CRACK FIC. #epicnessexists
This cannot go on any fic list ever, it is that cracktastic. I'd like to blame dbskyler for posting such a random drabble generator, Spydurwebb for all things Juno Baker, and brunhilde_1013 for causing things to happen with eggs..
Let's not mention the Twitter God in all of this.
Look! I did two!
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Sleepy Love
Sarah finished packing. Ever since The Doctor, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Sarah had been quirky.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing splurged her, all was rudimentary. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on the moon to become a mind-blowing spearmint gum.
Just then, there was a spiny knock at the door. Sarah opened it and stood there sparingly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her tentacle.
When Sarah came to, The Doctor was holding her third nipple and looking windy. "My love," The Doctor said loudly, "I'm sorry for the precocious shock. I've been shipwrecked on a shiny island for the last ten years, living like a bee trying to climb up over its Juno Baker-esque queen. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my tibia in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sarah could hardly believe her The Doctor had returned. "I will always love you, tibia or no tibia. Besides, you can cover it up with an egg."
They embraced sublimely and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was iridescent.
The Wyrrn Prince
Sarah was walking through a slimy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a handsewn little wyrrn lying under a tree.
Sarah skipped over to see the dear thing and was gooey to find that he was hurt! A gnome had pierced his sweaty little earlobe and he whimpered quietly with the pain.
"My bubbly little friend," Sarah said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the gnome, as efficently as she could. The wyrrn cried out and Sarah's heart ached, like a box of Lucky Charms with absolutely no marshmallows. "You'll be all right," Sarah whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you The Fourth Doctor and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping The Fourth Doctor up in her arms, Sarah carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Sarah nursed The Fourth Doctor, cleaning his earlobe and feeding him Chalk-brand wyrrn chow.
On the eighth night, The Fourth Doctor climbed into bed with Sarah. He burrowed under the covers and mannerly licked Sarah's front tooth. It made Sarah giggle and she cuddled close to The Fourth Doctor, stroking his nostril and singing quickly to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Sarah hurried home so she could curl up with The Fourth Doctor. It gave her a boil-filled feeling whenever The Fourth Doctor licked her front tooth.
Then one night, The Fourth Doctor looked up at Sarah and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a hyperactive prince."
Sarah screamed substantily, she was so surprised. How could a wyrrn talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," The Fourth Doctor said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Sarah said and kissed The Fourth Doctor on his nostril. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a hyperactive prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince The Fourth Doctor," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Sarah said.
"See?" The Fourth Doctor said and showed Sarah the scar from the gnome on his earlobe. Then he kissed Sarah and they tumbled around the corner and did a lot of very enlarged things, some of them involving a pointy grenade.
"I love you," The Fourth Doctor said when they were done. Sarah clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure The Fourth Doctor had stashed away.
And if The Fourth Doctor didn't know about Sarah's visits to the wyrrn sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
--
Let's not mention the Twitter God in all of this.
Look! I did two!
--
Sleepy Love
Sarah finished packing. Ever since The Doctor, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Sarah had been quirky.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing splurged her, all was rudimentary. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on the moon to become a mind-blowing spearmint gum.
Just then, there was a spiny knock at the door. Sarah opened it and stood there sparingly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her tentacle.
When Sarah came to, The Doctor was holding her third nipple and looking windy. "My love," The Doctor said loudly, "I'm sorry for the precocious shock. I've been shipwrecked on a shiny island for the last ten years, living like a bee trying to climb up over its Juno Baker-esque queen. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my tibia in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sarah could hardly believe her The Doctor had returned. "I will always love you, tibia or no tibia. Besides, you can cover it up with an egg."
They embraced sublimely and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was iridescent.
The Wyrrn Prince
Sarah was walking through a slimy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a handsewn little wyrrn lying under a tree.
Sarah skipped over to see the dear thing and was gooey to find that he was hurt! A gnome had pierced his sweaty little earlobe and he whimpered quietly with the pain.
"My bubbly little friend," Sarah said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the gnome, as efficently as she could. The wyrrn cried out and Sarah's heart ached, like a box of Lucky Charms with absolutely no marshmallows. "You'll be all right," Sarah whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you The Fourth Doctor and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping The Fourth Doctor up in her arms, Sarah carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Sarah nursed The Fourth Doctor, cleaning his earlobe and feeding him Chalk-brand wyrrn chow.
On the eighth night, The Fourth Doctor climbed into bed with Sarah. He burrowed under the covers and mannerly licked Sarah's front tooth. It made Sarah giggle and she cuddled close to The Fourth Doctor, stroking his nostril and singing quickly to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Sarah hurried home so she could curl up with The Fourth Doctor. It gave her a boil-filled feeling whenever The Fourth Doctor licked her front tooth.
Then one night, The Fourth Doctor looked up at Sarah and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a hyperactive prince."
Sarah screamed substantily, she was so surprised. How could a wyrrn talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," The Fourth Doctor said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Sarah said and kissed The Fourth Doctor on his nostril. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a hyperactive prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince The Fourth Doctor," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Sarah said.
"See?" The Fourth Doctor said and showed Sarah the scar from the gnome on his earlobe. Then he kissed Sarah and they tumbled around the corner and did a lot of very enlarged things, some of them involving a pointy grenade.
"I love you," The Fourth Doctor said when they were done. Sarah clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure The Fourth Doctor had stashed away.
And if The Fourth Doctor didn't know about Sarah's visits to the wyrrn sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
--