Drama+angst = EMO
Dear Love,
I'm writing to you in regards of a request to stay the hell away from me. I think you've already done enough damage to my mind and especially my heart. I know I can't blame you but only myself. I made the decision and now I'm thinking I can go back change it. I keep telling myself that I can't, I can't go back to him when I know it's just going to fuck me up and leave me crying.
No one is going to be there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, all I can do is just fix it myself because I know you won't make me any happier.
As much as I want to go back to you I can't. I just can't. Goddamn it I'm just so frustrated, I just want to break down and cry. That's all I can ever do now is just cry. I brought this upon myself and I told you I have to deal with this by myself. I keep telling myself I can get through it so easily...hell, I'm wrong. I can't. I just want to pick up that phone and tell you, "I'm sorry," but you won't accept that because I made the decision! It's over!
I hate you, but then I love you.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so fucking confused I just want to grab a gun and shoot a bullet right through my head. I want to forget you but my heart won't let me forget you, you were my first real boyfriend, you gave me something I've never felt before. Just when I think I'm over you, you come back to my mind and I can't let you go. I'll be damned to hell if we get back together, it'd just be chaos and saddness for us if we do, baby.
You'll just be my puppetmaster, taking a hold of my strings and never will put me down. Fuck, I wish you could just get out of my head.
I broke down and cried today thinking about you; I heard that you told my cousin our relationship was over yet I heard you were telling a lie to him. Damn it, would you really tell a lie? Maybe. But I'd never make any thing up about you. I'm not like that and you damn well know that.
I'm putting this in public to see if you still read this, I've kept everything from you because I didn't want you get mad. But since it's over now I guess I don't have to anymore. I was just afraid of what you would say...but I'm getting some courage to show you how I feel, that I can get over you...just not so easily and quickly as I had hoped.
You've left a scar on my heart and it hurts so much I just want to rip out my heart and smash it on the wall. Damn it, I don't want to cry over you. I don't miss you...yet I still do. I still cry even if I put our stuff away. Pictures, material things--I just wonder how I'll be when I take the ring back...I just pray to God that I won't cry.
I want to move on.
I want to be happy.
You've only done that for a short amount of time...
Until you took control.
And that just broke my heart.
Shit, I hate feeling sorry for myself. Why did I let this happen? Why did I get so serious with you? Why couldn't I just listen to Jordan when he whispered, "Don't get serious with him, don't get serious with him," before I built all of those feelings I had for you. I don't know why I did that. I don't regret you or the memories we had but what made you think you could control me, babe? Never have I once done it to you but you had done it to me. I cried, you felt sorry. When I had done it to you, you put the guilt trip on me and I always...ALWAYS gave in to you!
Can't you understand what I'm trying to say? I want to be my own person, I don't want people to tell me what to do. Not you. No one. I can make the decisions for myself can't I?
I wish you the best, I want you to find happiness and treat women with respect. Find someone who will be worth your time, not me. I want to do other things with different people yet you limited me to do so, now that you're gone I can do whatever the hell I want. I set you free, you set me free.
I feel like I'm making no sense, I'm insane. We just need to move on. I know you have probably but me, I'm trying to find my way out.
Maybe we'll see one another next year...
Good-bye.
- Fallon J. Mail
Note: I'm sorry, I had to let this out, ignore it, pretend it isn't there. This is just another angst/pissed off entry because I was thinking of Brandon today and that I was talking about him to my friend today. Just forget about this entry. Don't comment, don't e-mail. I don't want your smypathy.
I'm writing to you in regards of a request to stay the hell away from me. I think you've already done enough damage to my mind and especially my heart. I know I can't blame you but only myself. I made the decision and now I'm thinking I can go back change it. I keep telling myself that I can't, I can't go back to him when I know it's just going to fuck me up and leave me crying.
No one is going to be there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, all I can do is just fix it myself because I know you won't make me any happier.
As much as I want to go back to you I can't. I just can't. Goddamn it I'm just so frustrated, I just want to break down and cry. That's all I can ever do now is just cry. I brought this upon myself and I told you I have to deal with this by myself. I keep telling myself I can get through it so easily...hell, I'm wrong. I can't. I just want to pick up that phone and tell you, "I'm sorry," but you won't accept that because I made the decision! It's over!
I hate you, but then I love you.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so fucking confused I just want to grab a gun and shoot a bullet right through my head. I want to forget you but my heart won't let me forget you, you were my first real boyfriend, you gave me something I've never felt before. Just when I think I'm over you, you come back to my mind and I can't let you go. I'll be damned to hell if we get back together, it'd just be chaos and saddness for us if we do, baby.
You'll just be my puppetmaster, taking a hold of my strings and never will put me down. Fuck, I wish you could just get out of my head.
I broke down and cried today thinking about you; I heard that you told my cousin our relationship was over yet I heard you were telling a lie to him. Damn it, would you really tell a lie? Maybe. But I'd never make any thing up about you. I'm not like that and you damn well know that.
I'm putting this in public to see if you still read this, I've kept everything from you because I didn't want you get mad. But since it's over now I guess I don't have to anymore. I was just afraid of what you would say...but I'm getting some courage to show you how I feel, that I can get over you...just not so easily and quickly as I had hoped.
You've left a scar on my heart and it hurts so much I just want to rip out my heart and smash it on the wall. Damn it, I don't want to cry over you. I don't miss you...yet I still do. I still cry even if I put our stuff away. Pictures, material things--I just wonder how I'll be when I take the ring back...I just pray to God that I won't cry.
I want to move on.
I want to be happy.
You've only done that for a short amount of time...
Until you took control.
And that just broke my heart.
Shit, I hate feeling sorry for myself. Why did I let this happen? Why did I get so serious with you? Why couldn't I just listen to Jordan when he whispered, "Don't get serious with him, don't get serious with him," before I built all of those feelings I had for you. I don't know why I did that. I don't regret you or the memories we had but what made you think you could control me, babe? Never have I once done it to you but you had done it to me. I cried, you felt sorry. When I had done it to you, you put the guilt trip on me and I always...ALWAYS gave in to you!
Can't you understand what I'm trying to say? I want to be my own person, I don't want people to tell me what to do. Not you. No one. I can make the decisions for myself can't I?
I wish you the best, I want you to find happiness and treat women with respect. Find someone who will be worth your time, not me. I want to do other things with different people yet you limited me to do so, now that you're gone I can do whatever the hell I want. I set you free, you set me free.
I feel like I'm making no sense, I'm insane. We just need to move on. I know you have probably but me, I'm trying to find my way out.
Maybe we'll see one another next year...
Good-bye.
- Fallon J. Mail
Note: I'm sorry, I had to let this out, ignore it, pretend it isn't there. This is just another angst/pissed off entry because I was thinking of Brandon today and that I was talking about him to my friend today. Just forget about this entry. Don't comment, don't e-mail. I don't want your smypathy.