Should I see someone?
Psychiatrists never worked for me, they were ok I just think the method of me telling them my history and then them bridging current issues with the past and making me cry didn't do it for me. Just made me sadder.
I do think I need some behavior modification. She's come up again and I read on wikihow of all places to stop: http://m.wikihow.com/Forget-a-Person
She changed her number
I don't know where she lives
I deleted her from my friends list
I've been with someone for almost five years
Maybe I loved her. She definitely get under my skin. I just want to let her go in my mind. I know it isn't healthy to fixate. I've done it before with melissa. I checked her brothers online activities to feel closer to her or something. It was creepy and felt like a normal (compulsory) part of my day. Anyway, melissa I never had. I wanted her she even told her friend brea about me (she waved at me once!) but that was that. An invitation to hang out in passing made my week. I "loved" her. I was obsessed. And ironically that's when Ashley came back into the mix.
A year earlier we had fooled around. She was with my friend sol. And I was with echo long distance and Taylor for my in town boyfriend (together four months didn't have sex until years later haha, was I in denial?) anyway Gayla our mutual friend said that I liked her (I thought she was cute but I didn't say anything) Ashley took that cue to come over my apartment and give me weed and Xanax and I'm not clear on what exactly happened but I know we made out and saw each other's boobs haha. She left in the morning and came back the afternoon, didn't say anything about the previous night and then it happened again. Then she didn't speak to me. We had classes and she ignored me. I don't remember clearly I was high for 3 years. I do recall going to her apartment hoping for a repeat, getting rejected and me finishing a bottle of vodka alone, breaking her makeup and vomiting on her shower curtain. This was the first of many personal embarrassments. Another time in San Antonio I slept over and started my period. What a great time to be irregular. *sigh* And that must've been before I saw her kiss some dude on the mouth in front of me while she lied and called me a tutor. I stayed because she begged me. I got head 10 minutes later and she might as well have locked my elbow. My feelings and vagina were senseless. No feeling. So after me telling the dude that she was fucking me, she cussed me out and called me a dyke and maybe said something about my pussy smelling bad. 2 weeks later she missed me. During all through this San Antonio period her asshole friend quentin was staying with her. Talking shit the whole time. That dick even used my phone to call a 900 number. Assholes stick together. Even after Alllll Of this we decided to give t a shot. I mean we had given it bullshit tries before? Together a week and I did what I always did: dated multiple people. She didn't trust me and I didn't her so we just broke up but it wasn't real. We were just fuck buddies who tried to make it something it wasn't.
I don't get me sometimes. Why think of someone who doesn't like you?
I do think I need some behavior modification. She's come up again and I read on wikihow of all places to stop: http://m.wikihow.com/Forget-a-Person
She changed her number
I don't know where she lives
I deleted her from my friends list
I've been with someone for almost five years
Maybe I loved her. She definitely get under my skin. I just want to let her go in my mind. I know it isn't healthy to fixate. I've done it before with melissa. I checked her brothers online activities to feel closer to her or something. It was creepy and felt like a normal (compulsory) part of my day. Anyway, melissa I never had. I wanted her she even told her friend brea about me (she waved at me once!) but that was that. An invitation to hang out in passing made my week. I "loved" her. I was obsessed. And ironically that's when Ashley came back into the mix.
A year earlier we had fooled around. She was with my friend sol. And I was with echo long distance and Taylor for my in town boyfriend (together four months didn't have sex until years later haha, was I in denial?) anyway Gayla our mutual friend said that I liked her (I thought she was cute but I didn't say anything) Ashley took that cue to come over my apartment and give me weed and Xanax and I'm not clear on what exactly happened but I know we made out and saw each other's boobs haha. She left in the morning and came back the afternoon, didn't say anything about the previous night and then it happened again. Then she didn't speak to me. We had classes and she ignored me. I don't remember clearly I was high for 3 years. I do recall going to her apartment hoping for a repeat, getting rejected and me finishing a bottle of vodka alone, breaking her makeup and vomiting on her shower curtain. This was the first of many personal embarrassments. Another time in San Antonio I slept over and started my period. What a great time to be irregular. *sigh* And that must've been before I saw her kiss some dude on the mouth in front of me while she lied and called me a tutor. I stayed because she begged me. I got head 10 minutes later and she might as well have locked my elbow. My feelings and vagina were senseless. No feeling. So after me telling the dude that she was fucking me, she cussed me out and called me a dyke and maybe said something about my pussy smelling bad. 2 weeks later she missed me. During all through this San Antonio period her asshole friend quentin was staying with her. Talking shit the whole time. That dick even used my phone to call a 900 number. Assholes stick together. Even after Alllll Of this we decided to give t a shot. I mean we had given it bullshit tries before? Together a week and I did what I always did: dated multiple people. She didn't trust me and I didn't her so we just broke up but it wasn't real. We were just fuck buddies who tried to make it something it wasn't.
I don't get me sometimes. Why think of someone who doesn't like you?