God, I miss you.
Tonight, I had a long talk with this girl who I've always talked about..to pretty much every person I've met. Always I've wished that we could salvage the relationship we once had, because to me it didn't seem hard, we have talked since it was over and even became great friends after all was said and done. So I find myself even asking the question she was asking me earlier.. " Why didn't anything else happen? Why didn't we try again? "
I honestly wish I knew the answer to those questions. If I remember correctly, I did try to start things again but I tend to never be direct with the girls I like..and it seemed she just didn't catch on to what I'd been hinting the entire time. As time passed I simply accepted that we weren't going to get back together, and if we were it wouldn't be for many years..and so, I gave up on that and decided being friends with her was better than being nothing.
Of course, I've started drinking tonight, thinking about this..it's just like..I've never had a relationship like I had with Katie, ever. I don't understand how everything was so perfect and I just threw it all away. I always felt like..God has been playing a part in the entire relationship between us, it may seem fucked up to say, however, let me explain. I ended up forcing Katie to break up with me, after I ignored her for a long time when I was talking to this other girl..and like, of course I eventually went with this chick who pretty much brainwashed me into believing Katie was a bitch, and so I put Katie down in phone conversations and called her up pretty much being an unbelievable asshole. Anyways, soon enough, things with me and the other girl ended when she ended up leaving me for someone else ( what goes around comes around right? ) and tearing out my heart even worse than what I did to Katie. A friend once told me this was God slapping me in the face and calling me a dumb ass..which it could have been, for leaving something so perfect. Then, when I attempted to return to Katie, no matter how hard I tried it seemed she wouldn't take me back and we never would have what once was. Again, God punishing me for the gift I should never have taken for granted.
Tonight, I received a random instant message from Katie. She asked about if I ever thought of us, and if I ever wondered why nothing else happened, which I have. So I told her, and how that song Konstantine by Something Corporate has always reminded me of her. Of course..God would twist this again on me, Katie finally tells me how she truly feels and she's so far away in Iowa, it just makes me wonder why things tend to never go my way, especially with Katie.
Maybe, something will happen, eventually..like I don't even know..everything is so confusing in my life and now I have this as well to add to the mix. Maybe something will come of this in the future who knows..I just always have wondered why things never seem to work between Katie and me.
I honestly wish I knew the answer to those questions. If I remember correctly, I did try to start things again but I tend to never be direct with the girls I like..and it seemed she just didn't catch on to what I'd been hinting the entire time. As time passed I simply accepted that we weren't going to get back together, and if we were it wouldn't be for many years..and so, I gave up on that and decided being friends with her was better than being nothing.
Of course, I've started drinking tonight, thinking about this..it's just like..I've never had a relationship like I had with Katie, ever. I don't understand how everything was so perfect and I just threw it all away. I always felt like..God has been playing a part in the entire relationship between us, it may seem fucked up to say, however, let me explain. I ended up forcing Katie to break up with me, after I ignored her for a long time when I was talking to this other girl..and like, of course I eventually went with this chick who pretty much brainwashed me into believing Katie was a bitch, and so I put Katie down in phone conversations and called her up pretty much being an unbelievable asshole. Anyways, soon enough, things with me and the other girl ended when she ended up leaving me for someone else ( what goes around comes around right? ) and tearing out my heart even worse than what I did to Katie. A friend once told me this was God slapping me in the face and calling me a dumb ass..which it could have been, for leaving something so perfect. Then, when I attempted to return to Katie, no matter how hard I tried it seemed she wouldn't take me back and we never would have what once was. Again, God punishing me for the gift I should never have taken for granted.
Tonight, I received a random instant message from Katie. She asked about if I ever thought of us, and if I ever wondered why nothing else happened, which I have. So I told her, and how that song Konstantine by Something Corporate has always reminded me of her. Of course..God would twist this again on me, Katie finally tells me how she truly feels and she's so far away in Iowa, it just makes me wonder why things tend to never go my way, especially with Katie.
Maybe, something will happen, eventually..like I don't even know..everything is so confusing in my life and now I have this as well to add to the mix. Maybe something will come of this in the future who knows..I just always have wondered why things never seem to work between Katie and me.