heart tremors
heart tremors
yoona/yoochun
rated pg
i'm trying to get back into writing. but it seems like i have gotten rusty.
but oh well, we all have to start somewhere, right? :\
Yoona knew she wasn't the best singer. Her voice could never be as smooth, flawless, and melodic like Taeyeon's. She couldn't hit those high notes like Jessica. Her voice would never be as powerful as Tiffany's, and her range could never be as wide as Sunny's. This much she knew... but it had never stopped her from wanting to pursue her dream as a singer.
So she sings, and she just continues singing. In her dorm, in the car, and heck, even when she's showering... but it seems that whenever the showcases for the SM trainees roll around, she couldn't never manage to hit that high note, or even croon that solo better than the other girls. Instead, she disappoints herself with her performance and then dances her way back into her position in the dance formation.
Maybe what some of other trainees said were true... that she would have never made it into SM Academy if it weren't for her looks. Maybe that was what she would always be... just a pretty face, never the pretty voice.
So when the new trainee, Park Yoochun came up to her and handed her a music sheet, she was dumbfounded.
"Yoochun-sshi..." She started. She looked up at him, her doe eyes wide.
"Yoona-sshi," Yoochun started with a polite dimpled smile, "This is a song that I had recently composed. I have yet to finish the lyrics, but can you sing a part of it for me so I can test it out?"
"But..." She looked down at the music sheet in her hands and she realized that she was trembling. She look up, back at Yoochun. Her eyes were clouded with hesitation. "Are you sure you want me to-- I mean, everyone says I shouldn't--I'm not a good fit to be a singer. They said I have a nice S-line, I should be a dancer. I can even act, but singing--"
"I'm sure, Yoona-sshi." Yoochun said, cutting her off. "I've heard you sing before at the showcases, I really like your voice. It's really soft and smooth."
Yoona could only cringe as she remembered the last showcase. She had only barely manage to hit that note. She wonders if this Park Yoochun was lying to her. She even wondered, secretly, if there was a catch.
"I'm not lying," Yoochun added, as if reading her mind. "Please, keep it and take a good look over it. I'll be back for vocal and dance lessons in three days. I'd be waiting to hear your take on my piece. Thank you so much, Yoona-sshi!" And with a quick, polite bow, Yoochun quickly grabbed his book bag and was out of the room before she had a chance to say otherwise.
-----
Dalkomhan “Saranghae” giboon joheun “saranghae” hanmadi!~
"You looked so happy out there, but you didn't even get to sing more than a line or two."
Yoona jumped and she turned around, only to come face to face with none other than Park Yoochun himself. He looked as flawless as ever in the dimly lit backstage light. He, like her, was still in his stage clothes, but unlike her, who had just performed, he didn't have a thin layer of sweat coating him. She suddenly felt ashamed and embarrassed to be dressed like a 5 year old and holding a lollipop, but then again, it was their concept, there was nothing she could do. But being around Park Yoochun always made her self-conscious. Almost as self conscious as performing in front of an audience in a foreign country for the first time at Hollywood Bowl.
"Is this what you wanted?"
If she was the same girl 5 years ago, she would have cried and shook her head, no. This was not what she wanted. She wanted to be singing more than 2 lines. She wanted to be the one singing the adlibs. She wanted so much more than this.
But now, she wasn't the naive girl she was 5 years ago, in 2003 when she met Yoochun. Instead, she was now YoonA, the "face" of Girls' Generation. But then again, Yoochun wasn't the same Yoochun she'd known 5 years ago. He was now Micky Yoochun of Dong Bang Shin Ki. So much has changed, but then again, that's how it was in this industry.
"It's fine," Yoona insisted and turned away. She didn't want him to see her reaction; she was always too candid with her emotions. She didn't want him to know how much those truthful words cut her. "I was never a good singer. I'm fine with just being a little bit of everything--dancing, singing, acting. It's the best of both worlds."
But it isn't. She never liked her position. She never liked being the "face." It was too much fake smiles, too many close-ups, too many... everything. But then, there is never "too many" in being an idol. There's never "too many" news, "too many" fans, and nor was there ever "too much" money...
In the end, not everything is about singing. There is much more at stake than trying to belt the right notes out. There's too much politics and social workings involved.
"But Yoona--what about all the hours we've spent working on your vocals? Those vocal lessons of ours on top of all the 'official' vocal lessons, dance lessons, acting lessons. Fake variety show programs..." Yoochun wanted to shake her awake. She didn't deserve this. She gave her all and more. She wanted to be a singer--lead vocal, even. She never wanted one or two lines out of a whole song.
"Supporting vocals is fine too, Yoochun oppa." Yoona said. "As long as I get to sing."
Technically, she wasn't lying. Only partially.
This has become much more than what she wanted. This dream that she shared has now been enlarged nine time. It isn't nine separate dreams, but one dream shared by all nine of them now-- So Nyuh Shi Dae. She would do whatever it takes, sacrifice whatever she needs to--just to preserve this dream of 9.
But her words never convinced Yoochun, and those words...they neither eased Yoochun's heart nor prevent it from breaking when Yoochun listened to So Nyuh Shi Dae's second album "Oh!" and in Star Star Star, Yoona had only a narration and not even one line to sing.
If his heart aches like this for her, Yoochun wonders if Yoona will ever be able to stop those tremors in her heart.
yoona/yoochun
rated pg
i'm trying to get back into writing. but it seems like i have gotten rusty.
but oh well, we all have to start somewhere, right? :\
Yoona knew she wasn't the best singer. Her voice could never be as smooth, flawless, and melodic like Taeyeon's. She couldn't hit those high notes like Jessica. Her voice would never be as powerful as Tiffany's, and her range could never be as wide as Sunny's. This much she knew... but it had never stopped her from wanting to pursue her dream as a singer.
So she sings, and she just continues singing. In her dorm, in the car, and heck, even when she's showering... but it seems that whenever the showcases for the SM trainees roll around, she couldn't never manage to hit that high note, or even croon that solo better than the other girls. Instead, she disappoints herself with her performance and then dances her way back into her position in the dance formation.
Maybe what some of other trainees said were true... that she would have never made it into SM Academy if it weren't for her looks. Maybe that was what she would always be... just a pretty face, never the pretty voice.
So when the new trainee, Park Yoochun came up to her and handed her a music sheet, she was dumbfounded.
"Yoochun-sshi..." She started. She looked up at him, her doe eyes wide.
"Yoona-sshi," Yoochun started with a polite dimpled smile, "This is a song that I had recently composed. I have yet to finish the lyrics, but can you sing a part of it for me so I can test it out?"
"But..." She looked down at the music sheet in her hands and she realized that she was trembling. She look up, back at Yoochun. Her eyes were clouded with hesitation. "Are you sure you want me to-- I mean, everyone says I shouldn't--I'm not a good fit to be a singer. They said I have a nice S-line, I should be a dancer. I can even act, but singing--"
"I'm sure, Yoona-sshi." Yoochun said, cutting her off. "I've heard you sing before at the showcases, I really like your voice. It's really soft and smooth."
Yoona could only cringe as she remembered the last showcase. She had only barely manage to hit that note. She wonders if this Park Yoochun was lying to her. She even wondered, secretly, if there was a catch.
"I'm not lying," Yoochun added, as if reading her mind. "Please, keep it and take a good look over it. I'll be back for vocal and dance lessons in three days. I'd be waiting to hear your take on my piece. Thank you so much, Yoona-sshi!" And with a quick, polite bow, Yoochun quickly grabbed his book bag and was out of the room before she had a chance to say otherwise.
-----
Dalkomhan “Saranghae” giboon joheun “saranghae” hanmadi!~
"You looked so happy out there, but you didn't even get to sing more than a line or two."
Yoona jumped and she turned around, only to come face to face with none other than Park Yoochun himself. He looked as flawless as ever in the dimly lit backstage light. He, like her, was still in his stage clothes, but unlike her, who had just performed, he didn't have a thin layer of sweat coating him. She suddenly felt ashamed and embarrassed to be dressed like a 5 year old and holding a lollipop, but then again, it was their concept, there was nothing she could do. But being around Park Yoochun always made her self-conscious. Almost as self conscious as performing in front of an audience in a foreign country for the first time at Hollywood Bowl.
"Is this what you wanted?"
If she was the same girl 5 years ago, she would have cried and shook her head, no. This was not what she wanted. She wanted to be singing more than 2 lines. She wanted to be the one singing the adlibs. She wanted so much more than this.
But now, she wasn't the naive girl she was 5 years ago, in 2003 when she met Yoochun. Instead, she was now YoonA, the "face" of Girls' Generation. But then again, Yoochun wasn't the same Yoochun she'd known 5 years ago. He was now Micky Yoochun of Dong Bang Shin Ki. So much has changed, but then again, that's how it was in this industry.
"It's fine," Yoona insisted and turned away. She didn't want him to see her reaction; she was always too candid with her emotions. She didn't want him to know how much those truthful words cut her. "I was never a good singer. I'm fine with just being a little bit of everything--dancing, singing, acting. It's the best of both worlds."
But it isn't. She never liked her position. She never liked being the "face." It was too much fake smiles, too many close-ups, too many... everything. But then, there is never "too many" in being an idol. There's never "too many" news, "too many" fans, and nor was there ever "too much" money...
In the end, not everything is about singing. There is much more at stake than trying to belt the right notes out. There's too much politics and social workings involved.
"But Yoona--what about all the hours we've spent working on your vocals? Those vocal lessons of ours on top of all the 'official' vocal lessons, dance lessons, acting lessons. Fake variety show programs..." Yoochun wanted to shake her awake. She didn't deserve this. She gave her all and more. She wanted to be a singer--lead vocal, even. She never wanted one or two lines out of a whole song.
"Supporting vocals is fine too, Yoochun oppa." Yoona said. "As long as I get to sing."
Technically, she wasn't lying. Only partially.
This has become much more than what she wanted. This dream that she shared has now been enlarged nine time. It isn't nine separate dreams, but one dream shared by all nine of them now-- So Nyuh Shi Dae. She would do whatever it takes, sacrifice whatever she needs to--just to preserve this dream of 9.
But her words never convinced Yoochun, and those words...they neither eased Yoochun's heart nor prevent it from breaking when Yoochun listened to So Nyuh Shi Dae's second album "Oh!" and in Star Star Star, Yoona had only a narration and not even one line to sing.
If his heart aches like this for her, Yoochun wonders if Yoona will ever be able to stop those tremors in her heart.