(no subject)
I'm single again, or i always was really...
i think i need to stop looking, because all i find are the ideas of liking someone, not really liking them. it's shitty. Whenever i go out i look for people to like, and have these fantastical thoughts about them, insane!
so i'm thinking of not going out in edinburgh for a while till i figure out myself. i have to go out for me, and dance for me, and stop looking. if there was a blackboard here i would write it a hundred times.
i must stop looking i must stop looking i must stop looking. i must stop looking.
there is a large part of me that believes i still am not good enough for anyone. i'm still figuring out how to be me... and i know if i focus on this one part of my life i can get it sorted, and i can just be normal size me.
kay, that was a lot of shite in my head, and now i feel marginally better...
other stuff.
I love love love love love love heroes, it is my new obsession, cannot wait to see what happens next...it just sucks because i am watching it in the uk and it is in season 2 back home... and grey'a and practice are starting up this week! god, all my favorite shows....mmmmm mindless tv.
I am reading this book on courteseans, it is amazingly interesting, and i have discovered the editors are freaking awesome. quite like the new foo fighter and omg, we went to see alvin ailey dance theatre. incredible. they had this set of dances set to duke ellington music, i must get some.
and besides the fact i feel i will beliving frugally the rest of this year and money is aconstant stress because i can't manage mine, everything will be fine once i go home.
I am running away from all the problems here where hopefully my mm and dad will take care of me for 2 weeks...i don't want to think about anything, do anything, just be and see home. i want it to feel like fall and the leaves be falling and have apple pie.
i'm a tad sad because there is so much more i want to write, but it will have to wait for when i am not so tired.
i think i need to stop looking, because all i find are the ideas of liking someone, not really liking them. it's shitty. Whenever i go out i look for people to like, and have these fantastical thoughts about them, insane!
so i'm thinking of not going out in edinburgh for a while till i figure out myself. i have to go out for me, and dance for me, and stop looking. if there was a blackboard here i would write it a hundred times.
i must stop looking i must stop looking i must stop looking. i must stop looking.
there is a large part of me that believes i still am not good enough for anyone. i'm still figuring out how to be me... and i know if i focus on this one part of my life i can get it sorted, and i can just be normal size me.
kay, that was a lot of shite in my head, and now i feel marginally better...
other stuff.
I love love love love love love heroes, it is my new obsession, cannot wait to see what happens next...it just sucks because i am watching it in the uk and it is in season 2 back home... and grey'a and practice are starting up this week! god, all my favorite shows....mmmmm mindless tv.
I am reading this book on courteseans, it is amazingly interesting, and i have discovered the editors are freaking awesome. quite like the new foo fighter and omg, we went to see alvin ailey dance theatre. incredible. they had this set of dances set to duke ellington music, i must get some.
and besides the fact i feel i will beliving frugally the rest of this year and money is aconstant stress because i can't manage mine, everything will be fine once i go home.
I am running away from all the problems here where hopefully my mm and dad will take care of me for 2 weeks...i don't want to think about anything, do anything, just be and see home. i want it to feel like fall and the leaves be falling and have apple pie.
i'm a tad sad because there is so much more i want to write, but it will have to wait for when i am not so tired.