Yes, I still exist
Although I’ve been away from LJ for a while, I’ve been checking in every now and then. I even managed to write a Fun Fic Friday entry for last week’s post. I promise to catch up and read all the fics I’ve missed recently.
The reason I’ve stopped updating my journal and unfinished LuRe fics is because I haven’t been feeling so well the past few months. I posted about headaches and feeling ill a while back.
Well, I finally had the MRI done (I used my tax refund to pay for it) last month as well as other neurologic exams. The neurologist gave me the results: he says I have multiple sclerosis (MS).
Yeah, that’s what he said and not what I was hoping to hear.
Why, life, why?
He still doesn’t know if the headaches are a cause of the MS, but he said he figured I had MS the previous times he saw me; he couldn’t tell me for sure until he saw the MRI (my spine shows lesions and nerve damage). In evaluating all the common symptoms of MS (fatigue, stiffness, tremors, dizziness, double vision and blurriness, chronic pain, numbness) that I’ve been suffering, he came to this conclusion.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I believed him (yes, I know he’s the doctor but even doctors can misdiagnose) so I talked to the surgeon who performed my scoliosis surgery years ago. He no longer practices medicine but is a consultant at a university hospital in San Antonio. I’ve known him since I was fifteen so I trust him more. But yeah, he confirmed it too.
That being said, I’m still hoping to get a 3rd opinion-not to discredit this diagnosis but to get better treatment options and service. I don’t particularly like the neurologist I’m seeing right now, and to keep this condition under control for the rest of my life, I want to feel comfortable with the doctor who’s treating me.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about this disease and its effects, but I’m trying to think positive and not dwell on the destructive side of it. I have what’s called relapsing-remitting MS, which is like a first stage of MS. I’m on oral medication and will start physical therapy to help with my stiffness and muscle contractions.
And that’s why I’ve been MIA and why my in-progress LuRe fics remain in progress. I’ve been experiencing severe exhaustion and vision problems. The worst, though, is the stiffness, tingling and tremors I get in my hands and legs. I can’t sit too long at my computer to type, which has also impacted my job (where I sit 7 hours a day in front of a PC). I’m trying to keep these symptoms under control-I have to!-so hopefully I’ll get back to writing. I’m also trying to meet the deadline for the script I’ve been working on so yes, please believe me when I say I am really, really trying to write again. I will never leave a fic unfinished. I don’t like it when it’s done to me so I won’t do it to you all (in case you’re even still interested in them). Thanks for your patience!
Oh, and I'm okay from the minor car accident I was in back in January. There were no injuries from that other than whiplash.
So yeah, this is what my life is like now.