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[slayeranne]

Buffy opens her door, letting Angel in. The room is pretty spartan, as she just used it now and then when she needed to be away from home, or had things going on here that upset her and didn't want Dawn seeing her that way. There's a pile of burnt rags in one corner, the leftovers from her clothing yesterday when her apartment exploded. An uneaten

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[broodinghero]

"Oh...um...Warren gave me a present to give to you." Yeah...yay for awkwardness.

[slayeranne]

She sits down on the bed.

"He told me. Pulse Field... Seems like he's really trying to make up for what he did."

[broodinghero]

"I really don't want to talk about that kid. Like really don't. And don't tell me exactly what he did because then I may break the non-violence policy in this place and if I do that I think I'll lose my security spot." He pulls the gift out of his pocket and hands it to her.

[slayeranne]

She dumps it and carefully puts it on the nightstand, not really wanting to jostle it or anything that might make it explode.

"Okay..."

She's silent for a minute, then shakes her head an laughs at herself.

"Sometimes, I just don't know where to start. There's so much that has happened, I'm almost afraid the people I know from the past won't know me."

[broodinghero]

"I will always know you Buffy. Just like you knew me when Hell spat me back out. You brought me back to what I was."

[slayeranne]

She looks up at him, meeting his eyes.

"You know, but that's different than understanding. I want... I need you to understand."

[broodinghero]

"You want to talk about Spike." He doesn't look away, because he knows she doesn't want him to.

[slayeranne]

"It's not just Spike... He was part of it, but... There was more to it. I... couldn't tell you before... But you had to know something was wrong."

[broodinghero]

"After you came back." Angel pulls her close, resting his forehead against hers. "Buffy I'm not them. You can tell me anything and I won't look at you differently, you know that."

[slayeranne]

She wraps her arms around him, closing her eyes against the memories of that time, trying not to let them get to her.

"Do you remember... how you felt when you came back?"

[broodinghero]

"Yes." He slides his hands around her waist, one hand moving up to rest on the back of her head.

"It felt like no one back on Earth would ever understand where I'd been or what it'd been like...or how hard it was to be back in the land of the living."

[slayeranne]

Leaning her head on his chest, she takes a deep breath.

"Sounds about right... but with other stuff... digging myself out of my own grave... feeling betrayed by my friends... feeling like I was in Hell... because I wasn't before..."

She lets it go unsaid.

[broodinghero]

"I knew you wouldn't be. There was no way you'd go the same place I did...they should have let you rest. If I'd known what Willow was planning to do..."

Angel shakes his head and pulls her closer still.

[slayeranne]

She nods a tiny bit, not having to move much since she's pressed up against him.

"It was for the best, I guess. But I couldn't feel anything. That's why... with Spike... I said it didn't make sense. But I hated him. He made me feel disgusted with myself, and that was better than feeling nothing."

[broodinghero]

"Any feeling, as long as it was a feeling."

His tone was understanding. Forgiving. He wasn't ever mad about it. Not even hurt after the initial shock. Just confused. And now that she explained..."It does make sense, Buffy."

[slayeranne]

"I pushed him away... he eventually understood why I couldn't love him."

Lets just leave out the reason he finally understood... though it might be obvious there's something she's not saying there.

"And then he got himself a soul. For me... When he came back and got his bearings again, he was content to just be near me if I needed him... and I did. Because there wasn't anyone else. They all turned their backs."