Fic: A Wish and Two Surprises
A Remus/Sirius fic in which Remus wishes for a normal birthday. (Harry Potter; Pre-Azkaban; PG-13)
A birthday fic for faiths_fire
Title:A Wish and Two Surprises
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,018
Disclaimer: JK Rowling created them.
Summary: Remus Lupin simply wants a birthday like any other.
A/N: A birthday fic for faiths_fire because she is a cool friend.
March 10, 1981
Remus Lupin stared down at the ground as he walked, his hands in the pockets of his dark green pea coat, protecting them from a post-winter chill on this March evening. Neither he nor his companion had uttered a single word as they walked side-by-side toward their destination.
Remus wasn’t surprised by the silence that now seemed to have followed him from earlier that day. Lately, almost every day of Remus Lupin’s life was permeated with a quiet that should have been peaceful and soothing but instead was anything but. Still, he had hoped that today of all days would be different, and filled with the liveliness and noise that he so dearly missed. He had good reason to hope, after all. Today was his 21st birthday; and even though things hadn’t been normal in quite a while, Remus secretly wished that birthdays-his, at least-would be just like all other birthdays.
Unfortunately, he quickly discovered that birthdays were not immune to the chaotic mess that had plagued his world recently, and he realized his wish was not to be. The first sign that this day was not going to be a happy one came early in the morning when Remus woke and turned to his left to look at Sirius Black’s sleeping form, as he did every morning (when he woke first, that is) for the past two years that they’d been living together. Sirius’s back was to him but Remus had long ago memorized Sirius’s face as he slept. Remus smiled and waited for Sirius to wake. Since Sirius always had a nice surprise for Remus on birthday mornings, Remus’s body filled with anticipation. He momentarily tried to forget the tension and distance that had infiltrated their relationship lately. It was true that they didn’t have as much to talk about as they did a year ago, that they spent more time at work than at home, that they didn’t joke or laugh as much as they once had, that they hadn’t had sex in two whole weeks, and that each now had secrets that he had no desire to share with the other. Well, no, that last part wasn’t absolutely true. Remus had caught Sirius several times looking at him with his mouth open as if he wanted to tell Remus something important. But whenever Remus stared expectantly, Sirius would close his mouth and pick up the newspaper, or stab at his food on the plate, or simply leave the room. Remus too wanted to talk to Sirius about the war, the whispers, the plans, but he, like all the others, had been warned not to say too much and never to talk about the secret Order duties.
Still, as this wasn’t just another day, Remus’s mind chose not to dwell on the present and instead focus on the near, maybe promising future. Sirius stirred, and as he turned his body, Remus looked away to the window and pretended to have just awakened himself. He tried to slow his breathing (which had increased rapidly as he’d imagined the possibilities of the day) and waited. He heard Sirius yawn and saw him lie on his back out of the corner of his eye. After a few seconds of silence, he blinked his eyes several times to make sure Sirius knew he was awake. When still nothing happened, Remus exhaled heavily.
“Happy birthday, Remus.”
Remus turned to face Sirius. “Oh, thanks.” He stared at Sirius, whose face showed no emotion but who stared back at him nonetheless. Finally, Sirius looked away and sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly. He stood and walked to the door, pausing before he exited. He turned back to look at Remus. “You’re not going in today?”
Remus, trying to hide his irritation and disappointment, shook his head as he lifted himself on his elbows. “I got the day the off. I told you last night, remember?”
Sirius nodded as he looked at the space above the bed’s headboard. “That’s nice of them. Well, enjoy your day.” He left the room.
Remus fell back as his face flushed with anger. He couldn’t believe it. Even though he’d told himself not to expect a morning shag (as was their custom on every birthday), Remus had hoped for at least a kiss-a real kiss and not the perfunctory kind that Remus had given Sirius two days ago before they both left for work. It was strange, Remus had realized, that after almost four years of kissing every day (save a few days here and there when they’d had a row), they now only kissed every other day. Of course, Remus accepted this as just another of the many strange things that occurred since the War began and didn’t dwell on it. This morning, however, he had been looking forward to it-that, or some kind of touch or friendly word from Sirius. As he heard the water run in the shower, Remus tried calming down. He really wanted to remain optimistic.
After his own shower, Remus walked into the kitchen and saw Sirius eating toast while reading the Daily Prophet. He looked at the space across from Sirius’s at the table and noticed that there was no plate and certainly no toast for him. There was no birthday cake, either. Remus bit his lip and sat down at the table. He sighed loudly as he tapped his fingers on the table and stared at Sirius. Sirius, who’d gotten very good at pretending to read the paper lately, did not look up. Only when Remus cleared his throat did Sirius finally look at him. They gazed into each other’s eyes for five seconds before Sirius stood.
“I have to go.” He carried his plate to the sink.
Remus shut his eyes.
“Oh, here you go.”
Remus’s eyes flew open. Instead of a birthday gift, though, Sirius held a piece of parchment in front of him. “James sent it. We’re having a meeting tonight.”
Remus took the paper. “Tonight? But we just met last night.”
Sirius shrugged as he fixed his shirt collar. “Something must’ve come up.”
Remus nodded. The Order of the Phoenix had never had back-to-back meetings since he and Sirius joined, so he had to agree with Sirius that something critical must have happened. He only hoped they weren’t all getting bad news on his birthday.
“I’ll come by, then, and we can go together. All right?” asked Sirius as he stood beside Remus.
Remus nodded. Sirius suddenly reached out and squeezed Remus’s shoulder. “Don’t think about it, Remus; it might not be so bad.” He patted Remus’s back. “Enjoy your day.” Remus let his head fall on the table as he heard the front door close.
“Is something wrong?”
Remus shook his head without looking over at Sirius. “No.” He didn’t want to talk now as they walked to the Order meeting. He certainly did not want to tell Sirius about how wrong everything had been that day. He didn’t want to tell Sirius how he’d glanced at the window every hour hoping for an owl message from him, or how he’d searched the entire flat looking for a hidden gift, or how he’d reluctantly accepted his parents’ invite for lunch at their house because he thought Sirius might show up at the flat in the middle of the day as a birthday surprise.
“Remus?” Sirius inched closer to Remus, and Remus increased his pace. Sirius caught up to him. “Listen, I know it’s your birthday, and you’d rather be somewhere else tonight and-”
“Do you?” yelled Remus as he stopped and looked at Sirius.
“What?”
Remus placed his hands on his hips. “Do you know it’s my birthday?”
“Of course I know. I wished you a happy birthday, didn’t I?”
“Yes, and?”
Sirius opened his mouth but said nothing.
“Spit it out, Sirius.”
Sirius glanced around the nearly empty street and then leaned closer to Remus. “Remus, I-”
Remus backed up and resumed walking. “We’ll talk about it later, okay?” He walked quickly and didn’t notice Sirius-who’d wisely stayed a few steps behind Remus-until they reached Headquarters, an abandoned tenement building that once belonged to Marlene McKinnon’s Muggle cousin. The two men glanced at each other before going in.
“SURPRISE!”
It was a surprise to Remus to see almost all the Order members grinning at him. Green and gold ribbons hung from the ceiling of the large room where meetings were normally held. A long table sat in the middle with an assortment of food and a large, round chocolate cake. Remus instantly felt like shit, all this time thinking Sirius wouldn’t be celebrating his birthday. He looked for him and saw him mixing in with the crowd. As their eyes met, Remus offered him a small smile. Sirius simply nodded and headed for the table.
“So Sirius kept the secret after all?” asked a grinning James Potter.
Remus nodded. “Yes, he’s good at that,” he softly said.
James wrapped Remus in a tight hug. “Happy birthday, Remus.” He thrust a flat box at him. “Lily’s at home with the baby, but she sends her best.”
Remus smiled at his good friend. “That’s okay. Maybe next year.”
As many more people came up to him to greet him, Remus forgot all about the miserable day he’d had. It wasn’t until an hour later that he realized he hadn’t seen Sirius since they arrived. He quickly scanned the room and saw him in deep conversation with Gideon Prewett. Remus stared at them and couldn’t help the tinge of jealousy that he felt in his chest. Remus wasn’t threatened by Gideon, who Remus knew wasn’t like him and Sirius; he was, however, envious of how well he engaged Sirius. It’d been a while since Remus had been able to do that. Remus looked away and walked to the buffet. As he scooped some potatoes onto his plate, Remus felt him before he heard him.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” whispered Sirius, his breath warming Remus’s neck.
Remus turned to face him. “Yes, you?”
Sirius shrugged and drank from his cup, looking around at the guests. Remus put his plate down. “Uh, Sirius, I’m sorry about what I said before-outside. I, I was feeling frustrated and-”
“And you had to lash out at me,” said Sirius quietly as he looked into Remus’s eyes.
Remus blushed. “Well-well, you didn’t say anything.”
“It was a secret.”
“I know, but you don’t say much anymore,” said Remus. The two gazed at each other for a moment before James interrupted.
“Sirius, are you all set? You only have an hour, mate.”
Sirius blinked rapidly before turning to his friend. “What?”
A confused Remus looked from Sirius to James. “An hour? What do you mean, an hour? Your trip isn’t until tomorrow evening.”
James looked down at the floor. “Oh.”
Remus stared at Sirius, his raised eyebrows waiting for an answer. “The mission’s been moved up,” explained Sirius quickly. “Edgar and I must leave tonight.”
Remus tried to keep his expression neutral as he glanced at James and then back at Sirius. “Tonight.”
Sirius scratched his head nervously. “It’s only two days, Remus.”
“I know,” declared Remus firmly. He was disappointed that Sirius was deserting him on his birthday, but he was more worried that Sirius might not return. It was like that now with everyone in the Order. When one’s wife/husband/father/brother left, the possibility that he or she was not coming back hung over all of them. James sensed this and patted Remus’s back. “He’ll be fine, Moony. Edgar will make sure he comes back to you. Right, Sirius?”
Sirius tried to smile in spite of Remus’s apprehensive face.
“Don’t worry,” advised James. “It’ll be fine.”
Almost an hour later, Remus finished eating and searched for Sirius. Sirius, Gideon, and Edgar Bones were huddled in a corner by the entrance. Remus watched as Sirius nodded animatedly and headed for the door, Edgar and Gideon trailing him. Edgar walked out, and Sirius buttoned his coat while Gideon checked his watch. Remus quickly walked toward Sirius. “Were you leaving without saying good-bye?”
A startled Sirius smiled sheepishly. “You know I’m shit at good-byes.”
“Take care, Sirius,” said Remus hoarsely. He cleared his throat. “I mean it.”
“I’ll wait outside, Sirius,” said Gideon as he left.
“Is Gideon going too?”
Sirius shrugged and avoided Remus’s stare.
“Sirius?”
Sirius looked at Remus and pointed to the door. “I have to go.”
“Right. Good-bye, then.”
Sirius walked closer to Remus. “I’ll see you soon.”
Remus nodded. Sirius looked out at the people and then at Remus. “I’d-you know-but they might watching.” Sirius then embraced Remus tightly. “Happy birthday, Rem.” He let go and walked out the door.
A half hour later, after most of the people had left, Remus finally set off with a medium-sized satchel filled with his birthday gifts. He could have Apparated, but he was in no rush to get home to an empty flat. He thought about Sirius and all the things he wish he should’ve said to him. Once in the living room, Remus set down the bag and removed his coat. He walked into the bedroom and froze.
There, on their large bed in their too-small bedroom, sat Sirius-in his white undershirt and black pajama slacks-holding a strawberry cupcake, its one candle providing the only light in the darkened room.
“Happy birthday, Moony.”
Remus walked unsteadily to the bed and sat down next to Sirius. “You’ve already said that.”
“Oh,” said Sirius casually. “Well, then, make a wish.” He raised the cupcake to Remus’s face.
“Sirius, what are you doing here?”
Sirius lowered the cupcake. “I switched with Gideon. He’ll be going instead of me.”
“Why?”
“It’s your birthday, Moony.”
Remus smiled with relief.
“I avoided you all day because I knew I was supposed to leave tonight, and it hurt me that I had to, but I didn’t tell you because then you’d be worried, and you wouldn’t enjoy your day. And then when James mentioned it, I saw how upset you seemed and I didn’t want to ruin what was left of your day. That’s when I got the idea of asking Gideon to take my place, which I should’ve thought of since yesterday, but forgive me, Moony-ever since leaving Hogwarts, I’m just not as clever as I used to be, which you very well know. But he agreed, and then I thought I’d give you my own surprise because I didn’t get you a gift, which doesn’t mean I forgot your birthday ‘cause I never would; it’s just that nothing seemed right this year. And I figure we can always go shopping and you can pick out anything you want, and I’ll buy it for you.” Sirius held up the cupcake again. “I did have to get this for you, though. Look at the sprinkles; it’s almost too pretty to eat.”
Remus lowered Sirius’s hands. “Do you know that that’s the most you’ve said to me in a month?”
Sirius looked down. “Remus, about that-it’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. It’s just that right now, with the war and with everything falling apart, sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all. Because I’m afraid if we do talk, we’ll eventually have to talk about it all-the secret missions we’re not supposed to discuss, the disappearances, the deaths, James and Lily and Harry and what might happen to them . . .”
Remus held one of Sirius’s hands in his own. “But we’re together in this, Sirius. Not just you and me, but James and Peter and Lily and Professor Dumbledore and the rest of the Order. We have each other in case any of us gets scared. And you have me, Sirius. You’ll always have me.”
Sirius smiled weakly. “You know, lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe you want out of this-out of us, I mean.”
Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand. “I thought the same thing about you.”
Sirius squeezed back. “As soon as this is over, Moony, I promise you that things will be the way they used to be.”
“I know.”
Sirius sighed and raised the cupcake once more. “Make a wish.”
Remus shook his head. “You do it.”
“But it’s your birthday.”
“And it’s my wish.”
“Remus.”
“Sirius.”
“Really?” asked a suddenly anxious Sirius.
Remus nodded. Sirius inhaled and then blew out the candle. “Did you make a good one?” asked Remus curiously.
“Yes,” whispered Sirius as he thrust the cupcake in Remus’s face. “Do you want to eat it now?”
“Sirius, drop the cupcake.”
“But you haven’t tasted-”
Remus shut Sirius up with a kiss. A real kiss, the kind Remus had been wanting since that morning and for a long time now. They both fell back on the bed and began undressing as quickly as they could. Once the clothing was out of the way, though, they slowed down. There was no need to rush things. They’d both earned this night, and they wanted to make it last as long as they could.
Remus was happy with the way things had turned out in the end. As Sirius’s mouth and hands touched him everywhere, Remus tried to memorize everything, especially now that he knew how erratic birthdays could be.
After they finished, they lay on their sides facing each other.
“So you really thought I wasn’t going to celebrate your birthday, huh?” asked a grinning Sirius.
Remus, his cheeks red, shrugged. “You seemed preoccupied.”
Sirius laughed and then turned serious. “How come you didn’t want your wish?”
“I already had all my birthday wishes,” Remus replied.
“Oh.”
“You’re not going to tell me what you wished for, are you?”
“Then it won’t come true, Remus.”
Remus yawned. “Whatever it is, I hope it does.”
Sirius wrapped his fingers around Remus’s. “It will,” he said as he kissed Remus’s lips.
Remus, kissing Sirius back, hoped that Sirius got his wish just as he’d gotten his.
A birthday fic for faiths_fire
Title:A Wish and Two Surprises
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,018
Disclaimer: JK Rowling created them.
Summary: Remus Lupin simply wants a birthday like any other.
A/N: A birthday fic for faiths_fire because she is a cool friend.
March 10, 1981
Remus Lupin stared down at the ground as he walked, his hands in the pockets of his dark green pea coat, protecting them from a post-winter chill on this March evening. Neither he nor his companion had uttered a single word as they walked side-by-side toward their destination.
Remus wasn’t surprised by the silence that now seemed to have followed him from earlier that day. Lately, almost every day of Remus Lupin’s life was permeated with a quiet that should have been peaceful and soothing but instead was anything but. Still, he had hoped that today of all days would be different, and filled with the liveliness and noise that he so dearly missed. He had good reason to hope, after all. Today was his 21st birthday; and even though things hadn’t been normal in quite a while, Remus secretly wished that birthdays-his, at least-would be just like all other birthdays.
Unfortunately, he quickly discovered that birthdays were not immune to the chaotic mess that had plagued his world recently, and he realized his wish was not to be. The first sign that this day was not going to be a happy one came early in the morning when Remus woke and turned to his left to look at Sirius Black’s sleeping form, as he did every morning (when he woke first, that is) for the past two years that they’d been living together. Sirius’s back was to him but Remus had long ago memorized Sirius’s face as he slept. Remus smiled and waited for Sirius to wake. Since Sirius always had a nice surprise for Remus on birthday mornings, Remus’s body filled with anticipation. He momentarily tried to forget the tension and distance that had infiltrated their relationship lately. It was true that they didn’t have as much to talk about as they did a year ago, that they spent more time at work than at home, that they didn’t joke or laugh as much as they once had, that they hadn’t had sex in two whole weeks, and that each now had secrets that he had no desire to share with the other. Well, no, that last part wasn’t absolutely true. Remus had caught Sirius several times looking at him with his mouth open as if he wanted to tell Remus something important. But whenever Remus stared expectantly, Sirius would close his mouth and pick up the newspaper, or stab at his food on the plate, or simply leave the room. Remus too wanted to talk to Sirius about the war, the whispers, the plans, but he, like all the others, had been warned not to say too much and never to talk about the secret Order duties.
Still, as this wasn’t just another day, Remus’s mind chose not to dwell on the present and instead focus on the near, maybe promising future. Sirius stirred, and as he turned his body, Remus looked away to the window and pretended to have just awakened himself. He tried to slow his breathing (which had increased rapidly as he’d imagined the possibilities of the day) and waited. He heard Sirius yawn and saw him lie on his back out of the corner of his eye. After a few seconds of silence, he blinked his eyes several times to make sure Sirius knew he was awake. When still nothing happened, Remus exhaled heavily.
“Happy birthday, Remus.”
Remus turned to face Sirius. “Oh, thanks.” He stared at Sirius, whose face showed no emotion but who stared back at him nonetheless. Finally, Sirius looked away and sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly. He stood and walked to the door, pausing before he exited. He turned back to look at Remus. “You’re not going in today?”
Remus, trying to hide his irritation and disappointment, shook his head as he lifted himself on his elbows. “I got the day the off. I told you last night, remember?”
Sirius nodded as he looked at the space above the bed’s headboard. “That’s nice of them. Well, enjoy your day.” He left the room.
Remus fell back as his face flushed with anger. He couldn’t believe it. Even though he’d told himself not to expect a morning shag (as was their custom on every birthday), Remus had hoped for at least a kiss-a real kiss and not the perfunctory kind that Remus had given Sirius two days ago before they both left for work. It was strange, Remus had realized, that after almost four years of kissing every day (save a few days here and there when they’d had a row), they now only kissed every other day. Of course, Remus accepted this as just another of the many strange things that occurred since the War began and didn’t dwell on it. This morning, however, he had been looking forward to it-that, or some kind of touch or friendly word from Sirius. As he heard the water run in the shower, Remus tried calming down. He really wanted to remain optimistic.
After his own shower, Remus walked into the kitchen and saw Sirius eating toast while reading the Daily Prophet. He looked at the space across from Sirius’s at the table and noticed that there was no plate and certainly no toast for him. There was no birthday cake, either. Remus bit his lip and sat down at the table. He sighed loudly as he tapped his fingers on the table and stared at Sirius. Sirius, who’d gotten very good at pretending to read the paper lately, did not look up. Only when Remus cleared his throat did Sirius finally look at him. They gazed into each other’s eyes for five seconds before Sirius stood.
“I have to go.” He carried his plate to the sink.
Remus shut his eyes.
“Oh, here you go.”
Remus’s eyes flew open. Instead of a birthday gift, though, Sirius held a piece of parchment in front of him. “James sent it. We’re having a meeting tonight.”
Remus took the paper. “Tonight? But we just met last night.”
Sirius shrugged as he fixed his shirt collar. “Something must’ve come up.”
Remus nodded. The Order of the Phoenix had never had back-to-back meetings since he and Sirius joined, so he had to agree with Sirius that something critical must have happened. He only hoped they weren’t all getting bad news on his birthday.
“I’ll come by, then, and we can go together. All right?” asked Sirius as he stood beside Remus.
Remus nodded. Sirius suddenly reached out and squeezed Remus’s shoulder. “Don’t think about it, Remus; it might not be so bad.” He patted Remus’s back. “Enjoy your day.” Remus let his head fall on the table as he heard the front door close.
“Is something wrong?”
Remus shook his head without looking over at Sirius. “No.” He didn’t want to talk now as they walked to the Order meeting. He certainly did not want to tell Sirius about how wrong everything had been that day. He didn’t want to tell Sirius how he’d glanced at the window every hour hoping for an owl message from him, or how he’d searched the entire flat looking for a hidden gift, or how he’d reluctantly accepted his parents’ invite for lunch at their house because he thought Sirius might show up at the flat in the middle of the day as a birthday surprise.
“Remus?” Sirius inched closer to Remus, and Remus increased his pace. Sirius caught up to him. “Listen, I know it’s your birthday, and you’d rather be somewhere else tonight and-”
“Do you?” yelled Remus as he stopped and looked at Sirius.
“What?”
Remus placed his hands on his hips. “Do you know it’s my birthday?”
“Of course I know. I wished you a happy birthday, didn’t I?”
“Yes, and?”
Sirius opened his mouth but said nothing.
“Spit it out, Sirius.”
Sirius glanced around the nearly empty street and then leaned closer to Remus. “Remus, I-”
Remus backed up and resumed walking. “We’ll talk about it later, okay?” He walked quickly and didn’t notice Sirius-who’d wisely stayed a few steps behind Remus-until they reached Headquarters, an abandoned tenement building that once belonged to Marlene McKinnon’s Muggle cousin. The two men glanced at each other before going in.
“SURPRISE!”
It was a surprise to Remus to see almost all the Order members grinning at him. Green and gold ribbons hung from the ceiling of the large room where meetings were normally held. A long table sat in the middle with an assortment of food and a large, round chocolate cake. Remus instantly felt like shit, all this time thinking Sirius wouldn’t be celebrating his birthday. He looked for him and saw him mixing in with the crowd. As their eyes met, Remus offered him a small smile. Sirius simply nodded and headed for the table.
“So Sirius kept the secret after all?” asked a grinning James Potter.
Remus nodded. “Yes, he’s good at that,” he softly said.
James wrapped Remus in a tight hug. “Happy birthday, Remus.” He thrust a flat box at him. “Lily’s at home with the baby, but she sends her best.”
Remus smiled at his good friend. “That’s okay. Maybe next year.”
As many more people came up to him to greet him, Remus forgot all about the miserable day he’d had. It wasn’t until an hour later that he realized he hadn’t seen Sirius since they arrived. He quickly scanned the room and saw him in deep conversation with Gideon Prewett. Remus stared at them and couldn’t help the tinge of jealousy that he felt in his chest. Remus wasn’t threatened by Gideon, who Remus knew wasn’t like him and Sirius; he was, however, envious of how well he engaged Sirius. It’d been a while since Remus had been able to do that. Remus looked away and walked to the buffet. As he scooped some potatoes onto his plate, Remus felt him before he heard him.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” whispered Sirius, his breath warming Remus’s neck.
Remus turned to face him. “Yes, you?”
Sirius shrugged and drank from his cup, looking around at the guests. Remus put his plate down. “Uh, Sirius, I’m sorry about what I said before-outside. I, I was feeling frustrated and-”
“And you had to lash out at me,” said Sirius quietly as he looked into Remus’s eyes.
Remus blushed. “Well-well, you didn’t say anything.”
“It was a secret.”
“I know, but you don’t say much anymore,” said Remus. The two gazed at each other for a moment before James interrupted.
“Sirius, are you all set? You only have an hour, mate.”
Sirius blinked rapidly before turning to his friend. “What?”
A confused Remus looked from Sirius to James. “An hour? What do you mean, an hour? Your trip isn’t until tomorrow evening.”
James looked down at the floor. “Oh.”
Remus stared at Sirius, his raised eyebrows waiting for an answer. “The mission’s been moved up,” explained Sirius quickly. “Edgar and I must leave tonight.”
Remus tried to keep his expression neutral as he glanced at James and then back at Sirius. “Tonight.”
Sirius scratched his head nervously. “It’s only two days, Remus.”
“I know,” declared Remus firmly. He was disappointed that Sirius was deserting him on his birthday, but he was more worried that Sirius might not return. It was like that now with everyone in the Order. When one’s wife/husband/father/brother left, the possibility that he or she was not coming back hung over all of them. James sensed this and patted Remus’s back. “He’ll be fine, Moony. Edgar will make sure he comes back to you. Right, Sirius?”
Sirius tried to smile in spite of Remus’s apprehensive face.
“Don’t worry,” advised James. “It’ll be fine.”
Almost an hour later, Remus finished eating and searched for Sirius. Sirius, Gideon, and Edgar Bones were huddled in a corner by the entrance. Remus watched as Sirius nodded animatedly and headed for the door, Edgar and Gideon trailing him. Edgar walked out, and Sirius buttoned his coat while Gideon checked his watch. Remus quickly walked toward Sirius. “Were you leaving without saying good-bye?”
A startled Sirius smiled sheepishly. “You know I’m shit at good-byes.”
“Take care, Sirius,” said Remus hoarsely. He cleared his throat. “I mean it.”
“I’ll wait outside, Sirius,” said Gideon as he left.
“Is Gideon going too?”
Sirius shrugged and avoided Remus’s stare.
“Sirius?”
Sirius looked at Remus and pointed to the door. “I have to go.”
“Right. Good-bye, then.”
Sirius walked closer to Remus. “I’ll see you soon.”
Remus nodded. Sirius looked out at the people and then at Remus. “I’d-you know-but they might watching.” Sirius then embraced Remus tightly. “Happy birthday, Rem.” He let go and walked out the door.
A half hour later, after most of the people had left, Remus finally set off with a medium-sized satchel filled with his birthday gifts. He could have Apparated, but he was in no rush to get home to an empty flat. He thought about Sirius and all the things he wish he should’ve said to him. Once in the living room, Remus set down the bag and removed his coat. He walked into the bedroom and froze.
There, on their large bed in their too-small bedroom, sat Sirius-in his white undershirt and black pajama slacks-holding a strawberry cupcake, its one candle providing the only light in the darkened room.
“Happy birthday, Moony.”
Remus walked unsteadily to the bed and sat down next to Sirius. “You’ve already said that.”
“Oh,” said Sirius casually. “Well, then, make a wish.” He raised the cupcake to Remus’s face.
“Sirius, what are you doing here?”
Sirius lowered the cupcake. “I switched with Gideon. He’ll be going instead of me.”
“Why?”
“It’s your birthday, Moony.”
Remus smiled with relief.
“I avoided you all day because I knew I was supposed to leave tonight, and it hurt me that I had to, but I didn’t tell you because then you’d be worried, and you wouldn’t enjoy your day. And then when James mentioned it, I saw how upset you seemed and I didn’t want to ruin what was left of your day. That’s when I got the idea of asking Gideon to take my place, which I should’ve thought of since yesterday, but forgive me, Moony-ever since leaving Hogwarts, I’m just not as clever as I used to be, which you very well know. But he agreed, and then I thought I’d give you my own surprise because I didn’t get you a gift, which doesn’t mean I forgot your birthday ‘cause I never would; it’s just that nothing seemed right this year. And I figure we can always go shopping and you can pick out anything you want, and I’ll buy it for you.” Sirius held up the cupcake again. “I did have to get this for you, though. Look at the sprinkles; it’s almost too pretty to eat.”
Remus lowered Sirius’s hands. “Do you know that that’s the most you’ve said to me in a month?”
Sirius looked down. “Remus, about that-it’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. It’s just that right now, with the war and with everything falling apart, sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all. Because I’m afraid if we do talk, we’ll eventually have to talk about it all-the secret missions we’re not supposed to discuss, the disappearances, the deaths, James and Lily and Harry and what might happen to them . . .”
Remus held one of Sirius’s hands in his own. “But we’re together in this, Sirius. Not just you and me, but James and Peter and Lily and Professor Dumbledore and the rest of the Order. We have each other in case any of us gets scared. And you have me, Sirius. You’ll always have me.”
Sirius smiled weakly. “You know, lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe you want out of this-out of us, I mean.”
Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand. “I thought the same thing about you.”
Sirius squeezed back. “As soon as this is over, Moony, I promise you that things will be the way they used to be.”
“I know.”
Sirius sighed and raised the cupcake once more. “Make a wish.”
Remus shook his head. “You do it.”
“But it’s your birthday.”
“And it’s my wish.”
“Remus.”
“Sirius.”
“Really?” asked a suddenly anxious Sirius.
Remus nodded. Sirius inhaled and then blew out the candle. “Did you make a good one?” asked Remus curiously.
“Yes,” whispered Sirius as he thrust the cupcake in Remus’s face. “Do you want to eat it now?”
“Sirius, drop the cupcake.”
“But you haven’t tasted-”
Remus shut Sirius up with a kiss. A real kiss, the kind Remus had been wanting since that morning and for a long time now. They both fell back on the bed and began undressing as quickly as they could. Once the clothing was out of the way, though, they slowed down. There was no need to rush things. They’d both earned this night, and they wanted to make it last as long as they could.
Remus was happy with the way things had turned out in the end. As Sirius’s mouth and hands touched him everywhere, Remus tried to memorize everything, especially now that he knew how erratic birthdays could be.
After they finished, they lay on their sides facing each other.
“So you really thought I wasn’t going to celebrate your birthday, huh?” asked a grinning Sirius.
Remus, his cheeks red, shrugged. “You seemed preoccupied.”
Sirius laughed and then turned serious. “How come you didn’t want your wish?”
“I already had all my birthday wishes,” Remus replied.
“Oh.”
“You’re not going to tell me what you wished for, are you?”
“Then it won’t come true, Remus.”
Remus yawned. “Whatever it is, I hope it does.”
Sirius wrapped his fingers around Remus’s. “It will,” he said as he kissed Remus’s lips.
Remus, kissing Sirius back, hoped that Sirius got his wish just as he’d gotten his.