this is a goodbye to mr. hanneman
Well i wrote most of my thoughts here and I'm so glad i had that blog to finally settle with the news. It was great help to see everyone mourning and being sad like me. When i heard the news i just couldn't process what I was reading. The words in the sentences made no sense and I just couldn't believe it all. The tweets kept coming by and I still couldn't settle with it.
The realization of it actually being true made me so confused and sad. I started crying and i just really couldn't believe it. I guess it was just the fact that he had been gone for so long and we just hadn't heard anything about him, for this to come out of nowhere was a serious blow for many of us. It really took me a couple of hours to finally understand the situation and really come to terms with the fact that it was true. The ugly feeling kept settling in once all the metal community started tweeting and speaking out, members from several bands on their twitters writing their thoughts on the news. Then after seeing tweets from all the music new sites and even news accounts that never reported much about music unless it was someone really big. They confirmed it and Jeff was trending all over.
After that, I was able to walk for a bit to get some food and told my mom about it. She told me to not take it too hard but she obviously doesn't understand completely how heavily emotionally invested i am in this group. She knew i liked them a lot but not the extent where i would cry for one of them passing away like this. Haha she still was supportive and we talked a bit about it. She made me realize a lot of possible things that could have happened. At one point i was so mad because this is not how i want Slayer to end, even though several times with all the drama happening, i had mentioned it was better for them to just call it quits already.
She said it was possible that Jeff probably just purposely secluded himself and didn't want people to know what was going on. Most likely he has been better from the spider incident for about a year now but has just decided to keep low and not make any announcements. Maybe he just wanted to dedicate more of his time with family or keep it chill. Maybe he had already been warned about his liver problem and chose to take it easy but at the same time not listen, eventually leading to his death. We all know he loved to drink. Heineken was his favorite.
As I talked to another friend, whom we've discussed a million times how we were not liking the idea of Kerry wanting to release an album without Jeff and also how Jeff is like the greatest guitar player ever, that maybe he along with the other band members just kept this quiet. Maybe it was his choice to not make a big deal about it and maybe he just didn't care about the whole crazy famous lifestyle of being in Slayer. He also mentioned how it could have been a possibility that he was probably going through some low times, even through depression and kept drinking until it led to the liver failure. It's very probable because we really don't have any idea how badly he was affected by the spider bit incident. He spent about a year recovering from that and we still don't even know if he ever was able to play like back in the days.
I started thinking about how it's been almost 2 years since we've really heard anything from him in interviews or statements. No direct quotes whatsoever just word from members, mostly Kerry stating that's hes still recovering, still trying riffs here and there, not being sure if he could play for the album or not, probably not playing live either, blah blah. They had us like this for about a year and we never heard anything directly from him on his thoughts for the album, the band, the fans or his condition. I guess that's what had me a bit mad because he just completely fell out, into a blackhole and some of us here were still really hoping he could comeback and that we could have our real slayer back. Without Jeff and Dave, there is just no Slayer.
It sort of makes me even more sad if he really did end up doing this, just letting himself go until he passed away. Maybe it was just too far in and he had no control. I don't know, maybe we will know later if people closest to him are able to say something. Jeff was a true bias and he is seriously one of my favorite guitar players. If it wasn't for him, I am not sure If i would be so obsessed and dedicated to slayer as I am now. I don't even fully consider myself a metalhead anymore, more of a veteran but I know that I would be a Slayer fan for life. I have such an empty hole in my for the time being because I know Slayer won't be the same. I sort of felt this when Mehdi left us, the EDM scene wasn't the same, we all felt that loss. For someone like me that just revolved a lot around Slayer, well this is going to be truly hard, especially when it's your favorite member from the band.
Either way, I'm just really grateful for the day that I was able to hear Slayer back that good day in 2004 back in 9th grade. I remember Cristina bringing her future husband's huge folder of CDs, all slayer albums included in there. Me popping that CD into my portable CD player and once War Ensemble started, it blew me away. I had never heard anything like it. It immediately clicked in me that this was what I had been searching for all along. The drums were immense, the guitars were just the best thing ever and to this day i haven't heard anything quite like it, the exchanges and just the memorable solos caught on to me and never let me go. Tom's voice and it was just the greatest music discovery ever. It opened up everything for me, to get into metal and then branch out into so much more.
I don't know where i would be without Slayer, I listened to them so much. Now, I don't as much and I know that i don't have to listen to them a million times in order to know how much I love them. I just loved the group as a whole and everything they created and put out there. Slayer has become a part of me and my identity. I might not agree with everything they sing about but their musical abilities are out of this world and I know that they themselves are past most of the themes they once created. People grow and mature and I feel that they helped me to that a lot as well as their songs have important things to say as well.
Anyways, this post was mostly for Jeff. I already wrote most of what I could write in that post. I just had a mini spam on the blog and I feel exhausted. It's sunk in yet it's still so weird to see pictures of him and i keep feeling that he's alive out there somewhere, just like the past year or so where we haven't heard or seen of him but we know he's just there. I guess that's what made it more shocking and harder to accept. We haven't seen any recent pictures of him or anything and it's like he's still here yet he's not. It hurts a lot, to know that years from now, I will look back at concerts and CDs and now that he's not alive anymore. It was too soon and early. I never expected him or any of them to leave this soon. In a way though, I'm glad it was through illness and not in tragedy.
I'm pooped out now, i don't even know what else to say. I'm sad yes, but it is a part of life. We all must reach that point someday. I really wish for Slayer to be for what it was back then and stop now. It wouldn't be fair to Jeff to continue on without him. I also wish to hear from the members, their thoughts and stuff. I really loved them as a group of friends so I hope that remained somewhat the same before his death. It's all sinking in now but I will still get a bit emotional every time i see pictures of them and my band shirts. RIP Jeff, thanks for everything. What i liked best about today was the whole metal community uniting again and just really feeling this loss. Even those who aren't so big on slayer, still understood the significance Jeff had on the music and really thought it was unfortunate to lose him so quickly. Especially with everything happened a couple of years ago. I hope the guys will be okay and I hope the metal community will get through with this as well. It's just so strange to think of him gone just like Dio, Cliff, Dimebag, Chuck and more.
edit: I read this article the next morning and just really felt in the feels because this Slayer fan just said it all, what Slayer really is to all of us and the effect that Jeff had on that.
Also, I've been seeing some comments on blabbermouth and for once, more than one metalhead is making some sense there. This guy said pretty much all my feels along with these two guys making good points that people need to think about.
I also just realized how much I'm gonna miss seeing him play with his guitars and his hair and the knee pads. Let's not forget he was my fellow supporter of the Raiders, always wearing his Raiders jerseys ;~; so many reasons why he was my favorite.
The realization of it actually being true made me so confused and sad. I started crying and i just really couldn't believe it. I guess it was just the fact that he had been gone for so long and we just hadn't heard anything about him, for this to come out of nowhere was a serious blow for many of us. It really took me a couple of hours to finally understand the situation and really come to terms with the fact that it was true. The ugly feeling kept settling in once all the metal community started tweeting and speaking out, members from several bands on their twitters writing their thoughts on the news. Then after seeing tweets from all the music new sites and even news accounts that never reported much about music unless it was someone really big. They confirmed it and Jeff was trending all over.
After that, I was able to walk for a bit to get some food and told my mom about it. She told me to not take it too hard but she obviously doesn't understand completely how heavily emotionally invested i am in this group. She knew i liked them a lot but not the extent where i would cry for one of them passing away like this. Haha she still was supportive and we talked a bit about it. She made me realize a lot of possible things that could have happened. At one point i was so mad because this is not how i want Slayer to end, even though several times with all the drama happening, i had mentioned it was better for them to just call it quits already.
She said it was possible that Jeff probably just purposely secluded himself and didn't want people to know what was going on. Most likely he has been better from the spider incident for about a year now but has just decided to keep low and not make any announcements. Maybe he just wanted to dedicate more of his time with family or keep it chill. Maybe he had already been warned about his liver problem and chose to take it easy but at the same time not listen, eventually leading to his death. We all know he loved to drink. Heineken was his favorite.
As I talked to another friend, whom we've discussed a million times how we were not liking the idea of Kerry wanting to release an album without Jeff and also how Jeff is like the greatest guitar player ever, that maybe he along with the other band members just kept this quiet. Maybe it was his choice to not make a big deal about it and maybe he just didn't care about the whole crazy famous lifestyle of being in Slayer. He also mentioned how it could have been a possibility that he was probably going through some low times, even through depression and kept drinking until it led to the liver failure. It's very probable because we really don't have any idea how badly he was affected by the spider bit incident. He spent about a year recovering from that and we still don't even know if he ever was able to play like back in the days.
I started thinking about how it's been almost 2 years since we've really heard anything from him in interviews or statements. No direct quotes whatsoever just word from members, mostly Kerry stating that's hes still recovering, still trying riffs here and there, not being sure if he could play for the album or not, probably not playing live either, blah blah. They had us like this for about a year and we never heard anything directly from him on his thoughts for the album, the band, the fans or his condition. I guess that's what had me a bit mad because he just completely fell out, into a blackhole and some of us here were still really hoping he could comeback and that we could have our real slayer back. Without Jeff and Dave, there is just no Slayer.
It sort of makes me even more sad if he really did end up doing this, just letting himself go until he passed away. Maybe it was just too far in and he had no control. I don't know, maybe we will know later if people closest to him are able to say something. Jeff was a true bias and he is seriously one of my favorite guitar players. If it wasn't for him, I am not sure If i would be so obsessed and dedicated to slayer as I am now. I don't even fully consider myself a metalhead anymore, more of a veteran but I know that I would be a Slayer fan for life. I have such an empty hole in my for the time being because I know Slayer won't be the same. I sort of felt this when Mehdi left us, the EDM scene wasn't the same, we all felt that loss. For someone like me that just revolved a lot around Slayer, well this is going to be truly hard, especially when it's your favorite member from the band.
Either way, I'm just really grateful for the day that I was able to hear Slayer back that good day in 2004 back in 9th grade. I remember Cristina bringing her future husband's huge folder of CDs, all slayer albums included in there. Me popping that CD into my portable CD player and once War Ensemble started, it blew me away. I had never heard anything like it. It immediately clicked in me that this was what I had been searching for all along. The drums were immense, the guitars were just the best thing ever and to this day i haven't heard anything quite like it, the exchanges and just the memorable solos caught on to me and never let me go. Tom's voice and it was just the greatest music discovery ever. It opened up everything for me, to get into metal and then branch out into so much more.
I don't know where i would be without Slayer, I listened to them so much. Now, I don't as much and I know that i don't have to listen to them a million times in order to know how much I love them. I just loved the group as a whole and everything they created and put out there. Slayer has become a part of me and my identity. I might not agree with everything they sing about but their musical abilities are out of this world and I know that they themselves are past most of the themes they once created. People grow and mature and I feel that they helped me to that a lot as well as their songs have important things to say as well.
Anyways, this post was mostly for Jeff. I already wrote most of what I could write in that post. I just had a mini spam on the blog and I feel exhausted. It's sunk in yet it's still so weird to see pictures of him and i keep feeling that he's alive out there somewhere, just like the past year or so where we haven't heard or seen of him but we know he's just there. I guess that's what made it more shocking and harder to accept. We haven't seen any recent pictures of him or anything and it's like he's still here yet he's not. It hurts a lot, to know that years from now, I will look back at concerts and CDs and now that he's not alive anymore. It was too soon and early. I never expected him or any of them to leave this soon. In a way though, I'm glad it was through illness and not in tragedy.
I'm pooped out now, i don't even know what else to say. I'm sad yes, but it is a part of life. We all must reach that point someday. I really wish for Slayer to be for what it was back then and stop now. It wouldn't be fair to Jeff to continue on without him. I also wish to hear from the members, their thoughts and stuff. I really loved them as a group of friends so I hope that remained somewhat the same before his death. It's all sinking in now but I will still get a bit emotional every time i see pictures of them and my band shirts. RIP Jeff, thanks for everything. What i liked best about today was the whole metal community uniting again and just really feeling this loss. Even those who aren't so big on slayer, still understood the significance Jeff had on the music and really thought it was unfortunate to lose him so quickly. Especially with everything happened a couple of years ago. I hope the guys will be okay and I hope the metal community will get through with this as well. It's just so strange to think of him gone just like Dio, Cliff, Dimebag, Chuck and more.
edit: I read this article the next morning and just really felt in the feels because this Slayer fan just said it all, what Slayer really is to all of us and the effect that Jeff had on that.
Also, I've been seeing some comments on blabbermouth and for once, more than one metalhead is making some sense there. This guy said pretty much all my feels along with these two guys making good points that people need to think about.
I also just realized how much I'm gonna miss seeing him play with his guitars and his hair and the knee pads. Let's not forget he was my fellow supporter of the Raiders, always wearing his Raiders jerseys ;~; so many reasons why he was my favorite.