(no subject)
Music has taken complete control of my life. Walking, i find my feet keeping the rythm, while my hands tap out the bass and snare. Certain songs pull so much emotion from me. listening to the Art Teacher today I had to leave my company huddled at the gorge and find solutide just to hear how beautiful it was. In band practice, i feel my veins surging with energy going into an explosion, or just focousing on my fingerings, hard, to not mess up. I've stopped caring that my voice is emo and nasally. I just have to work with it and have fun, and so many times in practice I just break out in smiles and look up from my bass to see smiles all around me. it's so perfect. there's just so much anger in my hands when I write and hit the strings. there's all these unpleasant, and unsettling emotions that make up songs, and when we play them, it's like everything rushes and bubbles to the surface and it's satsfying to let go of those feelings slowy. I feel like the emotional wounds are in my skin now, and through playing/listening they're closing up. No one knows because I hate showing it. I have to do it on my own, or it won't make me stronger. it helps when everything is out in the open. Playing music is the only time it happens.