Theyre just joking
"i have black ppl in my family tree... He's still hanging there"
Uproarious laughter. Im one of 1.5 black people present.
I started crying. For the first time in a long time i got my feelings hurt. I couldnt stay. I shouldve done this or that. But all i did was call my sister and cry... It snuck up on me.
"a black coworker said they do everything better.. Like what? Pick cotton?!"
Wow. I wasnt five feet from this person.
So now im at home and amys back at the party. I pushed her to go back. She should see her friends. She said she left "trying to be a good gf". Ok thats cool.
I want to be alone.
Im mad because i didnt say anything directly just "THATS INAPPROPRIATE" loudly.
I let racist jokes diminish me.
I have a recurring dream that i confront a bully and then back down. I always slap him and then cover my face for a beating im sure is coming.
That dream was realized. I was made small by a couple dicks at a party and Amy's back there.
Im too appropriate. I fucking hate her friends. I shouldve known.
Shes half black so i thought she might be angry... Nothing. She went back to the bullshit. Reluctantly but willingly. Lmao.
Well fuck it. Its over. Let the guilt for not defending myself wash over me. I fucking hate that! Thats just what they want. For me to destroy myself.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.