(no subject)
I cant seem to get out of my depression. its really hard to pretend nothing is the matter when there is.. although I dont know what it is.
nothing else going on in my life. I havent done anything neat or interesting... I have decided I am boring. just a boring mom. that is the word that defines me now.. mom... mom... mom...MOM!!!
I was watching the movie go fish last night and I kept telling dan... im supposed to be that girl.. thats supposed to be my life. I dont really know what that means but I still think its true. I guess I feel like my life is not really mine.. like im in someone elses place waiting for them to come back and relieve me of my duties so I can get back to my real life of chasing girls and staying out late and having dinner partys and going to coffee shops and cuddling with my girlfriend in bed before we go to sleep... when did a guy and kids come into that picture??? oh well... I made this life and now I have to deal with it... I wish I wouldent have been so afraid to be who I really am when I was younger.. I guess its not really fair to dan for me to be who I really am now that we are married although this open marriage seems to let me have the freedom to be my real self a little. is there any way to go back in time??? ehhhh. that my only wish. other than writing about this I dont fell like there is anyone I can really talk to about this. noone seems to have the time lately. I dont even have the time to go out and make friends. not that it really matters because im to scared to talk to anyone new.. thank god to fake friendships on the internet...hahahaha!
that is all...
<3 me?
nothing else going on in my life. I havent done anything neat or interesting... I have decided I am boring. just a boring mom. that is the word that defines me now.. mom... mom... mom...MOM!!!
I was watching the movie go fish last night and I kept telling dan... im supposed to be that girl.. thats supposed to be my life. I dont really know what that means but I still think its true. I guess I feel like my life is not really mine.. like im in someone elses place waiting for them to come back and relieve me of my duties so I can get back to my real life of chasing girls and staying out late and having dinner partys and going to coffee shops and cuddling with my girlfriend in bed before we go to sleep... when did a guy and kids come into that picture??? oh well... I made this life and now I have to deal with it... I wish I wouldent have been so afraid to be who I really am when I was younger.. I guess its not really fair to dan for me to be who I really am now that we are married although this open marriage seems to let me have the freedom to be my real self a little. is there any way to go back in time??? ehhhh. that my only wish. other than writing about this I dont fell like there is anyone I can really talk to about this. noone seems to have the time lately. I dont even have the time to go out and make friends. not that it really matters because im to scared to talk to anyone new.. thank god to fake friendships on the internet...hahahaha!
that is all...
<3 me?