A blond walks into a clinic.... [Buffy & House]

[whattingawhat]

She hated New Jersey. She was pretty sure she hated New Jersey even before she broke her arm. She was supposed to be finding an around-the-bend slayer to take back to Cleveland. Faith was off on another lead and Buffy had volunteered to take this one. Everything had been going swimmingly until rogue slayerette slipped away from her and she'd run

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[huge_ego_sry]

So, House owed clinic hours. Cuddy had reminded him lovingly that she was going to start doubling them if he didn't start catching up. Which was not why he was doing them.

Avoiding paperwork was as good an excuse as any, and if he got into the clinic early there were fewer idiots, not that it amounted to enough to matter much. Such as now. The clipboard told him this patient's name was actually Buffy. Yeah, right. He hobbled into Exam Room #3 and scrutinized her quickly. Possibly gymnast, definitely over-active, definitely type A. This was going to be boring. Might as well try to spice it up.

"So, what's your real name? Unless you're comfortable with your stage name," he said as he rolled up toward her on his stool with an ocular light. House pulled her face straight and began a cursory check up.

[whattingawhat]

Buffy arched an eyebrow at the doctor. "I think I'm a little flat chested for a stripper and you look like you'd know," she snarked. Okay so maybe she should be nicer to the doctor but she hurt and she thought that was valid reasoning.

She tried to relax and let him do his check up thingy because resistance totally wasn't going to get her out of this. She made sure not to blink, eyes wide and staring straight ahead.

[huge_ego_sry]

He grinned at her retort, moving onto the cut on her face. He noticed her eagerness to cooperate, which widened the grin a little more. Type A it was, and his gymnast guess was totally confirmed by her touchiness about her chest. House frowned once he prodded at her cut; apparently she'd received the wounds early that morning. She was definitely lying. He said nothing and began to inspect her arm, writing up orders for a CT and cast. The wounds all looked at least a day old, if not older.

"There's a stripper niche for everyone," he said offhand, while he wrote the orders on a clipboard. "And next time you're doing your saw-horse routine, don't be a moron and wait a full day to come in to have everything looked at. Makes my job a pain in your finely shaped ass."

A nurse entered with a wheelchair for Buffy, and House sat in between the two of them, to force his patient around him. He wanted to see her gait, because if she had a concussion and waited this long to get looked at, it could be a little worse than usual.

[whattingawhat]

Her touchiness regarding her chest really wasn't touchiness so much as just a good snark at the time. And maybe it was coupled with the fact that she lived with the do-that-body-of-a-pornstar-girl AKA Faith but really, Buffy was pretty comfy with her body.

"I'll keep that in mind for my next career," Buffy smirked as she hopped down from the table, wobbling a little and putting her hand out for balance. Yeah, definitely a concussion. Awesome. She paused and gave the doctor a 'are you on the crazy train' look.

"Hello, bones were poking through my skin. I have a high pain tolerance but I'm not a masochist. Okay so some people would argue that but I maintain, I am not a masochist, particularly with physical pain. Just because I can push through it doesn't mean I like it."

[huge_ego_sry]

He rolled backward on the stool while she was situated in the wheelchair and watched her for a moment. She had to be lying, because there was no way her injuries should look like that if they were fairly fresh.

"Wait," he directed the nurse when she started to wheel Buffy out. He stood up without his cane and hobbled over to press the cut firmly and watched her reaction.

[whattingawhat]

It was instinct completely and honestly. Okay maybe it was a little bit irritation. To her credit she did pull her punch at the last minute so she barely caught him in the eye.

"Fucker. That hurts," she growled at him.

[huge_ego_sry]

It was still hard, and his head snapped back and it made him stumble and lean on the exam bed to keep standing. Jesus, she packed some kind of hit. Which wasn't right. House might be a cripple but he can take a punch from a 5'4" flat chested blond with a concussion. His scowl wasn't so much because his face was killing him as it was about how none of this was making sense.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to flirt with your doctor?" He snapped, rubbing at his eye. He nodded to the nurse to let her wheel Buffy out, while he gathered his cane and clipboard and followed them out, grabbing an ice pack and continuing with them to the elevator.

[whattingawhat]

Buffy scowled at him and hoped he had a black eye. She knew she shouldn't have hit him but she was pretty sure he shouldn't have pushed on the cut on her head.

"Are you always this charming or is it just my lucky day?" she asked him when they got into the elevator.

[huge_ego_sry]

He shared a look with a knowledgeable nurse over the question. She didn't look too impressed, but she wasn't exactly the brightest bulb.

"I'm not the one hitting people during examinations," he retorted. "So are you going to keep lying about these injuries or can we come clean now? What was it, abusive boyfriend wouldn't let you out until this morning?"

[whattingawhat]

"Seriously? I just hit you. Do I really seem like the type to take abuse from a boyfriend? And once again, not lying. I'm a fast healer," Buffy rolled her eyes at him. He sort of inspired that in a person.

[huge_ego_sry]

House didn't reply, though he did want to stick a finger in her cut again to shut her up. He rolled his eyes and hurried out in front of the wheelchair once the elevator doors popped open. His cane halted the nurse from wheeling Buffy out and he scowled at her.

"Hypnosis or crystals?" He asked, regarding the bogus claim of fast healing.

[whattingawhat]

"Past life regression," she dead panned giving him a 'I fucking hate you look' combined with the 'are you on the crazy train' look. "Just me. Fast healing. My white cells do something at crack speed. I don't know. You're the doctor."

[huge_ego_sry]

House finally smiled; his initial intrigue in her was paying off, he was right. She was definitely lying and he was going to figure out why.

"Thanks for playing," he said before turning around and leading Buffy and the nurse to the CT room. He get settled in front of the computer, and waited for the nurse to leave to hit the intercom.

House watched the monitor as the machine rotated around her arm. "The thing is, as a doctor, I know doctor-y things. I say your injuries are at least a day old. You say hours. Nobody heals that fast, so fess up, cheerleader."

[whattingawhat]

"I am never going to live that phase of my life down am I?" Buffy quipped. "Ok, ok. You got me. I'm not supposed to tell. We've got this whole secret identity thing but...let's face it. I was never good at secret identities anyway and honestly I think this point...all the bad guys have heard of me."

Hell she might as well tell him the truth. He wouldn't believe her. And if he tried to put her in the crazy house...well it wasn't like she had to stay, was it?

"I'm a superhero. And I do heal this fast. Also, the injuries are like...an hour old but that's because I had to wait in the clinic for you to see me. So hours is incorrect but you do win a life time supply of turtle wax and a lovely gold watch."

[huge_ego_sry]

A roll of the eyes later, he started another scan on her head. "Sorry, superheroines are more endowed. Don't talk," he snapped. She did appear to have a major concussion that also showed signs of healing already.

On a whim, because no he did not believe that she actually healed fast, he started a second scan of her arm. His mouth fell open and then turned up in a grin. "So cool." And then he moved back to her head. This condition was going to be named after him.

"Guess we need to get you a cape." He could admit when he was wrong.

[whattingawhat]

Buffy practically, literally beamed at House. He--sort of--believed her and he wasn't putting her in the nut house. That like never happened until someone had been attacked by vampires and she'd saved their asses.

"I like leather better."

No, she didn't think about how that would sound.