massive life update
so there's a lot going on in my head..... i mean, there always is but it seems to have gotten on top of me. again. and it's affecting my physical self, so it needs to be sorted out.
1. online dating has been fun, and i met 6 guys... 4 duds, and 2 potentials. i saw j for 7 weeks and then broke it off yesterday. he wasn't the guy for me, and it's better to be than with someone i'm not attracted to.
texting the othet guy now, but nothiong has happened for 2 weeks..... i'm just gonna wait and see. not fussed, would rather concentrate on getting next year's plan sorted (that is stressing me out, the life plan or really lack there of.) and get back on track with my weight as i've put on 7 pounds.... the realief at looking great for going home and getting my personal best time in the half marathon has left me feeling a little directionless. i worked so hard from may to august that i got lazy, complacent. I liked being the size and weight i got to at the end of july..... so if i can get back there and stick, that's it. but it's not going to make me happy. i had a guy who liked me. that didn't make me happy. so what is making me unhappy???? that is a bit more complicated......
i am bored.
bored at work
bored with my life.
worried that i will end up like s's boyfriend s and be a lump of nothing. other people's lives are moving on. g moved to hong kong, s graduated from grad schhol, j and z are traveling and living on the other side of thee world. so what am i doing? i answer the questions people ask with my standard 'i'm going back to uni next year, or working or going part time to uni. well i need to actually apply. and the reality is that i will have to go home to pay for it. university. well, home to america. it's a big country and i proved to myself this summer that i can go home and maintain my lefestyle. i can do it at home too. and s is really happy with her boyfriend, next year they will probably go to uni together. and i will still be here. i might not be alone, but i can't wait for a guy to sweep me off my feet over here. i need to move on, and stop being the fat girl who is frozen with a complete lack of confidence. i am not fat anymore. i have confidence, more now than i have had in years.
i need to start moving forward with my life again. i have huge debts that won't be paid off by my spending habits. so i will cut back. adults take responsibility for their actions. i overspent tghis summer and the result is less money now. i can do it. and i can continue to work on my life, without making it a big deal. the face i put on to the world must be one of control, no one wants to see you drowning.
Off to clean up my room and clean out my clothes. then to the gym and then baking with Stef. :) today is a new day.
to sorting out my life. :)
1. online dating has been fun, and i met 6 guys... 4 duds, and 2 potentials. i saw j for 7 weeks and then broke it off yesterday. he wasn't the guy for me, and it's better to be than with someone i'm not attracted to.
texting the othet guy now, but nothiong has happened for 2 weeks..... i'm just gonna wait and see. not fussed, would rather concentrate on getting next year's plan sorted (that is stressing me out, the life plan or really lack there of.) and get back on track with my weight as i've put on 7 pounds.... the realief at looking great for going home and getting my personal best time in the half marathon has left me feeling a little directionless. i worked so hard from may to august that i got lazy, complacent. I liked being the size and weight i got to at the end of july..... so if i can get back there and stick, that's it. but it's not going to make me happy. i had a guy who liked me. that didn't make me happy. so what is making me unhappy???? that is a bit more complicated......
i am bored.
bored at work
bored with my life.
worried that i will end up like s's boyfriend s and be a lump of nothing. other people's lives are moving on. g moved to hong kong, s graduated from grad schhol, j and z are traveling and living on the other side of thee world. so what am i doing? i answer the questions people ask with my standard 'i'm going back to uni next year, or working or going part time to uni. well i need to actually apply. and the reality is that i will have to go home to pay for it. university. well, home to america. it's a big country and i proved to myself this summer that i can go home and maintain my lefestyle. i can do it at home too. and s is really happy with her boyfriend, next year they will probably go to uni together. and i will still be here. i might not be alone, but i can't wait for a guy to sweep me off my feet over here. i need to move on, and stop being the fat girl who is frozen with a complete lack of confidence. i am not fat anymore. i have confidence, more now than i have had in years.
i need to start moving forward with my life again. i have huge debts that won't be paid off by my spending habits. so i will cut back. adults take responsibility for their actions. i overspent tghis summer and the result is less money now. i can do it. and i can continue to work on my life, without making it a big deal. the face i put on to the world must be one of control, no one wants to see you drowning.
Off to clean up my room and clean out my clothes. then to the gym and then baking with Stef. :) today is a new day.
to sorting out my life. :)