...Because I Like to Talk About Myself.
I suppose that's to be expected when you visit someone else's journal.
I never did this last year, but I think reflection is an important part of growing and learning.
2011 was a pretty big year for me. I learned a lot, grew a lot. Tested my self-imposed boundaries. Took risks. Succeeded in some areas and failed in others. Lost friends, gained friends. Tore open old wounds and examined big flaws in my personality. Made peace with most of said flaws. Began caring for myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally...
The list is probably longer, but these are the parts that stand out to me.
It might sound crazy, but for the longest time I was afraid to have a pet of my own. I've been pretty emotionally unstable for a good part of my life I was afraid that being prone to fits of anger would make me violent towards something like a pet.
Turns out I was wrong. It took a little, abandoned, black pug (that I named Kuma) to show me that I am capable of affection and of controlling myself.
Who knows? Maybe someday I can move up to an actual significant other.
...Not any time soon though. I still have a lot of messy memories and fears in this odd little brain of mine.
This year has been good for that realization. I never realized how many traumatic experiences I'd been repressing all these years. It took a couple of pretty intense (and kind of frightening) months of digging through newly exposed memories (and fighting the self-loathing and pain attached to them) to make me understand just why I am so afraid of becoming close to people. Now that I know the reasons and the causes, I can begin healing and maybe move on to something bordering healthy in my interpersonal relationships.
I don't think I've told anyone this, but I dealt with suicidal feelings for the first time in almost 10 years again this year. I'm pretty damned proud of myself for facing the feelings head on and not succumbing. I was able to stop myself before I even got so far as fantasizing about it. Much better than when I was 17.
I also worked on advancing my career this year. I applied to work for an anime convention called AM^2 and got a gig working as a spotlight operator for the Main Events portion of the convention. I made some pretty awesome (if very tentative) connections and a couple of new friends. Thanks to that, I'm working as a Tech Liaison for Fanime this May.
Speaking of work, I applied for the position of Manager at my Starbucks last year. I didn't get the job, but I'm proud of myself for trying. It was a pretty ballsy move on my part. Irritatingly enough, the person picked for the job just quit and left us with no manager. I've been told to not bother applying this time because not enough time has elapsed and they still wouldn't pick me. Whatever. If the budget gets approved I will be the Assistant Manager, and if it doesn't get approved, I'll be moving on.
I've learned that sometimes it pays to be daring, and if you don't get what you want there is always something to be learned from the experience of trying.
Something I'm really proud of is how I've taken care of myself physically. I started running in the Spring and I made a lot of progress. Not only did I cut my time to run a mile down from 15 minutes to 11:30, but I lost 30lbs. Yay, I'm no longer considered obese! Now, I'm just overweight...
Not that I put much merit in those stupid BMI indicators. Silly things don't take into account body type or physical factors like breasts.
I do plan on continuing with running. My goal is to run a mile in 10 minutes. I want to increase my lung capacity and get into possibly singing in a more professional capacity. Maybe a studio singer for commercials or background parts or something. I don't know, it's just a thought I have every now and then.
Yeah, that was my year.
I don't have a lot of clear cut goals for this year. Just that I want to keep improving myself and moving forward.
Thanks for reading. I hope 2012 brings us all joy and peace.
I never did this last year, but I think reflection is an important part of growing and learning.
2011 was a pretty big year for me. I learned a lot, grew a lot. Tested my self-imposed boundaries. Took risks. Succeeded in some areas and failed in others. Lost friends, gained friends. Tore open old wounds and examined big flaws in my personality. Made peace with most of said flaws. Began caring for myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally...
The list is probably longer, but these are the parts that stand out to me.
It might sound crazy, but for the longest time I was afraid to have a pet of my own. I've been pretty emotionally unstable for a good part of my life I was afraid that being prone to fits of anger would make me violent towards something like a pet.
Turns out I was wrong. It took a little, abandoned, black pug (that I named Kuma) to show me that I am capable of affection and of controlling myself.
Who knows? Maybe someday I can move up to an actual significant other.
...Not any time soon though. I still have a lot of messy memories and fears in this odd little brain of mine.
This year has been good for that realization. I never realized how many traumatic experiences I'd been repressing all these years. It took a couple of pretty intense (and kind of frightening) months of digging through newly exposed memories (and fighting the self-loathing and pain attached to them) to make me understand just why I am so afraid of becoming close to people. Now that I know the reasons and the causes, I can begin healing and maybe move on to something bordering healthy in my interpersonal relationships.
I don't think I've told anyone this, but I dealt with suicidal feelings for the first time in almost 10 years again this year. I'm pretty damned proud of myself for facing the feelings head on and not succumbing. I was able to stop myself before I even got so far as fantasizing about it. Much better than when I was 17.
I also worked on advancing my career this year. I applied to work for an anime convention called AM^2 and got a gig working as a spotlight operator for the Main Events portion of the convention. I made some pretty awesome (if very tentative) connections and a couple of new friends. Thanks to that, I'm working as a Tech Liaison for Fanime this May.
Speaking of work, I applied for the position of Manager at my Starbucks last year. I didn't get the job, but I'm proud of myself for trying. It was a pretty ballsy move on my part. Irritatingly enough, the person picked for the job just quit and left us with no manager. I've been told to not bother applying this time because not enough time has elapsed and they still wouldn't pick me. Whatever. If the budget gets approved I will be the Assistant Manager, and if it doesn't get approved, I'll be moving on.
I've learned that sometimes it pays to be daring, and if you don't get what you want there is always something to be learned from the experience of trying.
Something I'm really proud of is how I've taken care of myself physically. I started running in the Spring and I made a lot of progress. Not only did I cut my time to run a mile down from 15 minutes to 11:30, but I lost 30lbs. Yay, I'm no longer considered obese! Now, I'm just overweight...
Not that I put much merit in those stupid BMI indicators. Silly things don't take into account body type or physical factors like breasts.
I do plan on continuing with running. My goal is to run a mile in 10 minutes. I want to increase my lung capacity and get into possibly singing in a more professional capacity. Maybe a studio singer for commercials or background parts or something. I don't know, it's just a thought I have every now and then.
Yeah, that was my year.
I don't have a lot of clear cut goals for this year. Just that I want to keep improving myself and moving forward.
Thanks for reading. I hope 2012 brings us all joy and peace.