Resolutions
1. Become more ok with being by myself.
I can't chill with myself. Not and be happy. I wander aimlessly about my house without purpose...I need to be alright without being with other people...and I'm really really not right now. Right now I'm journaling because its a pleasant break from clutching my cell phone hoping it will magically ring.
2.Write something substantial.
Something more substantial than Livejournal. An actual journal maybe? I could actually get to the second page of that book I've been trying to write. I could quit trashing the poetry I write and just make it better. Something, anything. I just want to end 2005 with something that came from my heart and my pen, something I can be proud of.
3. Be better about money.
I'm so bad with money. If I have it, I spend it. Hell, sometimes I spend it even if I don't have it. On books I read once, on music I hardly listen to, on food I definitely do not need to be eating, weed and cigarettes I don't need to be smoking. I resolve to actually budget, to pay off our debts, and to actually put some "cushion" money away.
4. Eat better.
I'm not talking crash diet and lose a little weight. I'm talking stop killing myself slowly. I'm the fat girl that makes jokes so people won't notice how she looks, and I HATE THAT. I eat from stress, I eat from craving. I eat all the wrong things. I'm going to find some information on actual good nutrition, not low carb crazyness, or weight watchers emphasis on chemically enhanced low fat everything, and eat like people should eat.
5. GO TO COLLEGE!!!
I can literally feel myself getting stupider. More and more I'm noticing how much I don't know. Career goals aside, I simply have got to get to a place where I can learn from the people around me. I HAVE to go to school. Even if it ends up being Evergreen or SPSCC and not Central.
I guess all of those goals can be summed up in one. CHANGE MY LIFE. I've coasted along here, not happy, but not unhappy enough to change anything. I can't live like that anymore. I'm not really sleeping anymore, I don't really take joy in anything anymore, and the panic and overall blackness creeps in farther everyday. I don't even know how much longer I'll be able to fake it...so I've got to change some things. Somehow I've got to fix me.
I can't chill with myself. Not and be happy. I wander aimlessly about my house without purpose...I need to be alright without being with other people...and I'm really really not right now. Right now I'm journaling because its a pleasant break from clutching my cell phone hoping it will magically ring.
2.Write something substantial.
Something more substantial than Livejournal. An actual journal maybe? I could actually get to the second page of that book I've been trying to write. I could quit trashing the poetry I write and just make it better. Something, anything. I just want to end 2005 with something that came from my heart and my pen, something I can be proud of.
3. Be better about money.
I'm so bad with money. If I have it, I spend it. Hell, sometimes I spend it even if I don't have it. On books I read once, on music I hardly listen to, on food I definitely do not need to be eating, weed and cigarettes I don't need to be smoking. I resolve to actually budget, to pay off our debts, and to actually put some "cushion" money away.
4. Eat better.
I'm not talking crash diet and lose a little weight. I'm talking stop killing myself slowly. I'm the fat girl that makes jokes so people won't notice how she looks, and I HATE THAT. I eat from stress, I eat from craving. I eat all the wrong things. I'm going to find some information on actual good nutrition, not low carb crazyness, or weight watchers emphasis on chemically enhanced low fat everything, and eat like people should eat.
5. GO TO COLLEGE!!!
I can literally feel myself getting stupider. More and more I'm noticing how much I don't know. Career goals aside, I simply have got to get to a place where I can learn from the people around me. I HAVE to go to school. Even if it ends up being Evergreen or SPSCC and not Central.
I guess all of those goals can be summed up in one. CHANGE MY LIFE. I've coasted along here, not happy, but not unhappy enough to change anything. I can't live like that anymore. I'm not really sleeping anymore, I don't really take joy in anything anymore, and the panic and overall blackness creeps in farther everyday. I don't even know how much longer I'll be able to fake it...so I've got to change some things. Somehow I've got to fix me.