crazyness of sanity
i called chanterelle in new york/boston...they havnt called me back....disney said they wanted to have a second interview with me...in happy.
i started the morning class..andvanced backing and pastrys...i hate the class...everyone is 25 or older, ceriouse..and there 19 year old me singing and dacing while i cook....i totally dont fit in... chef ivan when to my high school...graduated in 1994 or something...so were pretty cool...but chef john intimidates me...hes chinese with a thick british axcetnt..its weird..
i met robby this week. hes totally awsome...weve spent alot of time together...hes met my family cuz he came over last nite to watch a movie..i really like him...he really likes me...we went to cayote point beach..sat in the cold..smoked a cigaret and talked for a good 4 hours...we get along so well..were both lebanese..were both into music...hes really great. he left fot L.A today, for 2 weeks or so. he went to visite his family..imma miss him...
latoine (my roomie) and i arnt getting along at all..we argue all the time...were always sarcastic and bitchy towards each other..maybe its just been a long week...i dunno. he wrote me a letter saying that he still wanted to fuck me...it was kinda weird.
this week has been long.. ive had sooooo much on my mind... ive taken walks to My Peir...i went there teusday nite and i remembered being there with julian (my ex.) and david L. it put a smile on my face at first..but that went away real fast...made me just think of how things happed with jules and I... i go there alot no a days... its docile..tranquil..kinda isolated...helpes me think and calm down when latoine or someone really pissed me off.. makes me kinda sad though..makes me think of whats going to happen with all the people i know...how as much as i hate to admit it, were probably gunna loose touch. julez and i dont talk...david is leaving for emerson..we'll probably never see each other after that..jordan and i barely see each other now..nikole moved out and on..kristen(best friend of 5 years) is moving to hawaii...makes me sad to think i might never see her again..
then i think of people like christos, and david c. and peter and josh..and i just think and think and think about soo much stuff that finally i just walk home with my head down, trying to get home as fast as i can. its been feeling l8tly as though im all alone...no one by my side. its weird how i thought moving to the city would make me have more fun..but in reality its kinda changed my life in some good and some bad ways... im more dependant..more sure of myself, more responsible and more confident...but at the same time...ive tried soo many different drugs, ive partied all nite and then went to school..ive been high for days..and drunk...its nice to say that i havnt tried any new drugs in over 3 weeks...i havnt drank in 2 weeks...and i havnt smoked in a week...its good that im finaly getting over that whole phase...but if i lived at home..i would have never done those things...i guess its for the better..helps me learn things about myself and my friends from school.
theres so much on my mind..its hard for my to explain it.. i decided imma write everone i know well a letter...and b4 i leave for my externship...imma mail them the letter...and that letter will come from my heart..and hopefully it'll mean something to them.
this years gone by soo fast...
soo much on my mind!!
" AND WHEN I SEE YOU, I REALLY SEE YOU UPSIDE DOWN, BUT MY BRAIN KNOWS BETTER, LIFTS YOU UP AND TURNS YOU AROUND "
i started the morning class..andvanced backing and pastrys...i hate the class...everyone is 25 or older, ceriouse..and there 19 year old me singing and dacing while i cook....i totally dont fit in... chef ivan when to my high school...graduated in 1994 or something...so were pretty cool...but chef john intimidates me...hes chinese with a thick british axcetnt..its weird..
i met robby this week. hes totally awsome...weve spent alot of time together...hes met my family cuz he came over last nite to watch a movie..i really like him...he really likes me...we went to cayote point beach..sat in the cold..smoked a cigaret and talked for a good 4 hours...we get along so well..were both lebanese..were both into music...hes really great. he left fot L.A today, for 2 weeks or so. he went to visite his family..imma miss him...
latoine (my roomie) and i arnt getting along at all..we argue all the time...were always sarcastic and bitchy towards each other..maybe its just been a long week...i dunno. he wrote me a letter saying that he still wanted to fuck me...it was kinda weird.
this week has been long.. ive had sooooo much on my mind... ive taken walks to My Peir...i went there teusday nite and i remembered being there with julian (my ex.) and david L. it put a smile on my face at first..but that went away real fast...made me just think of how things happed with jules and I... i go there alot no a days... its docile..tranquil..kinda isolated...helpes me think and calm down when latoine or someone really pissed me off.. makes me kinda sad though..makes me think of whats going to happen with all the people i know...how as much as i hate to admit it, were probably gunna loose touch. julez and i dont talk...david is leaving for emerson..we'll probably never see each other after that..jordan and i barely see each other now..nikole moved out and on..kristen(best friend of 5 years) is moving to hawaii...makes me sad to think i might never see her again..
then i think of people like christos, and david c. and peter and josh..and i just think and think and think about soo much stuff that finally i just walk home with my head down, trying to get home as fast as i can. its been feeling l8tly as though im all alone...no one by my side. its weird how i thought moving to the city would make me have more fun..but in reality its kinda changed my life in some good and some bad ways... im more dependant..more sure of myself, more responsible and more confident...but at the same time...ive tried soo many different drugs, ive partied all nite and then went to school..ive been high for days..and drunk...its nice to say that i havnt tried any new drugs in over 3 weeks...i havnt drank in 2 weeks...and i havnt smoked in a week...its good that im finaly getting over that whole phase...but if i lived at home..i would have never done those things...i guess its for the better..helps me learn things about myself and my friends from school.
theres so much on my mind..its hard for my to explain it.. i decided imma write everone i know well a letter...and b4 i leave for my externship...imma mail them the letter...and that letter will come from my heart..and hopefully it'll mean something to them.
this years gone by soo fast...
soo much on my mind!!
" AND WHEN I SEE YOU, I REALLY SEE YOU UPSIDE DOWN, BUT MY BRAIN KNOWS BETTER, LIFTS YOU UP AND TURNS YOU AROUND "