EMILY AND DANA GO ON A WILD RANT, VOLUME TWO - 9/16/04!
emily and dana, reporting live from dana's dorm, shall begin yet another ultimate rant... here are some things that we love/hate/enjoy typing madly about:
1. insane roommates. dana's roommate... shall we describe? think real world. think the quirky, cute blonde girl that all the boys want to hook up with, but couldn't converse with for more than five minutes without realizing that she is completely bonkers. she cries while watching oprah! her best friend is a scary stalker boy with a goatee named rory - but we like to refer to him as ror-ror. her entire side of the room is pink - the clothing hangers match the bedspread, which matches the lamp, which matches the towels, which matches... well, you get the idea.
2. the surrealness of college. hell, even for me it's totally surreal, and i'm just a visitor. what is dana doing in college? i can't handle this.
take two: dana's view: they have foam parties! do you understand?? drunk college kids romping around in a plastic pit filled with foam... let's re-name these gatherings rape parties. also, the passing of time in college is equivalent to summer camp time. it's only been three weeks, but it feels as if it's been three months... yet time flies. don't ask. i think it's because you live with all of your friends and everything is happening all at once, all the time.
3. cherry garcia ice cream: the best rant food there is.
4. crazy friends who you don't want to see anymore after you leave for college. um. yes. trust us on this one.
5. donald trump's comb-over. he has enough money to buy a new head... invest in some new hair, then, donny!
6. awesome new music from your friends! we love trading music!
7. my so-called life. claire danes rules our lives, even though she doesn't really do anything anymore. her fifteen-year-old self was idyllic.
EXAMPLE: "there's something about sunday night that really makes you want to kill yourself." too true.
8. ex-italian supermodels who sing in french named carla bruni.... oh wait, there's only one of her. well, we love her anyway.
BREAK -- this is the "why we miss all of the people who used to hang out but can't be together whenever now and it breaks our poor little hearts" edition!
disclaimer: yes, these are indeed shout-outs, but when do we ever give shout-outs? yeah, that's right, never. and yes, we can get away with this. zing!
9. burns is captain of the universe, and has scary powers beyond what any of us really know. (see: the presidential mun suite. whatwhat?)
10. towey. doesn't everyone just reminisce about her? yeah, we do too.
11. jennie. hands-down, nicest girl in the universe. i mean. how lucky are we to know her?? jennie, where are you??? we love you!!!
12. jeana greco. where does she disappear to for months at a time??! she's amazing, but so hard to pin down, right? 'nuff said.
13. weiiidmaaannnn... the only one who knows what it's like to sell your soul to a crazy literary overlord every monday afternoon, and still love poetry. amazing.
14. kristina effing lucarelli. our one really loud republican friend, and a fellow garden state devotee. what's more grounding than that? and she could make us laugh any day! plus - she goes to the same school as rob and ivan. unreal.
15. rob and ivan. the unbeatable duo... they'll be together 4eva! no, we really miss them. what a strange group we are... we really miss ivan gasping for breath when when he tries to tell stories, and rob telling everyone to fuck off - and getting away with it. plus - their little "what??" look. you know that look. priceless.
16. mitchell... he's like... intensely awesome. good conversationalist. no words for him, but boy, do we miss him.
17. MIKEY! the lesley muffington to dana's muffy leslington. what more could a girl want?
18. richard... the only boy who's ever jumped off a roof with emily. no, that's not a metaphor for anything. we really jumped off a roof on a dock into a lake! plus, he's our favorite alkie.
19. laura p... always there to dance.
20. martin hyphen custard hyman - a jesus nightlight - the perfect mascot for this bizarrely fantastic group of people. can we get an amen?!
21. being able to make a ridiculous list of shout-outs to our crazies.
22. is every boy in college named something to the effect of preston or chase?? just wondering.
23. very serious beer pong rules and regulations. you've got to be kidding us.
24. jello shots... whose idea was that? fun to eat, but veeery difficult to retain one's dignity while doing so. (according to dana, you're not a complete badass until you've scraped alcoholic blue gelatin out of a dixie cup. she only speaks the truth, you know.)
25. gangsta magnetic poetry - a sure way to make friends over sexual innuendos on minifridges.
26. stupid killjoy r.a.s - we will blast ashlee simpson at midnight if we feel the need, dammit!
1. insane roommates. dana's roommate... shall we describe? think real world. think the quirky, cute blonde girl that all the boys want to hook up with, but couldn't converse with for more than five minutes without realizing that she is completely bonkers. she cries while watching oprah! her best friend is a scary stalker boy with a goatee named rory - but we like to refer to him as ror-ror. her entire side of the room is pink - the clothing hangers match the bedspread, which matches the lamp, which matches the towels, which matches... well, you get the idea.
2. the surrealness of college. hell, even for me it's totally surreal, and i'm just a visitor. what is dana doing in college? i can't handle this.
take two: dana's view: they have foam parties! do you understand?? drunk college kids romping around in a plastic pit filled with foam... let's re-name these gatherings rape parties. also, the passing of time in college is equivalent to summer camp time. it's only been three weeks, but it feels as if it's been three months... yet time flies. don't ask. i think it's because you live with all of your friends and everything is happening all at once, all the time.
3. cherry garcia ice cream: the best rant food there is.
4. crazy friends who you don't want to see anymore after you leave for college. um. yes. trust us on this one.
5. donald trump's comb-over. he has enough money to buy a new head... invest in some new hair, then, donny!
6. awesome new music from your friends! we love trading music!
7. my so-called life. claire danes rules our lives, even though she doesn't really do anything anymore. her fifteen-year-old self was idyllic.
EXAMPLE: "there's something about sunday night that really makes you want to kill yourself." too true.
8. ex-italian supermodels who sing in french named carla bruni.... oh wait, there's only one of her. well, we love her anyway.
BREAK -- this is the "why we miss all of the people who used to hang out but can't be together whenever now and it breaks our poor little hearts" edition!
disclaimer: yes, these are indeed shout-outs, but when do we ever give shout-outs? yeah, that's right, never. and yes, we can get away with this. zing!
9. burns is captain of the universe, and has scary powers beyond what any of us really know. (see: the presidential mun suite. whatwhat?)
10. towey. doesn't everyone just reminisce about her? yeah, we do too.
11. jennie. hands-down, nicest girl in the universe. i mean. how lucky are we to know her?? jennie, where are you??? we love you!!!
12. jeana greco. where does she disappear to for months at a time??! she's amazing, but so hard to pin down, right? 'nuff said.
13. weiiidmaaannnn... the only one who knows what it's like to sell your soul to a crazy literary overlord every monday afternoon, and still love poetry. amazing.
14. kristina effing lucarelli. our one really loud republican friend, and a fellow garden state devotee. what's more grounding than that? and she could make us laugh any day! plus - she goes to the same school as rob and ivan. unreal.
15. rob and ivan. the unbeatable duo... they'll be together 4eva! no, we really miss them. what a strange group we are... we really miss ivan gasping for breath when when he tries to tell stories, and rob telling everyone to fuck off - and getting away with it. plus - their little "what??" look. you know that look. priceless.
16. mitchell... he's like... intensely awesome. good conversationalist. no words for him, but boy, do we miss him.
17. MIKEY! the lesley muffington to dana's muffy leslington. what more could a girl want?
18. richard... the only boy who's ever jumped off a roof with emily. no, that's not a metaphor for anything. we really jumped off a roof on a dock into a lake! plus, he's our favorite alkie.
19. laura p... always there to dance.
20. martin hyphen custard hyman - a jesus nightlight - the perfect mascot for this bizarrely fantastic group of people. can we get an amen?!
21. being able to make a ridiculous list of shout-outs to our crazies.
22. is every boy in college named something to the effect of preston or chase?? just wondering.
23. very serious beer pong rules and regulations. you've got to be kidding us.
24. jello shots... whose idea was that? fun to eat, but veeery difficult to retain one's dignity while doing so. (according to dana, you're not a complete badass until you've scraped alcoholic blue gelatin out of a dixie cup. she only speaks the truth, you know.)
25. gangsta magnetic poetry - a sure way to make friends over sexual innuendos on minifridges.
26. stupid killjoy r.a.s - we will blast ashlee simpson at midnight if we feel the need, dammit!