got a little ticket from mr parking man and started to head towards the market. suddenly all i saw were pigeons divebombing us to get to the birdseed this psychotic woman was throwing on the ground. these pigeons are huge mother fuckers already, we don't need to feed these fat little bastards, they're HUGE people HUUUGE! i hope the motherfuckers eat so much they explode... anyway..so i'm holding the ticket in my hand, we JUST got to the start of the market..and as one holds something they sometimes hold it out to the side when they turn to look at something.. well, i did that, and one second i was surveying the sight for any possible purchases and another second later there's this odd PLOP! on the ticket in my hand. i was like damnit..water just dripped.. down.. on..... me.... no..NO...NO-NO!, i look at my parking ticket and there's FUCKING PIGEON SHIT ON THE FREAKING TICKET!! AND MY THUMB. AND MY FREAKING THUMB!!!!!!!!! for fuck freaking's sakes people.. WHO does this SHIT happen to!? and it was all greenish yellow and blob-ish so it was definitely SHIT. from a bird. and i start freaking out and yelling a bird just shit on my hand!! and r who was ahead of me was like pffftt.. she's fucking lying, there's NO fucking way a bird could possibly have shit on her hand. she turns around and she's surprised but not too stunned to laugh like a little asshole while i look around frantically for something to cut my hand off. a lot of hysterical yelling about pigeons and poop and how this possibly could have happened ensued (of course, r was doing NOTHING but laughing at me the entire freaking time) oh no, no no no, she couldn't be helpful and NICE..no no no, she just stands there and LAUGHS at me. *scowl* i hope her acid tears burn her eyes out;P -i- had to run inside the market and beg for someone to give me a paper towel..she wasn't even going to give me one, she looked at me with skepticism before slowly meandering herself over to her precious papertowel. i was going to yell and scream about having a pigeon poop emergency if no one was going to give me something to wipe the disgusting crap off my hand. it wasn't even like some of the bird crap i've seen before, at least seagull poop is white with tiny black solid things..this shit was GREENISH YELLOW and looked like wet diahrrea glops..and it dropped from above and exploded like a little bomb on the ticket which in turn splashed onto my hand. so now i had a ticket wrapped on one end in a slightly poopy paper towel...i was holding it out away from me with a straight arm because i wanted to get it as far away from my persons as possible. we walk to the STUPID mittens and they're just a bunch of regular knit mittens..not really my style, they're more granola tree hugger mittens than anything else. thanks r..thanks for getting us stop there to look at a bunch of freaking tree hugger mittens so that pigeons could shit on my hand.
oh, and then we went BACK to mr. parking man and we had to give him back our ticket. he asked me what happened to my ticket - with a really disgusted face. i was like..a pigeon.. pooped on it... heh.... and he looked at me like i had personally stuck it up a dog's diahrretic ass and pulled it back out for him. then these other people came by and one woman thought it was so funny that she told her friend what happened to me.. her friend told me to go buy a lottery ticket. why does everyone tell me to buy a lottery ticket whenever pigeons ruin my life?? seriously... it is NOT natural for pigeons to be having this kind of presence in anyone's life. AND i had to pay the parking even though we were only there for 2 mins, 1 min for the pooping and 1 minute to get the paper freaking towel. they parking guys didn't even keep the ticket! they made me throw it out..so there's no record of me parking there, just a poopy ticket and my empty wallet..and a smug little fucking pigeon.
AHHHHHHHHH!
why?
WHHHHHHYYYY??????
i just....it's just....
i just don't have the words..
oh, and then we went BACK to mr. parking man and we had to give him back our ticket. he asked me what happened to my ticket - with a really disgusted face. i was like..a pigeon.. pooped on it... heh.... and he looked at me like i had personally stuck it up a dog's diahrretic ass and pulled it back out for him. then these other people came by and one woman thought it was so funny that she told her friend what happened to me.. her friend told me to go buy a lottery ticket. why does everyone tell me to buy a lottery ticket whenever pigeons ruin my life?? seriously... it is NOT natural for pigeons to be having this kind of presence in anyone's life. AND i had to pay the parking even though we were only there for 2 mins, 1 min for the pooping and 1 minute to get the paper freaking towel. they parking guys didn't even keep the ticket! they made me throw it out..so there's no record of me parking there, just a poopy ticket and my empty wallet..and a smug little fucking pigeon.
AHHHHHHHHH!
why?
WHHHHHHYYYY??????
i just....it's just....
i just don't have the words..