thinking...
Sometimes I don't think people have a good sense of me. Which is probably very true. A lot of times when I'm asked "do you like this or that?" I cannot decide between the two! I love them both. I feel that I am in true form of a Gemini. The duality. But always trying to acheive a balance. Am I good, or am I evil? I am both. "A bringer of evil I am,
And also a carrier of light". Eh, well that's how I see it at times. I also feel that I am missing something....a partner in all this. People always say "don't let a boyfriend define your life" but it's different than that. I am fine with how I am, it just seems the Gemini in me tells me I am missing my twin. Know what I mean? That's a reason I've said if I get married it'd be someone pretty special. I read once that my birthday is reffered to as something like "the day of laughter and sadness" out of any Gemini, we are the ones faced with the challange or light and dark more often. I am really a nice person....I have a lot of love and forgiveness for people, but if you give me reason I will tear you down....be it with words or by my own hand. I was reflecting today on the few times I've been angry enough to raise my voice at people. I think it seems all the worse only because I'm usually pretty quiet. Fuck, sometimes I want to be arrogant....is that bad? Can't we do it sometimes?
I am coming into myself very well right now.....all I need at the moment is a job, and I'm putting in new applications tomorrow. I think once I finally have a job, things will get even better. Looking back, I've dealt with a lot of obstacles in my life. There were people worse off I'm sure....but in most instances, I am surprised and grateful at how my life has turned out so far.....
For awhile I thought something was really wrong with me....and then I had a really strange change of my mindstate, and suddenly I am quite comfortable with myself.
I thought too of the guys I've dated...some would critisize me for forgiving some of them for things that went down, but it's like this, what would be the point in allowing myself to hold on to that? Why waste my time thinking of those things and make myself miserable? I do think about it all sometimes, but in a terribly different light. I'm ok with it. There's no use in holding a grudge. I am friends with most of my exs or have at least made peace with them...and it's cool. There are some though that were just horrible people and would do it again if they had the chance...but still, I've made my peace with that too.
And also a carrier of light". Eh, well that's how I see it at times. I also feel that I am missing something....a partner in all this. People always say "don't let a boyfriend define your life" but it's different than that. I am fine with how I am, it just seems the Gemini in me tells me I am missing my twin. Know what I mean? That's a reason I've said if I get married it'd be someone pretty special. I read once that my birthday is reffered to as something like "the day of laughter and sadness" out of any Gemini, we are the ones faced with the challange or light and dark more often. I am really a nice person....I have a lot of love and forgiveness for people, but if you give me reason I will tear you down....be it with words or by my own hand. I was reflecting today on the few times I've been angry enough to raise my voice at people. I think it seems all the worse only because I'm usually pretty quiet. Fuck, sometimes I want to be arrogant....is that bad? Can't we do it sometimes?
I am coming into myself very well right now.....all I need at the moment is a job, and I'm putting in new applications tomorrow. I think once I finally have a job, things will get even better. Looking back, I've dealt with a lot of obstacles in my life. There were people worse off I'm sure....but in most instances, I am surprised and grateful at how my life has turned out so far.....
For awhile I thought something was really wrong with me....and then I had a really strange change of my mindstate, and suddenly I am quite comfortable with myself.
I thought too of the guys I've dated...some would critisize me for forgiving some of them for things that went down, but it's like this, what would be the point in allowing myself to hold on to that? Why waste my time thinking of those things and make myself miserable? I do think about it all sometimes, but in a terribly different light. I'm ok with it. There's no use in holding a grudge. I am friends with most of my exs or have at least made peace with them...and it's cool. There are some though that were just horrible people and would do it again if they had the chance...but still, I've made my peace with that too.