fastfic - ala carte, collisions
It's harder to go after he's gone. Every time she goes in anywhere that was theirs, it goes stranger, perhaps a bit more wrong. Something does not let his passing lie. Every step now unstable, whirling a little bit faster past her. Like a unbalanced record player, ever since she took him in to be changed out for new, to make space.
She understands that everything is still important; everything that once was theirs is hers; all their shared goals still attainable by ancient routes and ways. But she can't hold it together properly now, there's something in the way it's shaped. It won't stick up right when set down either, all angles poking into so many places. Holding it is hard, harder then anything she's ever tried before. She bleeds, grasping at the edges of everything and into the nothing that surrounds it, the sum of everything they shared.
She's changing into people she isn't supposed to be, because that's all she can do, really. Have to be something not so that she can not be, waiting for a new thing to change her world into something she can actually live in.
...bleh. s'not hanging together right. Geh. Was hit by the first and last paragraph last night.
She understands that everything is still important; everything that once was theirs is hers; all their shared goals still attainable by ancient routes and ways. But she can't hold it together properly now, there's something in the way it's shaped. It won't stick up right when set down either, all angles poking into so many places. Holding it is hard, harder then anything she's ever tried before. She bleeds, grasping at the edges of everything and into the nothing that surrounds it, the sum of everything they shared.
She's changing into people she isn't supposed to be, because that's all she can do, really. Have to be something not so that she can not be, waiting for a new thing to change her world into something she can actually live in.
...bleh. s'not hanging together right. Geh. Was hit by the first and last paragraph last night.