(no subject)
To: Amber O'Neil
1745 N. Lariet Ave
Sunnydale, California
Dear Amber,
It must be kind of weird to receive a letter from me after all this time. I called home this morning and found out from my mom that Willow was trying to reach me. Of course, Mom was freaked out that I hadn't been in touch in weeks and that I'd just taken off. It's weird. Maybe I should have had the answers to explain what has happened here, but the words weren't there. How do I explain that I was a vampire slayer and now I'm not? That I lost something that I didn't want to begin with, but now that it is gone, I feel empty. That my friends who I made so easily in Sunnydale are now strangers because so much has changed.
Maybe it was losing Candace, I don't know. Something died inside me at the park that night. Then our powers were ripped away and after talking to Willow, I know our souls were ripped away too. That should explain the emptiness right? Losing a friend, my powers, and my soul all in the span of a few days. That should explain everything that happened and I should be able to look myself in the mirror and know I'm still Zoe. That I belong back home with my family and friends.
Except I don't. I don't feel like that person anymore. I've met new friends and in a way they've become my family. There is no way I can make this make sense to you. Honestly, I have no idea why I am even writing you, but I guess I felt like you should hear it from me. That I'm different and I've made choices in the past few weeks that have changed me. The thing is, I don't regret them.
I'm still pissed off that my slayer abilities were ripped away from me without anyone asking me what I wanted. I'm infuriated that some witch in Sunnydale, California thought it was okay to fuck with my life by giving me the powers and then ripping them away along with my soul. Then she finds a way to stick the soul back into me. Again without asking if I wanted it back. Jesus, who does she think she is? We're not just puppets that Willow can control and decide to do with as she pleases. I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of trying to be someone that I'm not. Someone that maybe I never was. All my life, I've tried to live up to the expectations that people had of me. No one bothered to ask me what I wanted for myself. That ends now. I'm not going back to Sunnydale or to my parents. I've decided to keep my life here for as long as it lasts. There is no return address on this letter because I'm always on the move. Seeing new places and having new experiences. I'm happy. As happy as I can be.
You were a good friend to me, Amber. I'll miss you, but the truth is, there is no way we could go back to the way we were. See, the person who caused you and your friends so much pain? He stepped in and saved me from myself. I'm not discounting what happened to any of you, but I can't find it in myself to judge Josh by the actions he did to you or your friends, after he's been so good to me. He's not a nice person, Amber. He'll never treat any of you the way he treats me. I know that. I'm not being tricked or walking into my life blind.
It's my choice and I've made it. Without my soul and now with it back, nothing has changed. This is where I belong. One day he could turn on me and that will be when I have to decide where my next path leads. For now, it's with him. I don't think any of us plan to return to Sunnydale. There is nothing there for us. Maybe that will give you guys some peace.
I don't know. Maybe no one gets any kind of peace. Whatever it's worth, I'm glad I met you. I hope things work out for you in the future.
Sincerely,
Zoe
1745 N. Lariet Ave
Sunnydale, California
Dear Amber,
It must be kind of weird to receive a letter from me after all this time. I called home this morning and found out from my mom that Willow was trying to reach me. Of course, Mom was freaked out that I hadn't been in touch in weeks and that I'd just taken off. It's weird. Maybe I should have had the answers to explain what has happened here, but the words weren't there. How do I explain that I was a vampire slayer and now I'm not? That I lost something that I didn't want to begin with, but now that it is gone, I feel empty. That my friends who I made so easily in Sunnydale are now strangers because so much has changed.
Maybe it was losing Candace, I don't know. Something died inside me at the park that night. Then our powers were ripped away and after talking to Willow, I know our souls were ripped away too. That should explain the emptiness right? Losing a friend, my powers, and my soul all in the span of a few days. That should explain everything that happened and I should be able to look myself in the mirror and know I'm still Zoe. That I belong back home with my family and friends.
Except I don't. I don't feel like that person anymore. I've met new friends and in a way they've become my family. There is no way I can make this make sense to you. Honestly, I have no idea why I am even writing you, but I guess I felt like you should hear it from me. That I'm different and I've made choices in the past few weeks that have changed me. The thing is, I don't regret them.
I'm still pissed off that my slayer abilities were ripped away from me without anyone asking me what I wanted. I'm infuriated that some witch in Sunnydale, California thought it was okay to fuck with my life by giving me the powers and then ripping them away along with my soul. Then she finds a way to stick the soul back into me. Again without asking if I wanted it back. Jesus, who does she think she is? We're not just puppets that Willow can control and decide to do with as she pleases. I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of trying to be someone that I'm not. Someone that maybe I never was. All my life, I've tried to live up to the expectations that people had of me. No one bothered to ask me what I wanted for myself. That ends now. I'm not going back to Sunnydale or to my parents. I've decided to keep my life here for as long as it lasts. There is no return address on this letter because I'm always on the move. Seeing new places and having new experiences. I'm happy. As happy as I can be.
You were a good friend to me, Amber. I'll miss you, but the truth is, there is no way we could go back to the way we were. See, the person who caused you and your friends so much pain? He stepped in and saved me from myself. I'm not discounting what happened to any of you, but I can't find it in myself to judge Josh by the actions he did to you or your friends, after he's been so good to me. He's not a nice person, Amber. He'll never treat any of you the way he treats me. I know that. I'm not being tricked or walking into my life blind.
It's my choice and I've made it. Without my soul and now with it back, nothing has changed. This is where I belong. One day he could turn on me and that will be when I have to decide where my next path leads. For now, it's with him. I don't think any of us plan to return to Sunnydale. There is nothing there for us. Maybe that will give you guys some peace.
I don't know. Maybe no one gets any kind of peace. Whatever it's worth, I'm glad I met you. I hope things work out for you in the future.
Sincerely,
Zoe