Exploding Inside
I need to sit down with someone and discuss my life. I hate my job with a passion, and I feel like I would be much happier elsewhere. I love being a veterinarian, but not here. All of my classmates I've talked to love their newfound lives. Meanwhile I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into depression. And I know its all because of my job, because of where I am (far away from my friends), and because I have no time to enjoy what little life I have left. I can't do anything without thinking about work. It makes me sick at my stomach every morning to drag myself out of bed to go to work. I sit there and try to think of excuses not to go in every morning. When I'm on call, I flinch when the phone rings. I am on edge every minute of everyday. Even on my days off, like today, as the day wears on, a feeling of dread builds in me knowing I have to go to that hell of a place again the next day.
It would be so much simpler if I could just change jobs. But I can't really do that since I've signed a contract for a year, which states that I cannot work as a vet within 25 miles of the area for 5 years after the contract is up. I also cannot work at the other places that offered me jobs because they are either within the 25 miles or they only do small animal work. I have a state loan that I am paying off by working with large animals (a work-forgiveness program). Not to mention the county is paying for my student loans right now as well. If I leave, all of that is gone. I can't just expect Carroll to move either, as he has an established career as a paramedic here. And although our place is falling apart, it's at least a roof over our heads that we own. I don't know how we could pull off a mortgage without being married.
But I guess I should just suck it up and be miserable. After all, it's my own fault, I made the choice to come here.
It would be so much simpler if I could just change jobs. But I can't really do that since I've signed a contract for a year, which states that I cannot work as a vet within 25 miles of the area for 5 years after the contract is up. I also cannot work at the other places that offered me jobs because they are either within the 25 miles or they only do small animal work. I have a state loan that I am paying off by working with large animals (a work-forgiveness program). Not to mention the county is paying for my student loans right now as well. If I leave, all of that is gone. I can't just expect Carroll to move either, as he has an established career as a paramedic here. And although our place is falling apart, it's at least a roof over our heads that we own. I don't know how we could pull off a mortgage without being married.
But I guess I should just suck it up and be miserable. After all, it's my own fault, I made the choice to come here.