Where have all the ardvarks gone?
It seems to me, as it has to many people before me, that the more things change the more they stay the same. I haven't made many post in this journal, but they've all been at different intervals in my life; particularly marking some kind of change. The most recent being my school life, and new job. I've maintained a very optimistic view on most things as of late, and have defiantly tried very hard. Maybe not my hardest, but more so than I have ever before. I work what before school started seemed like an insignificant amount of hours, but spend close to six hours a day commuting to and fro. Sometimes not getting in until well after one in the morning; this is problematic when on my regular school day I need to be awake by five thirty AM. I've taken the knocks and am not doing all together that well in two of my classes, but still, I've made some kind of self afrimating connection. It feels good even thought I need to do a lot better; I find myself so grateful to just be alive. I really wish I could explain what I'm going through. I've never in my life felt so ... normal? Heh, it feels so weird to say that.
All this has granted me a little negativity though. Most of the people I care about seem to be having an encreasingly hard life, or at least some kind of problem with something. I can't help but feel somehow responsible. I know it's stupid but fuck you, you're going to consider it. What if I just happen to be the metaphysical dumpsite for the people I love? Really, the second things start to go even somewhat good for me, everyone else life goes to shite. Friends are losing homes, families are splitting up, people are dropping out of school, it seems to go on forever and all in sync with my life looking up. I guess I think to much, but I was looking forward to finally being happy with the people I love...
So what am I going to do about it you say? well, nothing actually. What can I do? If I can help any of them, my girlfriend included, then I will. Things asending in my life to an almost adult level. I might be moving into my first place in February, and I'm becoming more able to deal with shite when it happens. Ani and I are going to move in together this summer, and my job is going pretty well... I'm going to stop rambling now.
To all the people in my life, I love you; please ask me for help.
All this has granted me a little negativity though. Most of the people I care about seem to be having an encreasingly hard life, or at least some kind of problem with something. I can't help but feel somehow responsible. I know it's stupid but fuck you, you're going to consider it. What if I just happen to be the metaphysical dumpsite for the people I love? Really, the second things start to go even somewhat good for me, everyone else life goes to shite. Friends are losing homes, families are splitting up, people are dropping out of school, it seems to go on forever and all in sync with my life looking up. I guess I think to much, but I was looking forward to finally being happy with the people I love...
So what am I going to do about it you say? well, nothing actually. What can I do? If I can help any of them, my girlfriend included, then I will. Things asending in my life to an almost adult level. I might be moving into my first place in February, and I'm becoming more able to deal with shite when it happens. Ani and I are going to move in together this summer, and my job is going pretty well... I'm going to stop rambling now.
To all the people in my life, I love you; please ask me for help.