free write...
Winter came into the deepest of all slumbers that night. As the rain taintedly trickled down my backside, I started to consider all the dilemmas that seemed to be chasing me around. I came into an abrupt hesitation. ‘Fuck it,’ I said. ‘Fuck them all.’ At that moment it was predetermined for me that I didn’t need any of it anymore. No more dealing with others, and their unconsoling problems. It was about time that I dealt with my very own. I’ve never been very open or expressed the emphasis of my own problems, maybe because all my life I’ve kept dwelling in the depths of my dark and desolate past. My body was an unstable emotional rollercoaster. Everyday the façade of my smile and the sarcasm in my tone was something that every fish bit on, even the big ones.
I continued on my journey home, through the rain, trampling through the undaunting puddles. The wetness of my socks started to send a shiver up my calf, a numbness into my legs. I still didn’t give a fuck. The least of my strains were that of my physicality. The most, mentality. I think too much. I hate this, and I hate everything around. So there I reached for my swiss army knife. It wasn’t much, but the thuoght of a swift stab into the heart sounded like the perfect medication. Again, I hesitated. Thoughts purged into and out of my mind instantaneously. I thought of my loved ones, the ones that kept my memories of life something -- worthwhile. I thought about how sad they would be if I weren’t here anymore. I wouldn’t be able to bear the suffering of others because of my actions. Damnit… again I’m thinking of others. I can’t escape the flaws of my personality. Wholy shit my boss said I could leave, pz!
I continued on my journey home, through the rain, trampling through the undaunting puddles. The wetness of my socks started to send a shiver up my calf, a numbness into my legs. I still didn’t give a fuck. The least of my strains were that of my physicality. The most, mentality. I think too much. I hate this, and I hate everything around. So there I reached for my swiss army knife. It wasn’t much, but the thuoght of a swift stab into the heart sounded like the perfect medication. Again, I hesitated. Thoughts purged into and out of my mind instantaneously. I thought of my loved ones, the ones that kept my memories of life something -- worthwhile. I thought about how sad they would be if I weren’t here anymore. I wouldn’t be able to bear the suffering of others because of my actions. Damnit… again I’m thinking of others. I can’t escape the flaws of my personality. Wholy shit my boss said I could leave, pz!