MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
So today's Christmas. And I have to say its disapointing...why can things never turn out as good as I want them to? I remember Christmas when I was a kid and how magic and exciting and beautiful it was...and its just not the same...not even close. I'm beginnign to see why John B hates the season. Maybe I should just employ his defense of smoking a bowl every day for the season and drinking a bottle of whiskey on Christmas next year. I hate the shit that comes with getting older. It makes me want to do stupid things, like get divorced and get into college and abandon the life I have now. So today is disapointing, and I really want to just go to my house and sit in my big chair and listen to music and wallow. I think we'll just leave as early as possible tommorrow and just go home. Just once, I want something to be as good in real life as it is in my mind. My relationship with my family as the black sheep is just not cool anymore...and here I thought things were getting better. But its obvious...just in the wording of the yearly newsletter...shock expressed at the fact I've been married for a year, and how they've "given up hope" on me...like the life I live is so shameful. When did not graduating from college automatically make you a failure? whatever. This holiday blows...again.