Laziness
I had meant to update this earlier, but then Weekend happened, and I don't regret a thing. So! The thing that was on my mind has, not surprisingly, to do with me. I still find that even though I'm rapidly growing up I can be amazingly self-centered at time, something which I guess only goes to show in writing these livejournal posts. That's okay, that's a flaw for another time. Right now I was thinking about laziness, slacking, procrastination, and how much fun all of that is until it gets you in trouble.
Up until now, I've always just sort of managed without trying really really hard except occasionally. Through high school and the first two years of Uni, I always sucked at planning and just left things until the very last day and then rushed them, and still passed. This attitude never really bothered me. If it worked out in the end, why fuss about it earlier? If I was an average student, wasn't that good enough? Thing is, there's always a lot of fun stuff to do that is much more appealing than the serious stuff, and that's why I always left it hanging.
Or so I thought. Because lately I've realised it's not just about fun and not-fun. It's really about effort. Thing that made me realise this is writing. I like writing, building stories out of nothing, creating characters and having them interact, crafting a suspenseful plot. And yet, even though I really enjoy it, when not pressured to do it I tend to play mindless games instead of writing. Why? Because it's less effort, and also fun. Equal fun for less effort, win-win! Only nothing gets done. And it really just means I'm a lazy, lazy bastard who can't even be bothered to try hard at stuff he likes because it's 'too exhausting'. Wouldn't you get angry at such a dude? I would, sort of. But I sympathise, because I know where it's coming from. It's not bad intent, it's just laziness. Just that, just so-so.
It only recently occured to me as well how despicable it can be to watch someone who could be good at something if he tried harder just slack off and be mediocre. Now I'm not that great, but I do think I could do better at least a bit if I just put more effort into it. And that's a pretty big challenge for me. Over twenty years I've accumulated the mindset that easy fun comes first and everything else later. I'm not sure I can change that from one day to the other, or at all, ever. The best I can do is try to spend more time on those things even though I'd rather drop them and do something that doesn't require brain power. I guess that's kind of my New Year's resolution: To at least try to try harder. And see what happens.
Up until now, I've always just sort of managed without trying really really hard except occasionally. Through high school and the first two years of Uni, I always sucked at planning and just left things until the very last day and then rushed them, and still passed. This attitude never really bothered me. If it worked out in the end, why fuss about it earlier? If I was an average student, wasn't that good enough? Thing is, there's always a lot of fun stuff to do that is much more appealing than the serious stuff, and that's why I always left it hanging.
Or so I thought. Because lately I've realised it's not just about fun and not-fun. It's really about effort. Thing that made me realise this is writing. I like writing, building stories out of nothing, creating characters and having them interact, crafting a suspenseful plot. And yet, even though I really enjoy it, when not pressured to do it I tend to play mindless games instead of writing. Why? Because it's less effort, and also fun. Equal fun for less effort, win-win! Only nothing gets done. And it really just means I'm a lazy, lazy bastard who can't even be bothered to try hard at stuff he likes because it's 'too exhausting'. Wouldn't you get angry at such a dude? I would, sort of. But I sympathise, because I know where it's coming from. It's not bad intent, it's just laziness. Just that, just so-so.
It only recently occured to me as well how despicable it can be to watch someone who could be good at something if he tried harder just slack off and be mediocre. Now I'm not that great, but I do think I could do better at least a bit if I just put more effort into it. And that's a pretty big challenge for me. Over twenty years I've accumulated the mindset that easy fun comes first and everything else later. I'm not sure I can change that from one day to the other, or at all, ever. The best I can do is try to spend more time on those things even though I'd rather drop them and do something that doesn't require brain power. I guess that's kind of my New Year's resolution: To at least try to try harder. And see what happens.